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Raised By Her Podcast
Raised By Her is a mother–daughter podcast exploring the lessons, love, and lived experiences passed down through generations. Hosts Ro Nita and Donnica share honest, intergenerational conversations about womanhood, identity, family, and leadership - and the wisdom we inherit (and sometimes challenge).
Part humor and all heart, Raised By Her is a reminder that every generation has something to teach—and that the stories that raise us continue to shape who we become.
Raised By Her Podcast
Raised By Her | Episode 5: A Mother-Daughter Conversation on Breast Cancer, Fibroids, and Self-Care
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In this episode of Raised By Her, we sit down for an essential mother-daughter conversation about women's health. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we share our family's experiences, the importance of early detection, and the realities of getting a mammogram.
The conversation then unfolds into an honest discussion about fibroids- a condition that affects up to 80% of Black women. We share our individual journeys with fibroid diagnosis, the immense impact of stress on our health, and the difficult path to surgery and recovery. From holistic healing methods like castor oil packs to the frustrating reality of having to be your own medical advocate, we leave no stone unturned.
This episode is a call to action for women everywhere to break the silence, share their stories, and prioritize their well-being. Join us as we explore the critical need for intergenerational health conversations and the life-changing power of self-care.
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Why We're Wearing Pink: Breast Cancer Awareness
0:51 - The Pervasive Impact of Breast Cancer
1:52 - A Personal Story of Losing a Friend in Her 30s
2:25 - The Importance of Self-Exams and Screenings
3:17 - "I Believe Men Designed These Machines": The Mammogram Experience
5:01 - Where Does Cancer Come From?
6:02 - The Critical Role of Family Health History
8:09 - Can You Heal Your Body with Herbs and Wheatgrass?
9:00 - My Women's Health Journey: When Stress Takes Over
9:50 - What Are Fibroids?
10:27 - A Mother's Plea: "Please Take Care of Yourself"
12:00 - Your Body Will Tell You When Something is Wrong
13:28 - The Shocking Statistic: Fibroids Affect 80% of Black Women
14:53 - Grandma's Secret Weapon: Healing Fibroids with Castor Oil Packs
17:40 - The Messy Truth About Holistic Healing
19:11 - "Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me This Would Happen?"
20:16 - The Power of Women Sharing Their Health Experiences
23:32 - The Moment I Ignored My Doctor's Warning About Fibroids
25:33 - You Have to Be Your Own Health Advocate
27:31 - The Painful Reality of Surgery Recovery
29:43 - "Is This What I'm Supposed to Feel Like?" Life After Fibroids
32:00 - How I Practice Self-Care Today: Meditation & Movement
34:29 - Learning How to Breathe Through Yoga
38:51 - Discovering I Was a "Mindless Eater"
40:29 - The Doctor Who Changed Our Family's Life
43:09 - "You Eat Like a Football Player"
46:01 - The Cultural Pressure to Finish Your Plate
48:31 - The "Freshman 15" and Dealing with Body Image
51:44 - Don't Be Selfish with Your Wisdom
52:32 - Are You Getting All Your Health Screenings?
55:16 - Final Thoughts: On to Good Health
Reach out to us with questions and/or comments at raisedbyherpodcast@gmail.com!
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Hello, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Welcome back to Raised by Her.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, absolutely. You look good. I was to say, good to see you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. You look pretty in pink. Well, thank you. You do likewise. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Why are we wearing pink? Well, pink is the color for the month of October for National Breast Cancer Month.
SPEAKER_02:It's true. Yeah. We're also just coming from an event together, too, monitoring breast cancer wear this month. So all the things. Have you had any experiences with breast cancer?
SPEAKER_01:Um, fortunately, I have not uh personally had that that experience. Uh, and it has not been uh a challenge for uh my mother or my grandmother, so but I've had aunts who have uh been impacted by it, uh several relatives and many dear friends who have had breast cancer.
SPEAKER_02:Um it's pervasive. It's like a it's one of the uh like big cancers, but it's like it's something that happens to a lot of people. It is a lot of women and men.
SPEAKER_01:Breast cancer is pervasive um in our society, uh, for not only uh women but also some men. It's difficult, I think, in twenty twenty-five to even understand why it is so difficult to be able to absolutely have uh people to pay attention to their screenings because it's real important for women um particularly young women, but women who are of a particular age to sometimes take it seriously, the screenings.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it I was I think it's getting um more common folks younger and younger too. Maybe that's just cancer across the board. Um, but I know for me, my personal experience, uh a good friend of mine, we went to college together and um in her mid-30s she was diagnosed, and she has since passed away. Um, but that was an awful thing to watch. And I was like, and she's only in her 30s, and I um that's when it was that decade of my life where people started to detect um that illness. And I mean it's what prompted me to go get my first mammogram. Sure. Um, even though the doctor was like, you're not ready. I'm like, we are ready, and either you're going to do this um with me or I'm going to find another doctor that will.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think also the monthly screenings uh or personally checking yourself um every month. You know, back in the day it was uh something that was talked about in in my generation that uh every month you really should make sure that um you get in the shower and check your breasts and make sure that there is not uh a lump there or that's how my friend found hers. She was doing a self-exam. Okay. And and so, but now mammograms are supposed to also be able to help us to detect uh detects.
SPEAKER_02:But they I don't think they've gotten any uh better over the course of time. Like I think probably my mammogram experience was the exact same as your mammogram experience, and it was necessary and all that, but it was not a comfortable experience.
SPEAKER_01:I have I believe that, and I've said this to the technician many times, I believe that men are designing these machines. The machines um that they use for mammograms are not the most comfortable machines, but they are necessary, and it has not gotten any better or any more comfortable over the over the years. Um, but it is such an important screening to have. Mammograms are important to pay attention to, and so this month, October being um breast cancer awareness month, reminds us, regardless of your age, regardless of the circumstance, to pay attention and to do what it is that that you need to do. And especially African American women, uh our our percentages are higher than the majority population in in terms of of having breast cancer. Um 34,000 black women every year are diagnosed with breast cancer. That's still a lot.
