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Raised By Her Podcast
Raised By Her is a mother–daughter podcast exploring the lessons, love, and lived experiences passed down through generations. Hosts Ro Nita and Donnica share honest, intergenerational conversations about womanhood, identity, family, and leadership - and the wisdom we inherit (and sometimes challenge).
Part humor and all heart, Raised By Her is a reminder that every generation has something to teach—and that the stories that raise us continue to shape who we become.
Raised By Her Podcast
Weddings, NAACP Freedom Awards & Halloween Traditions | Raised By Her
In this episode of Raised By Her, we catch up after a whirlwind week — from a breathtaking family wedding in Chattanooga’s Lookout Mountain to receiving a Social Justice award at the NAACP Freedom Awards.
They share what made the wedding truly special (hint: thoughtful details, live music, and fireworks), reflect on Ed Gordon’s powerful keynote about activism and accountability, and dig into the question: What happens after the march?
From there, the conversation flows into classic Raised By Her territory — family traditions, Halloween memories, fears that follow us into adulthood (yes, spiders), and how therapy and self-awareness help us break cycles we didn’t create.
It’s equal parts laughter, reflection, and real talk — the kind of mother-daughter conversation that reminds you why generational dialogue matters.
In This Episode:
- The beauty (and logistics) of an outdoor wedding done right
- Lessons from the NAACP Freedom Awards and Ed Gordon’s keynote
- The difference between marching and movement
- Systemic bias and the importance of speaking up
- Halloween nostalgia, family memories, and the joy of community
- Facing fears, finding therapy, and growing through self-awareness
- Why shows like This Is Us still matter in an AI world
Listen If You Love: Family conversations, civic engagement, social justice, culture, therapy talk, and the kind of storytelling that feels like home.
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🎤 New episodes every week. Honest conversations between mother and daughter on family, womanhood, and navigating life across generations.
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Welcome back to Raise by Her. How are you doing? I'm doing well. How are you doing this week?
SPEAKER_01:I'm doing much better, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:You've been busy. I've missed you. You've been all over. You've been traveling. I have. I have. It's been good busy then. Yeah. Yeah. Which is how busy we want to have these days.
SPEAKER_01:Very beneficial because it was filled with um some excitement and uh a lot of family, family love. Where were you? Chattanooga, Tennessee. Um, why were you in Chattanooga? I was at uh a wedding family uh event, and one of our cousins, uh, one of our first cousins' sons got married. Um, the son that's about your age, and it was a beautiful wedding.
SPEAKER_02:It was, so it was worth it. Because I really feel like weddings can be hit or miss. Like it's a conversation that we have in our household. It's like, okay, yay, we're so happy for the people that are getting married. Do we really want to go?
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Um, it was not only full of what I like to call all of the special touches for the couple, um, but also a lot of special touches and a lot of thought went into making the occasion very enjoyable for the family and everybody that attended.
SPEAKER_02:Like what? Like what was one of the special touches that you really appreciated?
SPEAKER_01:Well, the wedding itself was outdoors uh in the um the lookout mountains in Tennessee. I'm so jealous of people that can have outdoor wedding because it's so risky. Well, and but it was it was beautiful. It was a beautiful fall day. The weather was just perfect. Absolutely. And um it was a little warm, but they had fans um for everyone that they gave. Yes, thinking through it. Yes, every every little detail. So not only having um special drinks uh that um were very unique to the bride and the groom. So when you got there, you had a chance to have one of the specialty drinks, and of course, to have uh water easily available and beautiful outdoor music, playing live music, playing uh, and the sun was just at the right place uh on the patio, and then you moved to another section. Uh, you would appreciate this. They had very large photos of the bride and groom. So as you're walking to the seats where you're going to watch the ceremony itself, you're looking at these beautiful large photographs of the bride and groom. I do appreciate that. It was it was very nice. And there's this new technique of you can go to a telephone and you can instead of writing a special message to the bride and groom, you record the message. So you'd say who it is, and then you give them the special uh message.
SPEAKER_02:And uh it was just it was just I'm sorry that I couldn't go, but I'm glad it was everything that the bride, the groom, and the attendees wanted and needed it to be. Because traveling for a wedding is also particularly traveling nowadays, it's it's it can be a little tricky. How was your travel? Was it okay? My travel was good. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So he was thanking everyone for coming to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Okay. And um his his bride is Haitian, and so they had some special touches in terms of the menu and uh Did you try your Haitian food?
SPEAKER_02:Um well, a little bit. You know exactly what it was.
