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Raised By Her Podcast
Raised By Her is a mother–daughter podcast exploring the lessons, love, and lived experiences passed down through generations. Hosts Ro Nita and Donnica share honest, intergenerational conversations about womanhood, identity, family, and leadership - and the wisdom we inherit (and sometimes challenge).
Part humor and all heart, Raised By Her is a reminder that every generation has something to teach—and that the stories that raise us continue to shape who we become.
Raised By Her Podcast
Dogs Are Not Children & "Sephora Kids" | Raised By Her
Is 70 the new 50—or are we just ignoring the fine print of aging?
In this episode of Raised By Her, we break down healthy aging, building a 10-year aging plan, and why the “I’ll be happy when…” mindset keeps people stuck.
Ro Nita and Donnica recap the “Paws in Paris” gala with a surprise third co-host—Truffle the Dog—and share hilarious pet stories (including the $10,000 puppy we almost bought). Then we shift into the real talk: how your body changes, why you can’t dodge hard conversations with your doctor, and how to stay mentally strong as you get older. We also address the viral “Sephora Kids” skincare trend and why children using anti-aging products like retinol is a problem. Plus: sunscreen truth, Black skincare nuance, legacy moments, and Donnica’s keynote takeaway that hits every time—Do it afraid.
TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 — Meet Truffle: Our Unplanned Third Co-Host 🐾
0:58 — Paws in Paris: What Really Happened at the Gala
2:50 — Picking the Right Dog (Before You Regret It)
6:50 — They Wanted HOW MUCH? The $10,000 Puppy Debate
12:11 — The Guinea Pig “Bullying” Story (Yes, Really)
18:40 — Giving the Family Dog Away… and the Fallout
23:48 — Is 70 the New 50? The Part Nobody Mentions
29:36 — Your 10-Year Aging Plan (Steal This Framework)
34:50 — Andrew Weil’s Advice on Loss, Aging, and Starting Over
36:20 — “Sephora Kids” Controversy: Why Kids Don’t Need Retinol
41:53 — Sunscreen + Black Skincare: What People Get Wrong
45:45 — Honoring Black Real Estate Pioneers (Legacy Talk)
49:30 — Do It Afraid: Fear Is Proof You’re Close
54:03 — The “Introvert” Myth (And How It’s Holding You Back)
Speaking, partnerships, and press: raisedbyherpodcast@gmail.com
🎤 New episodes every week. Honest conversations between mother and daughter on family, womanhood, and navigating life across generations.
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Welcome back to Raise by Her. Please feel free to like and subscribe. Hi there.
SPEAKER_03:Well, hello there. How are you?
SPEAKER_02:Good. How has your week been?
SPEAKER_03:It's been a good week, been a busy week, but uh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:We have a third co-host with us this time. How about that? Little Truffle. Little Miss Truffle, yeah. Yeah. Usually she's in her cage being a very good girl. Okay. But today, one of the things we want to talk about was dogs. Ah, you and dogs. And this came out because we just went to um the Humane Society Gala. Okay. And one of the main drivers for us attending is the fact that they let us bring Little Truffle.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, Truffle got truffle got to go to the game. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_02:She is a swan. Yes. Yes. And so the theme was Pause in Paris.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, oh.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So very cute. It's cute. Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And you talked about your Paris experience with her. So she was preparing.
SPEAKER_02:So she was preparing, yes. And she had on the correct outfit. And did you have a did you have a little beret on your head, truffle? So yes. And I took pictures. Oh, okay. And I got my uh photo drawn and I got some treats and I met the other dogs that were in attendance. Nice. I love Paris. Yes. Did you like Paris Rolls? So um yes. And so that that's why I was like, let's let's talk a little bit more about what dogs have meant uh to me, because I know I have had quite the lived experience thanks to you and my father. And then now, um, you know, as a millennial with a dog, uh I mean, my dog is she just lives the life. Yeah, she is yeah, yeah. She's like a little person, although that makes your generation cringe because you're like dogs are not children. This is a true statement. Dogs are not children. We have to take her to school, you know, so she can learn. We have to take her to a gala so she can socialize. She has to go to the dog park so she can further socialize, like a play date. She has to, you know, because she gives so much to us. Dogs give so much to their owners.
SPEAKER_03:And I've read about this trend and it concerned me. And listening to you so that about stillness. That too. Um, although, I mean, she's such a good dog. I mean, it's it's hard not to want to spoil her, but um, I think you and probably many other people go overboard with the whole scenario.
SPEAKER_02:Such a thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, it is such a thing.
SPEAKER_02:There is such a thing as overboard for the dogs. But she is a very good dog, but that wasn't by accident. Based on all of my prior experiences, I was very specific about what I thought would be the best fit for me and my household in getting so uh what is the breed and why is she the best? Yes. So she is a teddy bear, which is a Bijan shih tzu mix. Okay. And it's actually not I initially wanted a purebred Bijan, but uh we got her during COVID. So actually, my initial thought was okay, let's go rescue. But during COVID, as folks may know, and as you talk about at the time when you were um listening to us go through this journey, um, that like all the small dogs were gone. And I also knew that I wanted a small dog. I didn't want to fight with a big dog because I had done some volunteering at a humane society uh when we still lived in DC, and they had matched us with I think she was like half pit bull, half something else. Um she was good, but she was big.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:In your apartment. You had the dog in your apartment at that point?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it was more of a condo. It was it was a condo because uh this was before me and my husband got married. Okay. So yeah. Um, and so she was with us, and then I remember like we had to transport her somewhere. And so I was like, all right, let's get in the car. And she did not want to get in the car. And I we we ended up being late because all right, um, she would not get in. So I was like, never again. Now moving forward, the only type of dog I will have is one that I can pick up and put where I needed to go so I can stay on schedule.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, okay. Um so that's how part of how you made your decision.