SPEAKER_02:Well, hopefully somebody in Silicon Valley or somebody that's in a tech company or something is working on designing something that makes it more comfortable and more accessible.
SPEAKER_01:It is. And there are a lot of um a lot of walks on the thing. A lot of a lot of awareness. Um we have a dear friend that has a foundation in honor of her mother who um who really has done a great job in uh in local awareness here and has been recognized locally, regionally.
SPEAKER_02:And actually that's what I've heard. It's that um I guess awareness is like the awareness and early detection are the two most important in terms of trying to save your your life. So the awareness piece, I guess, is an important piece. That I guess it is.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it is. And uh in a presentation that I I heard recently, the question was asked, um, so where does it come from? Someone, a young woman, where does breast cancer come from? And the doctor said, well, there is no specific one specific thing. It's uh it can be hormonal, it can be um genetic, it can be something that's environmental. They really are still researching where it comes from.
SPEAKER_02:But isn't aren't they researching like where all cancer comes from? Well, but I feel like that's not a reasonable ask. Well, like if somebody had the answer to that question, they probably have the answer to um some other questions as well, I would imagine.
SPEAKER_01:I th I think, but I I re believe that she asked that question because if you're talking about prevention, and is there a way to prevent it? And so the screenings are really the way that um it is encouraged to to try to prevent it and to make sure that one is paying attention, but also living a healthy life and healthy lifestyle. All the things we know, all the all the things we know and all the things that people continue to say time and time again.
SPEAKER_02:And maybe also having those conversations with the women in your life, um, particularly your family, because I think a piece of it's also depending on what type of cancer it is, hereditary. So um, you know, me being comfortable enough to ask you or to for you to ask my grandmother, and then just to have general awareness around like what your aunts have gone through and things like that. Because I think that's actually one of the questions on the screen. They're like, Do you have a family history that's right of this? And so is it something that you talked to your mother about?
SPEAKER_01:I did when uh I started getting breast cancer screenings. I I talked to her about it, and she said this is not something that one we had in our in our family, um, but it wasn't something that was really talked about a lot as well. So we really don't know if it was um in previous patients. Um she did initially because I encouraged her to do that. Okay. Um, you know, your grandmother, uh, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I eat healthy. I, you know, I mean, she she was really adamant about the fact of being an advocate for good health. And she act she actually believed that uh many of the problems that we have were really related to the fact of not only the food that we were eating, but the environment. And she said, I grew up on a farm, so it was healthy food, and it was uh the the animals from the farm that we had there that would uh from the cows to the chickens, and you know, um that rural living that was healthy living.
SPEAKER_02:Rule living is healthy living. I think it can be. I mean It was, I believe. It was okay. I mean, I you know, I think pros and cons, I suppose. You know, I mean no way. Okay, so your perspective of having healthy living in a rural environment, would you want to live in a rural environment? Uh that's not me. See, I will go to farmers markets. I will That's right. No, that that that's true.
SPEAKER_01:Or have a garden.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, have a garden.
SPEAKER_01:Um but um you garden? Uh no.
SPEAKER_02:Like, but I do go to the grocery store. I do try to shop organic.
SPEAKER_01:And and also um the herbs that are um out there being able to um grow some of your own herbs. Uh your your grandmother grew wheatgrass.
SPEAKER_02:Do you remember wheatgrass? I don't remember her growing wheatgrass. I mean, I remember taking it. I didn't remember that it was from her.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, from her her own little wheatgrass garden, which was really healthy. I mean, yeah, I know it is.
SPEAKER_02:Um and and very good for it. I think the last time I had a wheatgrass shot was um a random trip to Smoothie King. Okay. They were like, would you like a wheatgrass shot? And I was like, no, but I will because I know that it'll probably boost all the things and I'll be better for it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I think knowing something about um healthy living and healthy eating and what it is you can take a shot of that could maybe boost your immune system is something that would be good.
SPEAKER_02:Going beyond just breast cancer, uh, what has your women's health journey been?
SPEAKER_01:Uh, well, for the most part, um, I was pretty healthy until um I started um my radio station. Uh I've talked about that uh in the past. I was a founder of um Haw Saunders Broadcast Properties, uh, and that was a 10-year journey. And the stress of uh working every day, the stress of trying to start a new business, uh, the stress of family. Uh during that period of time I got married, I had a baby, and um I really was not taking care of myself. So self-care was not a priority at that particular time. And subsequently, I ended up getting sick. I had um I had fibroids for the first time.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so wait, I'm gonna stop you real quick because okay, you did not you were not taking care of yourself in the way that you now know to do. Did you just not know, or there was just too much other stuff going on? Like how how did you come to just, you know, not practice any self-care whatsoever? I I think it was I shouldn't say self-care what's maybe it wasn't that extreme, but well, no, I mean I I do it.
SPEAKER_01:I think the the priority was not me. The priority was taking care of everybody else? Exactly. How female of you? And I I think that's that's one of the life lessons um that I learned. In addition to the fact the the conversation with my mother, who was constantly saying, please get your rest, please take care of yourself while you are at one point I was working three jobs. And so that was it was necessary, I thought, to be able to work the three jobs so that I could have the resources so that I could build the broadcast station.
SPEAKER_02:Did my grandmother practice health-care?
SPEAKER_01:Um, she did later in life. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:But she didn't but not in like the hardcore stuff.