SPEAKER_01:Well, um, yes, it was Haitian food. That's fine. So um, but when um the um bride's father did his toast, yeah, he he did it in um the Haitian form of French, and it was beautiful, and then they had it translated. Um French is a Session language. Very nice, very nicely done, and something you would have really loved at the very end of the evening after all the special dances and um and everything was over. They had everyone to go outside. They had a fireworks show. Oh wow. I love that. Oh, yes, yes, in the mountains and sounds like a budget well spent, so yes, I'm sure it was. I I I was thinking he was talking about Italy, but they probably spent all some Italy kind of money on uh Tennessee, but it was worth it. Tennessee, yes. And Chattanooga is very uh historic in the fact that we were in the mountains and uh that was wait, is Chattanooga one of the places that we used to go um for family reunions? Um somewhere in Tennessee, right? Yes. Somewhere in the mountains, Uba. So um, but I hadn't been to Chattanooga in quite a while. I think we had to go through. Okay, we drove through, we never saw it. But the Hookout Mountains were very um were just beautiful at that particular time. So I was blessed to be there with with family and and cousins. And they ask about you, and and I told them you all had another obligation, otherwise you would have been there. Absolutely. You know, we love weddings.
SPEAKER_02:We do love weddings. Anytime that family can get together for a positive and good occasion. Yes. So they say like families get together for weddings and funerals. Yeah, yes. Um, so definitely for the weddings.
SPEAKER_01:In fact, we actually talked about the fact that the last time um that all of us had been together, it was for my mother's funeral. And so um, we were happy to be there for a special occasion as a happy occasion, and uh just very thankful for the celebration. And so we have a beautiful new cousin in the family, and yes.
SPEAKER_02:Love when families grow.
SPEAKER_01:I know, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Um, okay, so that was a part of your week, and then you got back and had to immediately go get celebrated at the NAACP and because you won a social justice award. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you very much.
SPEAKER_01:So well deserved. Well, I was very surprised and very humbled. Um, they it's called the Arthur Fisher Award, and the NAACP gives freedom awards to many of the individuals in our community that have done work in the community over the years, and so they gave quite a few awards out.
SPEAKER_02:But that is certainly you. Very community-minded, community-focused, and community with positive impact.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you. Thank you very much. So I was um just just very humble, but it was a beautiful affair. And uh the keynote speaker for this celebration, it was the 74th annual Freedom Awards Banquet, um, was a gentleman by the name of Ed Gordon. Why do I know that name? Well, he um is a journalist. He had shows on BET, so quite a bit quite a bit of um of history, uh, not only in terms of the civil rights movement and the kinds of uh stories that he has done throughout the the years, but uh quite uh an articulate journalist who really has had an impact in terms of the thought that we as a people and we as a culture um have really had to sort of go through change and transition. And he's been around for quite a while. What do you talk about? He talked about the areas of politics today. Okay. He talked about the fact of what our responsibility is, the responsibility of African Americans for themselves to be able to move through these challenging times with not only uh an attitude of what needs to be done, but then making sure that you are doing something. Uh most recently, of course, there was the No Kings March. Um, and he talked about the fact that there were over seven million people throughout the United States that attended those marches. And his question was, so what are you going to do now? We as a culture, we as a people have been through hard times before. So we march because that is a part of the movement. We also have individuals from the majority population who are there with us together. So this is not a movement for civil rights for just black people. This is a movement for civil rights for all people. Democracy as a whole in the US. Yes. And so he said, as we come together, we really need to talk about strategy. And we need to be able to then make sure that there is an action plan. And the the way that he approached this, what I thought was very interesting in terms of his remarks, he said, he's a sports analogy. He said, think about any of the sports. You always have the offense and the defense. And generally there's a playbook. So what is our playbook for being able to address those things that we are experiencing today with the current administration and some of the challenges that have put forth? All people of color, all people who are different, all people who are not wealthy and white are really under attack in some way, shape, or form.
SPEAKER_02:That's actually one of because I didn't attend a No Kings march, although um I've actually been in meetings uh with quite a few people over the course of the past week or so that did attend. And my question was, um, or who wanted to attend, either did or wanted to attend. And they were like, You're Donica, you're not going. And I was like, I'm trying to understand what the broader strategy is, because from my perspective, marching is a tool. Um, and it can be a piece of a larger strategy, but marching in itself is not the larger strategy. And now I am saying this without having done a deep dive or have done my own research. So maybe it's out there and I'm just not aware of it. But um, I will say I am obviously somebody who's informed about politics and policy and the fact that it hasn't come across from a either media perspective or just come across my my lane in terms of what the broader strategy is, I think is problematic in terms of the messaging.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I I think that's a very good point because there are many ways that we need to go about addressing those things that are happening in our country today. Because democracy is under attack. We do know that. And because democracy is under attack, right now, at this particular time, our government is shut down. So people are not working with pay. There are people who are working but without pay, and then there are people who are fur furlough not working at all. And the people who are being impacted are all of us. So how is this received in the room? Uh the the audience really received his remarks well because he's been a part of the movement.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I mean, and also it's a I mean he's the NAACP, so he's probably talking to a more so friendly audience for that message versus not, I would imagine.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and the NAACP has been known throughout history for over 100 years for being able to fight for the rights of all people, actually, uh the civil rights in terms of making sure that there's voter registration, fighting for educational uh equity for all people. So this is a time to be able to support organizations like the NAACP because you need to approach the problem with all different kinds of strategies. And so that was um that was a part of the message too. So you're right. It was a friendly audience, it was a family-oriented audience. In fact, um I was looking around and I thought I remember as a little girl sitting in the audience attending events like this, NAACP events, um, SCLC events, urban league events.