SPEAKER_01:No, she she learned later in life. Uh, I would say that, let's see, um, she was 20 years older than me. So um when she was in her 40s, um, I I think she really started a lot of of self-care because she introduced me to massages and and I was in my twenties. And so, and this wasn't something that you did just when you went on vacation. This was something that you should do as a part of your lifestyle. Yeah, ungouther. And so yes, yes. And so um, but I think when I was working in my profession, um, and broadcasting is always 24-7. I mean, you, you know, you don't have to be a good thing. And so um, so understanding that, and then having this dream that I had to to be able to start this this new business and my family responsibilities, I just was not practicing good self-care. I also was not listening to my body, which is something that I I learned to do later in life as well. Your body will tell you when your immune system is uh is not quite where it should be. Oh, and you need to pay attention. I did not pay attention. Therefore, I ended up um having fibroids and having um to have an operation the first time in my life. I'd never been in the hospital, never been really sick, but and I didn't know what was going on. My energy level just went all the way down. And so when I went for uh my annual uh OBGYN exam, that's when I found out uh about uh fibroids. What are fibroids? Um they are well you you've experienced.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah, no. I mean, for just for the folks who who might not know. Um, yeah, I mean they're they're small, non-cancerous, they're not small necessarily, but they're non-cancerous tumors that in or around uh your uterus and they don't know where they come from. Um they have some, I'll call them self-care practices with things that they say that you should maybe stay away from, but nothing's really rooted in the science of it yet. So, like they say too much estrogen can be a component. Stress is absolutely a factor when they grow. Um stress, and I only know this because I had my own fibroid surgery last year. Um I'm trying to think if there was anything else. I mean, also some like diet, diet things.
SPEAKER_01:Well, environmental things, but uh, for African-American women, um, especially those who are between the ages of uh 18 to 30, we have fibroids uh much more than the majority population. Uh, white women don't have them at the same rate that uh that we have. We have them 25% more than white women.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I was gonna say 20. I know that we have them more, but I I but but white women have them too. They do. Yeah, I've like I think it's like 80% of all women.
SPEAKER_01:Um 80% of all African American women after the age of 50, and 70% of all of the white women um have them after, you know, sometime during their life. Okay. Stress related. So what does that tell you?
SPEAKER_02:What does that say that you should start practicing self-care at the age of two? At the age of two, that's my main takeaway. Uh but I mean, to that point though, that's something that I've tried to be really intentional about since my surgery because I don't want to ever have to go through that again. So I'm like, okay, what can I do? And the fact that they couldn't tell me exactly what caused it, but for stress, I was like, all right, let me try to let me try to continue to structure my life in a way, not continue, but start to structure my life in a better way to help manage the inevitable stress because life is life. Life is and you're having life is life, yeah. Life, what do they say? Like life be life or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:So your grandmother then uh said to me, What you're going to do, um, you are going to now take care of yourself even better. You're going to have periods of time every day that uh you take some quiet time, that you meditate. You're going to now start using castor oil packs. What are castor oil packs? And so uh you go to the health food store, you get some castor oil, you um you put it in a cloth.
SPEAKER_02:Because that's how you you healed your fibroids the first time, actually. Now I'm remembering the story. Um and then they eventually came back because again, life life's. Yes. Um, but no, you you got rid of yours.
SPEAKER_01:I got rid of mine. And at that particular time my doctor said I she truly had to go back and look and look again because she said, I've never had this happen. What are you doing? That was over about an 18-month to 24-month period of time. I was able to reduce them, and then um, yes.
SPEAKER_02:So wait, what exactly did you do? Because I tried to emulate like a little bit of it, and mine didn't go away. But granted, I don't think I had the the same, you know, hardcore approach that you did, which is ultimately what helps.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I I think that um one, the research that that mommy was doing um at that particular time, and I and I listened to her, um, just like I listened to her when she talked about uh my pregnancy. I don't want to um digress, but when she said, stop eating um pork, stop eating red meat, that's not good for your pregnancy. And and so uh so there were times when I really paid attention um to her and what her advice was because she was, we would say, a woman before her time. Yeah. And um so she told me to um to every day a period of time, I don't remember if it was a half hour, 45 minutes, whatever. Every day I want you to take some quiet time. I want you to meditate, and I want you to go into prayer, and I want you to talk about your body healing. And while you're doing that, I want you to put on your body these castor oil packs. And so I when I went to the health food store, they knew exactly what castor oil packs were.
SPEAKER_02:And so here's the pre-packaged version for example.
SPEAKER_01:Well, no, you got by each one of the items um separately. But um, so there's a heating pad, and you would take this cotton um piece of cloth and you would soak it in castor oil, and then at that point I would put it over the area of my body where I had the fibroids, and um and then I would just have healing thoughts and think about it. Think about it. And you did that for 18 months, you said? Oh, yeah, at least that that period of time. But what was happening when my went back to my OBGYN, she saw them reducing, she saw them going down. And so that encouraged me at that particular time to keep trying it.
SPEAKER_02:Because castor oil is so messy. Oh, yeah, well, yeah, it was messy. And it's like thick and sticky and um I mean healing. Well, but uh you know, it it's a it's a dedication to uh doing that practice.
SPEAKER_01:It was it was uh dedication, but also I I believed that seeing some of the results was encouraging to me. And um because I didn't know that most many black women had fibroids, uh and so I was learning about my body, I was learning about fibroids, I was learning about this holistic approach that my mother um had uh to healing your body. And also the conversation was now changing uh about how we need to, we women, need to start paying attention and taking more responsibility. You can listen to the doctors in the medical profession, and I truly believe that you use the best approach for you as an individual. But I also believe that women don't pay attention enough.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you know, okay, so uh I noticed my fibroid um after after some weight loss, and I was like, what's this bulge? What is happening? Well, yeah, little nodule, little, you know. It w well, it was large enough for me to be like, this is a problem. We need to like what's happening. Right. Um but then when I started, when I found out what it was, and then you know, went to different doctors to try to figure out what the treatment options were. Um, and also then I started just talking about it into my broader network, just like this is what I'm going through. And many women were like, oh yeah, I went through that or I went through that. And I became a little irritated by the fact that I'm now going through this in my mid-30s and nobody told me. Like, why wasn't somebody telling me in my 20s, hey, FYI, practice self-care or practice stretch stress management, or try to figure out some way to manage your life better so you don't have some of these health outcomes, because 80% of black women will. So just FYI.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. And I think that what you learned from that experience is you need to do more than one thing. You need to not only listen to the fact of what your body is saying, listen to the doctor, listen to your mother, listen to your grandmother, but you also need to make sure the path is good for you in terms of how you're going to handle your own self-care. So, what did you end up doing?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, yes, that, but then also I could women just be honest about their experiences and what they go through from a health perspective? Can older women just share their experiences in totality? So us in the younger generation are shell-shocked. You know, if every generation is shell-shocked by what they're going through, perhaps there should be some more conversations about, you know, some of the general health concerns that we are all dealing with.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's true. Uh I I do remember we were um we were going to a wedding and um we were a part of the wedding party, and there were seven other women um actually in the car in the limousine that was taking us uh to the wedding, and we were talking about um the fact that your surgery was coming up. And every other woman in the car said, Oh yeah, I've had fibroid surgery. You know, I mean, it was 100% of the women in the car. So to your point, I think sharing the experience. Now, each one of them said, I felt much better afterwards. I probably should have gotten it earlier. I mean, it was it was a a round, um sort of round-robin conversation about then what you're uh addressing um health, women's health, um, and older women's health at that point. Sometimes I think that the hesitancy is not based upon just not wanting to share, but I'm not sure that a lot of people really knew all of what was going on. Um and I think that's a part of the problem too. Today it's much better, but back in the day.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, back in the day. Because when I think about it, when my mother was in um her late 30s and she had a hysterectomy, uh I don't know when I found out.
SPEAKER_02:She had a hysterectomy to deal with thyroids?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh no, she had an hysterectomy that dealt with utopic pregnancy. Oh, okay. And so uh an utopic pregnancy, which means that the pregnancy was outside of the sense that the baby would not have an opportunity to uh grow to go full term and and and to grow. Okay. So but to that point, I later in life had the same thing.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I'm saying. Like you have to have these conversations. Yeah. Um, I don't I knew that about you. I don't think I knew that about my my grandmother.
SPEAKER_01:Um Well, I didn't know it either until it well, I'm saying I didn't know it either until until it happened. And and I actually um that was uh the second time I was um in the hospital. I actually uh had to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency uh and have surgery when that occurred. So, you know. But I'm here today, alive and well. I mean, yes, yes, we blessed are blessed and highly favored, but you need to take care of yourself.
SPEAKER_02:I think that I mean that's my main takeaway from this piece of the conversation. Um and be okay with sharing your story with other people and other women because chances are someone else might be going through something similar and maybe you can help them. It would have been really helpful to me in my 20s to have known that this was a possibility of happening to me in my 30s.
SPEAKER_01:What about your OBGYN? Any conversation um in terms of what the possibility might be or what you needed to pay attention to?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so true. So in hindsight, when I was working a really stressful uh corporate job, I uh and I wasn't I was not going to the doctor as regularly as I should have been. I mean, now I'm I'm listening to your story. I'm like, why did you do this? I was like, oh, well, actually. Um and so probably three, three-ish years before um I had the weight loss, and I was like, what is this? Um they told me that I had fibroids. Uh I didn't know what fibroids were. They didn't explain it to me further. Um, what I did say is like, what am I supposed to do about it? And they were like, well, um they're small. They're like, oh, but you actually have one that's medium. And so I was like, well, you know, is there a pill? Can I just like, you know, give me a pill so I can just continue on with my life? And um, they said the smaller ones could probably be taken out microscopically, but the larger one might um need to be taken out via surgery, um, depending on the doctor and technology and all the things, and the location and all the things. And so as soon as I heard surgery, I was like, never mind, I will, I will deal with this later. That is so funny. I have not thought about that since probably since it happened. I I forgot that piece of the journey where I was just like, oh, everything's fine. And then three years it was not fine. And I did not manage my stress. And they grew to the point of me, me having to have a full-blown surgery and then on bed rest for a month.
SPEAKER_01:So that's why mine came back. Okay. That is exactly why mine came back. Yes, okay. All right. So now I think that we probably had a similar journey there in different ways, but for the exact same reason. Yeah, I do remember this now. I remember the conversation. Yes. Owning up to it, Donica, is important.
SPEAKER_02:No, I had definitely blocked that out. I was like, no, no, no, I was on top of my health when in fact I was not on top of my health. But I will say, once um life calmed down a bit and then I was exploring my options about okay, and I have fibroids, how am I going to treat them? I went to five different doctors before deciding on a surgeon because um all the doctors just wanted to um do the major surgery where they cut you from kind of top to bottom and take it out. And I was like, I don't know if that's I like I'm not the MD, but also I had done my research and I was like, well, what about this technology and what about this technology? And some of them were like, you know, our hospital doesn't carry it. And I was like, so the option isn't for you to do it with the lack of technology. The option is for you to recommend me to a hospital system that does have the technology so we can keep this moving forward. And they were like, oh. Um, and I eventually found uh a doctor who did a fantastic job, but it took uh it took time and it took me pushing back and it took me doing my own research to your point about like owning your own health. And it's not fair and it's not right. I wasn't giving all the information up front. Um, and so I mean, my lesson from that was that you just have to continue to be your own self-advocate um in your healthcare journey, otherwise, you might not know what all the options are.