SPEAKER_02:So What's SCLC?
SPEAKER_01:The Southern Leadership Conference. Um what Jesse Jackson um was a was a part of. And um I'm familiar with the organization. I just hadn't heard that acronym before. But yes, well, NAACP, that's the National Um Association of Advancement of Colored People. Right.
SPEAKER_02:That one I know. That one they they talk in both acronyms and for many years.
SPEAKER_01:For many years. So I I think ultimately you walk away with feeling like this is community, this is family, a lot of churches where they're represented, lots of support across the board from There were young people in the room? Uh there were young people in the room, a good mixture of people and uh the current president. Uh uh Dr. Forward did a great job of being able to bring young people into the movement, if you will. Great. And to be recognized. A lot of wonderful people in the community were recognized. So congratulations to all of the folks here in Dayton that that received uh not only awards, but also recognition for the work they have done and are still doing today. Yes. Including you. Well, thank you. You'll there's still work to be done. Yes, still still work to be done. Quite a bit of work to be done. So uh so yes, so that's what I've been up to. What have you been up to this week?
SPEAKER_02:Um meetings, just meetings on meetings on meetings, really. So um meetings about what?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Because I was told to be really specific. Um meetings about potential clients, meetings um for new initiatives that I might be jumping into. I don't particularly like to talk about things until they're done. I know a lot of people talk about what it is they're going to do, which I think there can be a place for that, but um I'm not here to announce anything until um it's signed, sealed, delivered, and the contracts are signed. So um I will I will be more forthcoming in the future. Okay, but but right now we are still in the meetings, if you will, and in the discussions.
SPEAKER_01:So excuse me, you asked me um about the things I have been doing. One meeting that I was in, um, I thought about it particularly when I was at the NAACP Award because um I was have been a part of an organization on its on its foundation for uh 19 years. And uh myself along with several other board members are going off the board, and we were recognized for our years of service on this particular board of directors and for this particular organization that we helped grow. There's a new group of people that came in, very, very um uh uh interesting individuals with uh a lot of background in terms of community, in terms of really commitment to all aspects of public life and people who have their heart in the right place to be able to problem solve in our community. And so the particular individuals who are now coming on the board had been given uh some recognition as well. They were chosen to attend a particular event that represents this organization. However, the individuals who had been working there for many years, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 years, uh were not chosen to be a part of a particular this particular uh event. And I was sitting there at the NAACP event, and I was thinking that uh systemic bias uh is still so uh very alive in this country today. People feel like that they can pick and choose who's coming into the room and who's not coming into the room, and they feel okay with that. That really bothers me. How you and I together can be going someplace, doing the work together, committed to the same cause, but because people choose to then leave you out and people choose to let me in because they think that that's okay, even though we are equally coming into the room doing the work together, really bothers me.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, that's the same across the board though, right? Bothers you? I mean, or is it just the way it's always been? Because there's always a reason. I mean, I I don't tend to believe that things just happen um, you know, sporadically. I think that there is uh a reason behind everything.
SPEAKER_01:There is a reason behind it, and those who are in the decision-making uh positions, then they choose those people, which they're privileged to do because they are the ones in in control. But the fact that they think it's okay to choose or not choose with individuals who are have equal standing in terms of the work that they're doing is part of the problem today.
SPEAKER_02:But I mean, well, folks think it's okay until you decide that or until they are shown that it's not okay. There are several different ways that that can happen.