SPEAKER_01:And in today's environment, a lot of times people will go to the internet and then they'll self-diagnose. You know, it's kind of like uh just deciding I can research this and then I'm going to decide to do this or decide not to do this. I think you still need to make sure with your research that you talk to a professional uh who can't do that. Oh, for sure. You know, um five doctors that you went to.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, and I was doing research on the technologies because I did not want to have the major surgery, and I wanted to know if that was truly the only way to deal with it. If it was, it was. Um turns out it wasn't, but I wouldn't have known that without Google and Gemini and you know, all the things.
SPEAKER_01:And then you mentioned that after your surgery, that you know, you had to recover, and it was at least a month uh recovery.
SPEAKER_02:That was that they told me it was outpatient. Um, they woke me up and you're like, we need to keep you. And I was like, well, that's not outpatient at all. Um, but you know. Well, yes, I I remember that as well because yes, you and my husband, I was like, Can you just stay with me overnight? You guys, of course, you stayed with me. But um, yeah, I lost more blood um than they had anticipated. And I also remember being woken up and in extreme pain. They were like, Oh yeah, that's just the anesthesia. They had told me previously that I might feel a little something in my shoulders, uh, because gas like goes through your body in a certain type of way, but they were like, you know, so just FYI. From my perspective, that required much more than an FYI. I was, it was, it was so painful. I was like, give me all the pain medication.
SPEAKER_01:It was very painful for you. And my heart really went out to you. I mean, it's the worst thing in the world to see your child that is is in pain, but also the the agony, and then you didn't know how long it was going to last because you kept saying, Mommy, how long? You know, how how and I said, Well, the doctor said this and this and this, because the fact that they kept you an additional day also was very challenging um for for you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes. And it was hard to be off my feet, you know. Um, we are an active people, and so um it gave me a whole different lens of compassion, empathy for folks who um have to stay in bed for whatever reason or can't be up and into their normal routine. Um it's it was tough. It was tough physically and mentally.
SPEAKER_01:So the life lesson here is pay attention to the body. Yes. When when it's advised early on, maybe you go ahead and address the concern uh without self-diagnosis, uh, and then decide what is the best route for you to take in your particular situation. It's not for everybody to be able to do it that way, but you you really do have to uh take ownership. Um so and how do you feel today?
SPEAKER_02:So much better. As soon as I was able to get up um and functional again, uh my energy was back through the roof. I was like, oh my gosh, is this what I'm supposed to feel like? Um, and it's I'm happy that I. Did it and I feel a hundred percent better. Um, and then I was like, I wonder how long I have been feeling yes, you know, operating at whatever it was, 60%. What this is what a hundred percent then I, you know, and I have no idea how I was like operating at 60% for you know five years or I know.
SPEAKER_01:I remember uh an older lady telling me uh when I went through my my surgery, she saying, You're going to feel so good, you're going to think, I wished I had done this before. And I I can't imagine wishing I had surgery before. She goes, No, no, no. You're going to feel so good. And then when it happened, I did feel so much better. And like you, I was thinking, I wonder how long I've been feeling my my normal for that particular time was really not normal. It was abnormal because my energy level was low and I was not able to function in the way that I know I needed to function all the time. But I just kind of pushed through it. Pushed through it.
SPEAKER_02:But you know, now that I'm thinking back on it too, when I've when I first was made aware that I had fibroids, even if I had, I mean, it was such a different circumstance, and I was in that that stress bubble that you were talking about in terms of having it come at you all different ways. I can't even imagine trying to like schedule a surgery or have multiple conversations with various doctors. And I mean, you do what you have to do, but I'm like, oh my gosh, that's it's just a lot. Life is a lot. Life is a lot.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, but the alternative is even more challenging.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, a lot more worth it. But also worth it. But I feel like it's important to acknowledge the a lotness. Right.
SPEAKER_01:So um, so what we want to do is encourage um uh those who are listening to us and are watching us to just take care of yourself and uh be checked out and do what it is that you need to do on a regular basis to stay healthy. Self-care is important.
SPEAKER_02:So, how do you practice self-care today?
SPEAKER_01:Well, um daily I meditate. Yeah, you do. Minimum minimum of 15 minutes, but mostly I try to take quiet time back to that half hour or 45 minutes. You started off at 15 minutes. So I just started off at 15 minutes. Really? You started off at 15 minutes. Uh well, um our our church had um a meditation and some classes. You trained. I was I was delving into that, but mommy had talked about it long before then as well. I didn't know how to concentrate. I mean, you know, uh some people say, you know, woo-woo zen kind of thing. I said, well, you know. Well, we have some busy minds. But we do. And but I what I learned is that you can train yourself, and you can train yourself to turn the mind off. It takes practice and it takes a while. It takes a long while. Um, meditation allows you to be able to control your thoughts at a certain time, and there are all different kinds of meditation out there. So um, whether it's the kind that is self-guided, or whether you can just be quiet and uh listen to some music, or whether you want to be in silence. I mean, there are just different ways to do it, and then there are mantras, there are things that you can say to be able to really get in your own cadence. So I've tried all different kinds of things. Um, but yes, daily I I make sure at least once a day, sometimes twice a day, that I do that. I do meditation because it allows me in the world that we live in today, with all of the challenges that people are facing and with my own busy personality, because you know, I do I like to do busy, like to I like to be busy and do lots of things. It allows me to be able to quiet myself down and to really define stillness for me at a particular time. Yeah. Breathing is so very important too. So learning how to be able to take deep breaths and how to be able to time exactly. So you take deep breaths every day. Oh, absolutely. I I take deep breaths even doing this podcast. I've been breathing deep this whole time. So, well, I mean, because these are these are the kinds of times where you need to be able to figure out what works for you and then how you're going to do it and prioritize, prioritize those things that are important to you.