SPEAKER_01:That that is true. So um, so upon my exit, I chose to let them know how uh grateful I was to be a part of the organization, but how the way that several of the board members were treated at the end of our term was not acceptable in Korea today. It's important to speak up. It is important to speak up. Your grandmother would say it is important to speak up. Someone has to really hold folks accountable for what they're doing. And that was a part of the conversation that we had.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you've had a lot going on, it sounds like I have. So there's a holiday coming up. Ah, yes, yes, it wasn't it's not one of my favorites, but it's um it was as a child, I guess. I probably enjoyed dressing up, and um, of course, the candy, I do carry the candy thing around with me still as an adult. Um I guess the dressing up piece is fun, and I probably had fun as a youth doing it. I'm trying to think of like specific. I would go over to my friends' houses sometimes and trick-or-treat with them, their neighborhoods, and then vice versa, they would come over to our house and do a trick-or-treat. And then we know that you love to throw parties of all different sorts, and so there were a lot of Halloween parties and there were corn mazes and haunted houses and um dried ice with witches and grooms and yes, yes, all of that. Um, so how how are you thinking about Halloween these days?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I'm actually missing the little kid part of it because um actually in my neighborhood, not as many children. I think last year I had maybe three or four kids. They've all grown up. They've they've grown up. Um, and I also believe that today uh people don't celebrate Halloween in the same way with their kids. Now, they go to the malls, maybe, or they have something that's called trunk or treat.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So um the churches have trunk or treat. My gym has a trunk or treat. And so there's uh that kind of of celebration. The the Halloween tradition is for little kids to have fantasy and have fun. So dress up like your favorite characters or dress up like your your favorite superheroes. You were a superhero one year when you were a little girl. Your godmother made you made you the most fantastic Wonder Woman costume because people kept saying, Why did you get that? And I said, Her godmother made a costume. Yeah, she made me a lot of things. Yeah, she she's a uh good seamstress. For sure. And uh so I I kind of I miss that piece of it, um, seeing the kids and because I talk to them, you know, when they come up to the door, they can't just say trick-or-treat, they have to tell me who they are, what they are, why they chose the costume. That's the whole dialogue. Well, yes, because if you go through that whole conversation with them, then you're giving the kid an opportunity to express himself or herself, and and I think participate in the the uh celebration in a special way.
SPEAKER_02:Last year when we had, we didn't have a ton of trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood. I think we have more than three or four. Um, but you know, we have this big bowl of candy and we open it up and you know, what are you? And take as much. And so we had some really polite kids that were just took like one small piece of candy. I was like, well, you can take now. You know, take handfuls, it's okay. Right. Uh, but then some of kids, I guess they were older kids. I don't know. When I said you could take more, they took like half. Oh, and then like you don't want to push back really because you're like, that's you know, I don't want to take away from the fun, but also like there's a lot like that was super greedy. Like that's crazy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there is that problem too. Um, I was actually doing some reading just about the whole Halloween tradition, and it is now the second most popular celebration in terms of uh young people and adults in the country. And really the second most? Seven most after after the Christmas holidays. Because adults have gotten into it in adult costumes and big parties, and it's an$11 billion industry with all of the decorations and with all of the candy and with the costumes. That's why in your neighborhood you will see these places popping up where you can go in and get the the costumes and everything.
SPEAKER_02:That's true, and they're like temporary. They come in for like a season and they they leave. It's a lot to decorate. Well, it's a lot to decorate, period, regardless of the holiday. But um, yeah, some people are really into it. And I'm like, that's that's a time investment. It's it's an overall investment.
SPEAKER_01:It's celebrating life though. It's deciding that, you know, we are here, we are alive, let's just go out, let's celebrate, let's, let's let's just take a moment and let's live in the fantasy world because the the real world can just kind of kick your butt every now and then.
SPEAKER_02:I don't mind celebrating by attending, but throwing it is a lot.
SPEAKER_01:Throwing it. We gotta put the work behind it. You know, I've told you that before. You just really cannot just say no, you you can't just you have to be able to put the the work of um so yeah, and I I think being able to feel good about other people laughing and enjoying themselves. And if I had to be a a character today, I was trying to think what I would what I'd dress up as. Now I've been clowns. I've I've been clowns in the past. Um I have played um a psychic, uh, Madame Darva Puff, uh, and I carried around my crystal ball.
SPEAKER_02:Is that a was that a real It was me.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, okay. You made that up. I was like that made her up, but for something else. Yes. Uh but my my uh employees really liked it because throughout the year, um I would have them write down their goals at different times. Okay. Just because I want to be able to be supportive as a manager. And so when I was Madam Darva Puff, I would pull out the information that I had, and so then I'd make a mental note. So then when I was with my crystal ball and we are at the party and at the event, and they would come to see me, I could talk about what their goal was, and they would think, Wow, you know, you're really good at this. So, hey, you know, I have the technique that I say. Okay, it's okay. Fantasy world.
SPEAKER_02:Fantasy world, okay. All right, I see. I um good witch, bad witch maybe with different times. I don't know. Um, let's see, what would I be? It would you know what it would depend on the comfort of the costume, honestly. So I remember the last Halloween party I think I went to. Um, I was a pilot, and it was great. It was fun for all the reasons that you just outlined, but it was just uncomfortable. The costume itself was just uncomfortable. I was like, I'd much rather be at this party wearing something more comfortable.
SPEAKER_01:See, this is where you should have called your godmother instead.
SPEAKER_02:That probably would take it to more creep planning outside of just ordering a package off of Amazon. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:That's exactly right. You would have had to, but see, she could have whipped you up whatever you wanted, and it would have been comfortable. It would have been comfortable.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Well, I hope that everybody has a wonderful Halloween, whether they are hosting or attending or just relaxing.
SPEAKER_01:I I think so. And I know that those who don't really believe that it is a fun holiday, I hope that they can then find something else that is equally as enjoyable for the kids. Because some people feel like it's uh sacrilegious, that it is not something um that should be celebrated because there is uh some people felt like it was worshiping um some of the uh ghosts.
SPEAKER_02:Um I see it is a scary um holiday. That's actually probably another reason that I'm not super into it, because I don't like to be scared. That's right. And so I don't like scary movies really. I'll watch them occasionally. I have watched them over my life, but um, you know, if if we're gonna pick a movie, I'm like, can we do a comedy? Can we do a good drama? Yes, you know, right. But um to pick fear, but people people, it's like a massive genre.
SPEAKER_01:They're like it is, and the movies have done very well. They've made like Halloween one, Halloween two, they three, four, eight, nine two. They've they've updated them and um where the last scary movie you watched. So the last scary movie. Um no, I don't remember the last scary movie that I watched, but when I'm asked about do I like scary movies, I said no. Um, but I I do know that um The Invasion of the Body Snatchers was uh one of the favorite movies that I really, really was sick by. I watched it and then I'm like, I can go to sleep because a part of the um the whole theory of that movie, uh, the script is very detailed. But if you fall asleep, then your body is snatched. And so you become then one of the movies. Okay. Which um I did watch the remake of it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh then you had the reoccurring nightmares again, and it's in here we are.
SPEAKER_01:If the new one was as good as the old one. Was it?
SPEAKER_02:No. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that that seems attract.
SPEAKER_01:Um, but I don't like scary movies either, so um Um let's see.
SPEAKER_02:I'm trying to think of the last scary movie I watched. It might have been, oh, it's like one of those murder ones where people come and they're like chasing you. Okay, I can't remember the actual name of it. But we know that I am terrified of spiders. Yes. Everyone? Anyone know? And I've been scared of spiders for as long as I can remember.
SPEAKER_01:This is a true statement. And um And I've tried every way that I could to break you from that particular fear.
SPEAKER_02:You have family members have uh, yes, all different techniques which just terrified me further. Um, like having a spider and then like killing it and then having me like pick it up because I don't want to see even like a spider carcass. And because I'm hyper aware, because I'm so afraid of it, I'm hyper-aware of them. So I can spot them. Like if I were to walk into a white room and there was a white spider in the corner, I would see it.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I know that. You you've called me from various places around the world. Lisa, mommy, there's a spider, and I'm thinking, okay, I'm, you know, like 2,000 miles away to what do you want me to do about it? But okay, mommy, we'll talk you through this.
SPEAKER_02:So even when I've had that fear, uh I don't know what friend of mine talked me into watching the movie Arachnophobia. Um but I did, I probably probably took me like two days to watch. There's no way I watched it all the way. Um, but speaking of ongoing nightmares, that's something that have stuck with me. And so I even when I'm turning on and off a lamp like 20 or 30 years later now, I'm still like, I hope I don't get bit by this super scary spider, or I'm getting in the shower and I'm like, oh my god, is there am I gonna be attacked when I shut my eyes because shampoo's running down my my face? It's um scary they stick with you.
SPEAKER_01:They do. And this the particular movie that you're talking about, um there's a a memory that I have for you. You were on a bus trip, and the bus driver allowed the the students on the trip to choose a movie.
SPEAKER_02:And oh, is that what is that how I saw it? It's so it's okay.
SPEAKER_01:You chose that well, you didn't choose, but it's like someone chose that movie. But when you got ready to do your applications or your essay for college, you actually wrote about that experience.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. So it did have some value. It did. Um, and then again, many years later, when we moved um to Ohio, we bought a house that I don't know that I realized how long it had been vacant, nor did I realize that when you buy a house on a golf course, it can over-index in spider activity.
SPEAKER_01:And so I don't think it's because it's sitting on the golf course. I I really think it's because of the location.
SPEAKER_02:But in the six or seven um companies, pest control companies that you know I've interviewed and worked with over the course of two years, you know, six or seven. Um, they told me it's it's not uncomfortable. So, okay, so maybe it's the area, maybe it's not the golf course.
SPEAKER_01:But I think somebody told me something about you have a lot of vegetation around this piece of it.