SPEAKER_02:So I don't think I knew that I wasn't breathing deeply. So we we talked last week about my yoga practice, and that's where I learned that I didn't breathe. Um, you know, and once they started teaching, that's how I've started learning how to breathe more deeply and more intentionally and using the breath um in a variety of different ways, whether it's to calm the mind or whether it's to focus and heal the body. Like your breath can do all types of amazing things. But to your point about finding what works for you, I mean, yoga is what works for me because you know, they they trap you on a mat today, like, you know, breathe until you're finished. But um, yeah, but but for that, I I think I would struggle um to do it on an ongoing basis, just because, you know, other priorities in life, but you're right, you just have to prioritize it. You have to make it um top of mind.
SPEAKER_01:I also think that, and you do this so well, uh, some kind of exercise, some form of exercise. So sometimes it's walking, sometimes it's bike riding, sometimes it's just being in nature and just kind of moving. Um, it can be moving from the chair or it can be something you're doing in your house. I I like to dance to music and I do Ronita's dance, which is not a particular, I'm not a good dancer. I don't have a whole lot of rhythm. No, I don't have all the moves. You know, I go to a hip-hop dance class. Yes, you want to join it. Uh yeah, we can do that. We could do that. I I felt some hesitancy. I did join you in one class um where the um the instructor was a little bit older and she was playing music from like the 80s and 90s, which was my era of being able to dance. And so that was pretty cool. I know. Yeah, well that's right. Okay, so you did come to a dance class. Uh let me see. That was a Saturday morning class. I could I could do that. You could do that, okay. Yeah. So uh, but my point is just moving, yeah, moving, and and you have to move on a regular basis. I remember watching uh my father and uh my uncles sit on the porch and uh sit in rocking chairs, and they would talk about the way life used to be. And I think, why are they talking about the way life used to be? But they were sitting there, they weren't moving, but they had reached a point, either in terms of some illnesses or some challenges, that they sat around and talked about life as opposed to at that point being out of the way. Going out living it. Well, yes, because they weren't feeling good, they weren't um, I think, doing as much as as they needed to do. Um and these were men, so you know um Oh, that's a whole different thing. And that is, yes, yes. Um I agree with you though.
SPEAKER_02:Movement um is one of the I mean you have to your point, you just have to keep moving. And I feel like that's probably one of the number one things that doctors tell you. Because if you stop moving, then you die.
SPEAKER_01:You yeah, well, when you don't lose strength, but but you don't got it. You don't yeah, when you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah and so uh that's what they say. So um, and then the other part in terms of um diet and and being able to nutritionally make sure you're getting what it is that you need on a daily basis basis. Take your multivitamins, take your vitamins. Um also watch what you're putting in into uh now. I I am not this purist that says I won't eat this, I won't eat that. You know, I I I I can't preach about this. No, no, I you know, I I like a really good slice of apple pie, and you can, you know, you can catch our sweet. Do I get my sweet tooth from you? You get I love sweet soup. Yeah, I mean, if I can't do it, and ice cream, every every flavor of ice cream, but vanilla is my number one. I know people say that's so boring. Yeah. But I like to get back to the basics. But I'll, you know, I try to.
SPEAKER_02:But you're like, I just like it all, actually. Like I don't discriminate.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, all all all the different kinds of so I'm not saying that you can't have uh treats for yourself, but uh I am saying pay attention, uh, especially as you begin to get older and you age, you need to pay attention to what you're putting in.
SPEAKER_02:Ice cream is a form of self-care.
SPEAKER_01:That's it. Ice cream is a point of self-care. Okay, okay. Um I also really like potatoes and oh yeah, potato chips are your thing. Potato chips, yep. But I like french fries, I like mashed potatoes. Oh, you like all of all potatoes. I yeah, yeah, I th I I think that. And so, but it's it's just important to be mindful of what you're doing. And I didn't know for a number of years that I really did just eat because of stress. And I I didn't know that there was mindless eating. And so when you live a highly stressful life and you decide to just choose to do the things that you're doing and you eat on the run, you're not aware always of how much you're putting in to your your mouth.
SPEAKER_02:And then So how did you learn that you were endless, not endless, mindlessly eating?
SPEAKER_01:Um, when at one point I went to the doctor and um I wasn't feeling well. And the doctor was asking me, Well, what did you eat? What you know, what what are you what are you doing? What are you consuming? Yes. And so I started talking about it. I hadn't even thought about it. And I I remember she was sitting there and she was writing down. And then she she looked, she looked at me and she looked at what I had told her, and then she said, Is is that all? And I said, No, I think I'm I'm I think I'm missing some something. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_02:And she said, Ronita, that's that's so you are consuming 65,000 calories a day.
SPEAKER_01:Really? I I I believe that Dr. Gillis would have thought that at some point, yeah. Um but um so she had a conversation with me about mindless eating, and she said, What you were doing is you're handling your stress by eating, you're handling the fact that you don't have time to eat by eating more. I mean, she went through this this whole thing, and I thought, okay, now let me go research this because I didn't know that there was a Dr.
SPEAKER_02:Gill for a second because she has been or was I know she's now passed away, but she was instrumental in our family healthcare journey. She changed my life, she changed your life, and she changed my grandmother's life. And then, of course, she was recommended out. I mean, yes, was she Caribbean? So um, she was from one of the islands. Okay, yeah. I'm like this this Caribbean woman was unbelievable. She was.
SPEAKER_01:She had a very intuitive sense as well. So, in addition to being an excellent uh healthcare provider and doctor, she also could sort of read you and your body and what was going on. And so after the exam, she would take time, extra time, which is why I always wanted either the first appointment in the morning or the last appointment in the evening.
SPEAKER_02:No, you take your time.