SPEAKER_02:And so I started chopping down trees, and they were like, okay, ma'am, we do have like a landscaping standard. We can't just like get rid of all brush around your house. And I was like, well, that's where they live. We just we have to eradicate. It was I moved into a house of horrors uh before you know we we got it up to well, I mean, the house itself is beautiful and fine, but I was living amongst my worst nightmare, spiders.
SPEAKER_01:So perhaps the um lesson here?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, what's the life lesson here?
SPEAKER_01:You need to get over. Don't move to Ohio. No, no, no, no. You need to get over that fear. So this This is a way to be able now that you're an adult and you have more opportunity to be able to think through this. Let's decide we're going to move on and get over that fear.
SPEAKER_02:Is that how fear works? That you just decide you're going to get over it. No. Because when I'm attacked at, you know, 2 a.m. going to get a bottle of water by a wolf spider. I don't know that like you know the decision I can make in the moment, I'm like, I gotta go.
SPEAKER_01:No, you really have to work on it. Um, so I I actually had a friend tell me recently that she's uh one of her friends is trying to get rid of uh her fear of flying, and so she's taking classes on how to be able to do that. So perhaps we need to to have some counseling and try to see if at this point in your life because it hasn't dissipated. No, like it has remained consistent. I have I have a fear of going down on elevators, so and um and I have not been able to get rid of it. I can do it, it just takes quite a while, and it takes me to get rid of everything in my hands and to really concentrate, not on the fact that I am going down on an escalator, but the fact that this is going to be okay, it's going to be safe. And I fell when I was about, I don't know, nine, ten years old on the elevator, and so I mean on the escalator. So that's why I have that fear.
SPEAKER_02:The classes to get over the fear of spiders. Like I'm here for the classes to progress professionally in other ways, but I'm like, if that involves me like sitting in a room, it also takes me back to that. Do you remember that show, America's Next Top Model? Yes. Okay. So there was one season um where a model was also terrified of spiders. And they must have you like fill out a form before the show that that talks about your fears because they would do this to the girls like every season. Like, what's your fear? And then it would show up in a photo shoot. And one girl was terrified of spiders, and they had a photo shoot where um they had these big these tarantulas that you had to shoot with, and they would put them on your face. Yeah. And so she actually did it. That would have been the end of my modeling career. Like, I would there's no way that would happen. I I understand that. There you go. Oh my gosh. And then, but it's like it shows up in the strangest way. So I also, as you know, I love watching um reality shows around love. And there was uh I was watching, I think this must have been like Married at First Sight or something like that.
SPEAKER_01:Which it's sounds terrifying anyway, just in G. Yeah, that could probably be its own scary movie. So Married at First Sight, the very first time you see this person and you decide And the family so in the yes. And you're walking down the aisle. But okay, that's another another podcast all right.
SPEAKER_02:Well um, well, anyway, so you go through, yes, that process, and then eventually in the process, you go to each other's homes, so you can gather your things to get into um your new place together, but then they can also see like how you've been living. And one man had pet tarantulas. And I was like, I are you kidding me? She had married him. She had married him already. Now she didn't have that, she didn't like them. Um, I don't know that he brought them with him to get to move him to their joint apartment when they figured out why or not they wanted to be married over the next eight weeks or so. But I wouldn't have been able to go downstairs. I wouldn't be able to stay in the house knowing that there's like a bunch of tarantulas just roaming in the basement.
SPEAKER_01:I think that probably should have been one of the questions on the that they ask of the questionnaire in terms of the the potential bride and the relationship that that they eventually match them up to have. Because I don't think that's something that's that's even fair. Well, no.
SPEAKER_02:But it really is just spiders because I I like other like I like snakes. Remember when I had a pet snake?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I do. Of course I remember when you had a pet snake.
SPEAKER_02:What is a mother's reaction to a daughter who wants to bring home a pet snake?
SPEAKER_01:No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. That was the reaction that I had. I thought you and your father um had really lost your mind that you're not bringing that snake into our house. And you all brought that snake on an airplane from Virginia to Ohio.
SPEAKER_02:I think this was pre-TSA, but this was it was the story. Back in the olden days, uh, we were visiting family in Virginia. I saw a garden snake in my grandmother's garden and was like, ooh, pet. And um, my father was like, of course it's a pet. I grew up with snakes in the gardens. Um, so we put it in a jar and I was like, I don't know how we're gonna get it home. My dad was like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. So we put it in a jar, put it in my backpack, and then yeah, we flew it home. And uh I was a little concerned about it going that. I actually wonder how it made it through those machines because we did have those machines where you know they like scan everything, but maybe they just thought it was a jar of, I don't know, licorice or something.
SPEAKER_01:And also they had those machines back then. I I think you see well, no. You I mean, we used to just be able to go to the airport, have your ticket and get on the plane. Okay, you did not have to have the scanning success before all of uh the challenges that they have.