SPEAKER_01:But I knew that that she was going to take the time. And she did that with all her patients. Her patients just loved her. And yes, I did recommend her to um several family members and and friends. But what she would do is kind of figure out what's going on.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, you know, she was the DO But not just from a physical perspective. I feel like she connected everything. She was like, okay, well, physically, this is a manifestation of mentally and emotionally, and even probably spiritually, about what's going on in other aspects of your life.
SPEAKER_01:So let's work on healing it all. That's exactly right. And um, you you really talk about uh her culture. What she said was when she was growing up, that um her mother and her aunts and the other people around her would talk about health just as easily being our own responsibility, but things that they could could really heal themselves as we talk about just going to the doctor.
SPEAKER_02:See, that's what I'm saying. Conversations with women about health, intergenerational conversations, right? Women about health would be so powerful for the younger generation.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely, absolutely. So um, and I the conversation really helped me to take a good solid look at not only what I was eating, but how much I was eating to that amount of food. You know, you don't need that amount of food. And so she put me on a nutritional program. She really talked to me about the the the amount of food. But then what was I feeding you? Oh okay. I mean, what are you giving this child? Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I remember you said something to me once that I because as as an adult, I think I I don't know how old I was when you said this to me, but I was mindful of it and I was like, I can see the accuracy in this. So I played sports and we dove into that last episode as well. Um, but I've also had like a big appetite. Yes, um that's probably from my well, maybe it's from me and my father. Well, my father was a bottomless pit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. He he was very, very um slim. Yeah. He could eat whatever he wanted to and not gain an ounce. You're talking about being irritated. Oh my goodness. Well, he comes in jersey. He's on the third, on the third plate of food. I mean, literally. And people would look at him and go, Donnie, where does it go? Where does it go? Where did you put it? But he had a high metabolism and he was always moving and he was walking fast. I mean, just literally.
SPEAKER_02:But um But you said to me once that I eat like a football player. And I was like, I of all the sports I play, I don't play football. Um, but I do know that those guys eat a lot. But it did make me more conscious moving forward. I didn't always listen or adhere to it, but I was I was like, okay, yeah. So um maybe I did literally just order two meals from Chipotle versus just the standard one meal, and maybe that's that's not the best decision for an ongoing basis.
SPEAKER_01:No, and I I think understanding it um is really important too. What is it doing to us? It's satisfying feel afterwards, right? It's satisfying your hunger, but then how do you feel and why are you eating so much? What is the reason behind it? I like to being full. So that was a good feeling. Okay, okay. But see what I learned in talking to Dr. Gill is that there is a point at which you're beyond full and you're just kind of like just like stuffing yourself. Yes, yeah. It it's really the holiday syndrome. You know, during the holidays, families would have all of this wonderful food and big meals, and you'd eat, and then you'd eat some more, and then you'd have dessert, and then three hours later.
SPEAKER_02:Your time, yeah, time to eat again.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, and that's that's because we would the food was there.
SPEAKER_02:So it's actually why I wonder like who came up with well, I know who came up with the concept of Black Friday. But in my mind, I remember when I first heard about that. I don't know if it's a holiday, but that that day, I was like, but who has the energy to do to go shopping? Because you're so full. I that's what I that was my very first thought. I was like, but after my 16 meals, I don't feel like walking around shopping.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Well, the retailers wanted to change.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and that's they they put a lot of effort into changing behaviors. But yeah, um, that was my very first thought because you're right, it is the the multiple plates of delicious food.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I I I think then understanding you can still have some and you can still eat, but you don't have to have huge portions of everything there, and you don't have to eat as if this is your last meal. So that was a part of me really tra retraining my mind in terms of how much food I want to intake at.
SPEAKER_02:But then I also wonder like if a piece if a piece of this is cultural too, because um I'm trying to remember if this is just like stories from my friends or like finishing your food type scenario. You know, like as as a child, uh, you're sitting at the table. Can I get up and go play? No, you need to finish your food. I don't know. In our house, I can't remember, but it's not. It's one that I'm generally aware of from a cultural perspective. No, that wasn't a rule for you.
SPEAKER_01:That was not a rule for you, but it was a rule for me. Okay. Um, and because interestingly enough, when I was a child, I didn't like food. And I know, I know, I can't imagine it.
SPEAKER_02:When I wonder when the switch happened. Um, I'm not quite sure. Oh, wait, can I guess? Like based on what I know um was it when you went to France in high school? You're right. Yeah, exactly. Is that when you were introduced to the whole new yeah?
SPEAKER_01:And I gained 21 pounds in uh in two months being in France.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, well, as we discussed, the food, the cheese, the all.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Yeah, I was 15 years old then and it it changed. Uh in fact, my cousins still tease me about that. Even today, at this age, um, they said we they had a going-away party for me when I went to France, uh, Bournefoyer party. And I was the first first um cousin, uh, relative to go overseas at that age. I'm 15 years old, and so they have this party for me. And so then they're all at the airport when I returned, and I had gained 21 pounds.
SPEAKER_02:Like, where's Renita? They could not that can't be her.
SPEAKER_01:That could not be, but that was the very first time that I remember having what I considered to be a weight problem because I couldn't wear my drill team uniform. You're you're measured before school's out for your your uniform. And I was on the drill team, I could not wear the uniform. But my cousins say that they looked at me and it's like I had blown up. And they're traumatically. Well, it was, but I knew I was gaining weight. I I I mean, you know, because nothing fit. Right. But I didn't know how much weight I had gained until uh we went to the doctor, and you had to I went to the doctor before I went to France and then coming back, and when the doctor said 21 pounds, I just remembered that that was it was traumatic. Yeah, I bet. And but the here um my cousins describe it, uh that was also traumatic.