SPEAKER_02:But then many years later they had snakes on a plane, the movie, and I just thought it was hilarious because I was like, oh, I did that. Thankfully it was a different circumstance and it wasn't like multiple killing snakes, they're just a little garden snake.
SPEAKER_01:Well, had the person sitting on the other side of you and your father at that particular time or in front of back if you knew that you had a snake, that might have been an issue on that airplane that shows emergency landing somewhere between Virginia and awesome. You didn't even have an opportunity to bring that snake home.
SPEAKER_02:I know, like nobody would let so we try to bring it home. You said absolutely not, and so then I called uh my next favorite person in the world, you know, my grandmother, and she said no. And I was like, You never tell me no. That's absolutely right. Okay, this is where I draw the line. Yes, you know, no snakes. But my grandfather let me put the snake in his in his truck until we could figure out the next steps. He did, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So but see, that's the difference between what I call sanity and insanity at a particular time with a child. There have to be some rules, some rules and some things you say no to. And with the snakes, I was drawing the line. You had all kinds of other animals and everything in the household, but no snakes.
SPEAKER_02:Not a pet snake. You draw the line at snakes, yeah. I say, okay. Yeah, I do. I hear you. So it's also homecoming season.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:Do you go back to your homecomings?
SPEAKER_01:I have been. Uh I've been to homecomings uh well, my high school no longer exists, so we haven't had high school homes. How did you feel about that? When they decided to tear my high school down and build another school there. Okay, so that kind of tells me how you feel about that. It was it was uh actually it was emotionally challenging for me. Uh they uh decided that they were going to take the land of the public school system and build another building there, and they renamed the area. So not only were they tearing the building down, but the the high school that I grew up in and went to was no longer in existence. Um so those of us who were still involved in some activities prior to this wanted to know were they doing with all of the photographs and all of the paraphernalia, all the trophies and all the things. Um they put it in storage.
SPEAKER_02:Oh. So in this new building or just storage out of the store. Storage beyond somewhere. Yeah, storage uh never to be seen again. Probably not.
SPEAKER_01:Um I have to ask about where some of those things are because uh my high school was uh a high school that really was very good. The athletes are very good in sports. It's a lot of trophies and a lot of paraphernalia.
SPEAKER_02:So it's homecoming for high school. What about college?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I've been back to the homecoming for uh for college as well, uh, not as often. I think that's probably more exciting for those either who are involved in sports or involved um at the historically black colleges. That's a big deal for uh for those colleges.
SPEAKER_02:Have you ever been to an HBCU homecoming, even though you didn't go to an HBCU?
SPEAKER_01:Made me wish I had gone to Kid City U.
SPEAKER_02:That weekend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yes, yes, absolutely. I think the um the camaraderie and the the brothers and the sisters being able to get together and hang out and even the competition, the cycle. Celebration. And you know, it's not about the game. So no. It's about the band. It's about the band. Yeah, it's about the bands, it's about what you're wearing too. Yep. Because at that at the at the homecoming uh games, the uh the sisters and brothers were stepping out and the fraternities and sororities. So it's a it's a big deal. It also allows you, again, to just go into a time of your life when you were young and free and having a good time. You're not still young and free. I'm well, I'm young. Even though I raised her, I am I I'm young at heart. You know what you are. That's all the area. I think it is important to uh to be young in spirit. And I'm young, I feel good, I'm healthy. I think all of those things are are good. So it's cool to be able to reconnect in a time of your life when you were, I think, really innocent as well. What does innocence mean to you?
SPEAKER_02:What does innocence mean to me? Um, I mean, you know, I'm a lawyer, so I'm like innocence is the opposite of guilty.
SPEAKER_01:But when you're young, when you're young and you're you're innocent, you can approach life, you can do things, you can feel a certain kind of way.
SPEAKER_02:Well, they don't call it the innocence of youth, they call it the naivete of youth. So I don't know if at least that's that's the language I've heard around it. You're looking at me like no, that's not the language that you've heard around it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's an adult phrase. I think that uh of course adults feel that young people are naive. Adults feel that you, as a young person, have no idea of either what you're missing or what you you're getting yourself involved in. But when you think about naivete, naivete, I believe, allows one to maybe have some innocence, but it also means that you're not really thoughtful about those perhaps consequences of the circumstance.
SPEAKER_02:So maybe it depends on what phase of life you're talking about, because I'm talking when I think of when you're saying youth, I'm going all the way back. So I'm like the way kids approach things. They're naive. They have no concept of the consequences unless they are exposed to parents that give them consequences. Um, you know, but I'm I'm not talking about being naive in your teenage years, even your 20 years, because that after that you have some life experience.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, you do have life experience. I don't think there's anything wrong with innocence. Um, I I don't think there's anything wrong with being able to learn certain lessons because I think then you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over again. But naivety, I believe, can have some real challenges.
SPEAKER_02:Agreed. I agree with you. Yeah. I think well, I think there's some there's some real challenges if you had the same mindset at six years old that you would have, you know, in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifty.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you can't really I mean you you shouldn't.
SPEAKER_02:Look, I feel like some people literally never grow up and still deal with the same things. They don't go through the therapy, they don't do the self-work, and that the same issues that they're tackling in their 40s, 50s, 60s are the same issues that they are tackling or that they tackled or they weren't tackling, they were just living through in their teens, 20s, 30s.
SPEAKER_01:Do you think those individuals even know that they have those issues?
SPEAKER_02:I think it depends. It's I think it it takes a level of self-awareness um or openness to feedback. And then um, so maybe, maybe you know, maybe you don't, maybe you think it's fine. And there's all types of different circumstances that could fall under this, but I think it just depends.
SPEAKER_01:At a certain age, you have to take responsibility for your decisions, for the actions that you take, for the fact that it is important to know and then grow. If you don't grow, then you continue to repeat the same mistakes in different ways over and over again. And then that causes your life and your life cycle not necessarily to move forward.
SPEAKER_02:I agree with you. I've heard a quote, it's um you're not responsible for the trauma that happened to you, but you are responsible for yeah, your growth afterwards. That's right. How you react to it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That's and it's an important lesson to learn, and which is why, as you know, I'm an advocate for not only self-awareness, but also for therapy to be able to move through something. Many times we don't even know what that trauma was. Right. Therapy's everything.
SPEAKER_02:I am also a huge fan. I wonder why. But yeah, you don't even know because you can block that out, you don't remember. It's um so many things in our adulthood stem from our childhood. And even that baseline knowledge, not everybody knows.
SPEAKER_01:Um, there was a TV show called Um This Is Us. Yes, it was so good. Why do you say it was good?
SPEAKER_02:Because it was real, it was relatable, the acting was fantastic, there was true diversity in the cast, and I also feel like almost every character, there's somebody that either you could relate to or you know somebody um who's going through something similar. So whether it was um Kate dealing with her weight, or it was uh Randall. Yes, Randall trying to navigate being a black child adopted by a white family, or it was the father who ended up passing away all that he was trying to do to support his family and how challenging that was, or um, the mom who was played by Mandy Moore, I can't remember what her name was, and how she was trying to navigate her career and also deal with her insecurity. I mean, it was just all encompassing. And it was family.
SPEAKER_01:It was family, and it was very well done. So well done. I liked the fact that they would relate what someone was going through as an adult back to something that had occurred in childhood. And so they would have that sort of juxtaposition back and forth, and you'd say, Oh, yes. It allowed me then to sort of think about the fact that perhaps the way I'm reacting to this situation today has something to do that occurred when I was when I was younger. And I just thought they did that so very well.
SPEAKER_02:They did excellent. I'm actually because again, going back to the fact that I enjoy watching uh TV shows, and particularly good TV shows, not the scary ones, but the dramas. Um well-written dramas. Well-where those still exist, which I am really happy about. There was a new one that was just on HBO called Task, um, which is HBO, yeah, which was fantastic. It just ended uh because I'm a little worried about the quality of content, TV content in particular, since it's a it's an outlet that I enjoy moving forward and people just like popping scripts into Chat GPT or having AI write in a different type of way. I'm like, then how are you gonna be able to catch, excuse me, the soul of these TV shows that um I truly enjoy? Because I think that human element, that human touch is a part of what makes it so special and so relatable.
SPEAKER_01:Many of the script writers for some of the uh Emmy Award-winning shows talked about the fact of how long it took them either to get their particular show on the air or the research that they had done before presenting the script to the network and and being able to actually have the production to move forward. What you're talking about is the fact that there may be shortcuts that um folks will be taking, or writers will be taking, or producers will be taking. But there's so much uh content that is necessary today with all the streaming services and with everything that is um out there for us to see. Yeah, there probably will be some challenges. You have to research so that you'll know if it's not only well thought out, well researched, well written, and then well acted.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, I just want to keep having good TV shows that I can enjoy moving forward. I don't want this AI boom to disrupt all of the activities that I enjoy. We'll see.
SPEAKER_01:DVD. We will we we will see. Well, good. Well, I've certainly enjoyed all the various conversations today. Oh, yeah, we were all over the place, but that's kind of how we are sometimes. We are that way sometimes. And uh I hope that you have a good week. And I look forward to us being able to not only talk about um what's going to come up in the future, but uh having a good week coming up.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, sounds good. Happy Halloween.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Love you, bye bye.