SPEAKER_02:It was very traumatic. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can I could I mean my um the story I have that is somewhat relatable to that was my freshman year of college where I was um going through culture shock. I was homesick, I was going through what so many folks go through when they go off to college. And so then I gained, I don't know how much weight up, but it was maybe there was a freshman 15, maybe it was 20, maybe it was 10, I don't know, but it was um the largest that I've probably ever been. Yes. Um up until that point in my life. And so uh and I knew it, and I knew that I was gaining weight, and I didn't have the nutritional knowledge, I don't think, um, at that point to even know why. I'm like, I'm eating less. And it's like, yes, but Donica, if you eat less donuts, that doesn't necessarily like it's the quality of the food. It's not necessarily Utility plus quantity.
SPEAKER_01:You were in Atlanta and there was a lot of really good food.
SPEAKER_02:I'm telling you, yeah, yeah, the soul food got me. Yes. The soul food got me. Yeah. Um, but it is it's a traumatic experience to to gain weight in a short period of time. So for your body too.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, my body went through a lot of trauma. So your body would go through trauma too. I'm talking, you know, two months. You're talking at least a whole semester. Fair enough. So um, but then if you don't gain control, then you have uh a lifetime of uh of challenges uh in that way. And some of us do, and and and I have, I've struggled with um with weight issues, back and forth, even being in in broadcasting, being in media, um, not being happy with my size. And that's the whole body image um issue that women deal with.
SPEAKER_02:It's I mean, I don't think it's it's ever easy for women, and I can't speak for men because I'm not, so I'm just gonna speak directly for women, but I just you can't you're you're too big, you're too small, you're too fat, you're too skinny, you're too tall, you're too short, you're too this, you're too that. I mean, there's that's why um you and I at this stage of our life, we focus on health. Right. Um, and then just feeling the best that that we can feel. And then also being happy with you. Like do whatever um you want to do or feel like you need to do to be the best version um of yourself that you want to be, right? Regardless of what others think.
SPEAKER_01:And I think that's important. That's an important lesson. That's an important lesson that um that Rosa taught me and um this Rose representing uh my mother Rosa, because what what she would say is when you learn the lesson, learn it well, and then be able to talk about it and and share it. In this case, the lesson of good health, because she was an advocate of holistic medicine. She was an advocate of good health. And I think that's one of the reasons why she lived to be 94. Um, and we honor her by being able to remember those life lessons and to understand that even though we don't live in the country now and we don't maybe all have our own gardens, but what we can do is choose wisely those things that we get from the grocery store.
SPEAKER_02:You do what you can with what you have where you are. That's kind of like what I think about it. Like you and then you just you move it forward in the best way, you know. When you know better, you do better.
SPEAKER_01:Take the time for self-care, take the time to share, I think, with uh don't be selfish with the self-care, you know. Right, right. Share the wisdom. Right, right. So um, and you know, I get massages on a regular basis, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean me too, but I I know for a fact that I got that, got that from you. I mean, my father would do it occasionally. Um and you started me when I was in high school because uh, but I it wasn't for relaxation, I don't think. It was therapeutic because I was getting beat up on the basketball floor. You're like, oh my gosh, my child. Yes, yes, yes. Um, but yeah, it it's a practice that has only benefited me. I know that for a fact um in my healthcare journey since then.
SPEAKER_01:And what about your other screenings? Um, your your eye tests, um, uh going to the dentist, all of these things are a part of good self-care because good dental hygiene, making sure you have a good dentist, and uh making sure that you're getting your regular checkups. All of these things really are a part of the total package.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So I do um go to the dentist and get my annual checkups and all those things. And in terms of the eye test, though, I was like, now wait a minute, when's the last time I had an eye test? Probably the last time I got my license, you know, because I think they require it. And then I don't even know if that's the same like medical test. So but also I feel like that with the eyes, if you don't need it, then why I don't want to say why do it, because it is good to, you know, have the ongoing screening, but I haven't I have not done an eye test in a really long time, but in part because I don't feel like I need it. And who needs another appointment on their calendar, honestly?
SPEAKER_01:That's like a hearing test as well, because um we don't get hearing tests on a regular basis until you get older in life and then you start getting all of this advertisement.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you were telling me about this. You're like, Donica, you think your appointments are busy now. Like your healthcare appointments are busy now. Just wait. And I was like, wait a minute, you can't get it.
SPEAKER_01:I guess it'll always get worse. But you're like, it does the whole thing. It it is, it's a whole thing because um they want you to do bone density tests that you that you should have. And I I I said to the doctor, why do I need a bone density test? And they want to check for uh osteoporosis. Oh yeah. And so um, and at at your age, it's important to do that. And I said, Well, my bones don't feel bad. I mean I can move on. I'll let you know there's a bone issue. Exactly. Um, but no, it it's preventative. Yeah. And so they um and then the hearing tests, and uh and what's interesting about the hearing part of it is I remember when I was in radio and thinking going to those concerts, putting in earplugs so that the because the music was so loud, yeah, I'm really glad I did that because many individuals who are in the music industry at a certain time later in life really find that they're having hearing issues because uh because everything was just loud.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's everything's still very loud. And it's very loud now, like going in in a different way, like going in the earbuds and or like on these big yeah, I don't think move the music has gotten any softer.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I don't think. Right. Um yeah. So pay attention. Pay attention. Maybe or maybe not scheduled hearing or eyeing to well no, you know, when the doctor tells me um to do it, then I'll then I'll do it when they're yeah. That's that's what I'm gonna lean into.
SPEAKER_01:So well, that's good. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it's been wonderful having this conversation with you. Thank you for having the conversation with me. Thank you for starting, not starting, but continuing this healthcare intergenerational conversation with your daughter, because as I mentioned, it's just it's I find it to be so important. I know that others do as well.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. So on to good health. On to good health. Have a great week. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