SPEAKER_02:That is that's why it's a small dog and a large dog. Okay. And then I also didn't want a really high energy dog. Um, she is uh medium energy. I actually wanted low energy, and my husband was like, we are not getting a low energy dog.
SPEAKER_03:One of one of the dogs that we had earlier was a low energy, low energy dog. So I think I can I can share that story with you. Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Um, and so she's medium energy, but I didn't want a super hyper dog that needed to be walked five times a day and was just gonna yap, yap, yap. And part like poodles are high energy dogs.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, we do know this. Well, we know this. We've had several of them.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, growing up I had several poodles. Did you all know that it was that they were high energy dogs when we got no all you wanted, all you wanted was a poodle. Well, because they are so cute. I mean, the the the styling and the uh see, but it's through that experience I learned the importance of not just the sideline, but also the personalities.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, let's shoot. Let's shoot let's shoot truffle. Um, and you wanted you wanted a toy poodle, and you wanted a uh a brown toy poodle. That's what you asked for. So yes, yes. You you were a pretty specific little girl.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. That and uh specific adult, I think, but it's interesting. Drizzly aired on there. That's where I get it from. Okay. Um okay, so so medium energy. Um, I also wanted a dog that was hypoallergetic. I did not want a dog that was gonna shed everywhere. Um, because I do really love greyhounds. Um and uh Italian greyhounds in particular, because they are the size. And anyone who knows anything about greyhounds knows that no, they have the sweetest disposition. They really do. Um they're just so graceful.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, they're just we had an Italian greyhound when you were um younger, um, and named Michelangelo. Yes, Mikey. Yes, yes. Um, but he shed everywhere.
SPEAKER_02:A little bit. Yeah. So I was like, well, I love the breed. None of that. A little bit. Um, and so I there's all these like assessments and tests and stuff out there, and so um landed on a Bichon. Okay. Really good fit. And so, and no rescues had any Bichons during this time. So I was like, okay, we will then go buy one. And there was a a store that um sold purebred dogs, and so we went. Guess how much they wanted for a purebred Bichon puppy.
SPEAKER_03:I have no idea, but if this was during COVID, I do remember that prices went.$10,000. Oh no.
SPEAKER_01:$10,000. Oh my, are you kidding me? I was like, that just seems like a little much.
SPEAKER_03:Uh oh, they were really taking advantage of people who wanted dogs. Yeah. Oh, that's you know what, that saddens me. That saddens me because that means that people who really wanted a dog and maybe even needed a dog during the COVID period would not necessarily be able to afford the dog.
SPEAKER_02:Well, if they had all the requirements that I had, we still went in to meet the the Bijons that they had, but this um the personalities in the room, and this is the price, just did not match. You gave a little spastic. I didn't care about the gender. Actually, is that true? Yeah, I wanted a male dog. I wanted a male dog because truffle is is a girl, but I wanted a male dog because I heard that they bond better with uh woman. I don't know if that's true or not. Truffle and I have a good bond, but um anyway, this this dog um maybe had a bin in the in the store for too long because he was just a little spastic and I was like that that's that's not going to align. Okay, all right. And so we were we were so sad that none of it aligned. But then my husband, he was like, Well, there's another store like down the road, but it's not purebred, Donica. And I was like, I just don't know if we can do it because I want the behaviors to match with behaviors that I had researched. Right. And I was like, okay, okay, I will go take a look at all these um hybrids? What are they called? Mixed breeds. That's what they call it. Mixed breeds, yes. Um, and so they did say they had a couple of different mixes with Bijons. Okay. Um, and so I was in there then researching again. I was like, okay, what are all these other breeds that might be a good match? And um we met one other dog besides truffle. Again, too high energy for me. Um my husband's pretty laid back. He was like, Clearly, you have like some methodology.
SPEAKER_01:Here's whatever you think is good.
SPEAKER_02:Whatever that, whatever that works. Yes. Um they brought truffle um to us, and she literally just like sat there. She didn't move and just looked at me, and I looked at her. And I was like, Are you my spirit animal? Because you're like not moving, you're just kind of chilling. Right. Um, so we've been chilling together ever since.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. And how did you end up naming her truffle? Because I do remember when you called and said, We got a dog, and you were all excited. Yeah. And but we haven't named her yet.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it's a tough thing to do. I mean, it I would argue that it rivals naming a child.
SPEAKER_03:I know you do not agree with that. I do not agree with that. No, I do not agree with that at all.
SPEAKER_02:She says I was just gonna be identified for the rest of her life.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, right. Um, I just love foods and yes, I know that too.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and so I just thought it would be a cute thing. And she, I don't know how truffle came to me, but you know, you know, in terms of naming things, like it's right. You know, you you meet the the being and you spend a little time and you think about what makes sense for who you think they are and where you kind of want them to be.
SPEAKER_03:Such a cute name for a dog. Truffle sounds perfect for your your yes, for her and how she manages her life and manages the two of you. And then periodically she comes and she stays with me and how she manages things. So I think truffle is is the perfect name. Um, but I think you do have to match a little bit of the personality with with the dog.
SPEAKER_02:I think a lot of it. You think just a little well I people have horror stories about naming the whole thing. Oh, oh, you mean about naming? Yes, I'm talking about okay. Uh um, oh yeah, with with the name. I mean, I just I tried, I wanted to approach it with intentionality, and I think it worked out. And we haven't met another truffle out in the wilds, but when we take her um to her grooming, they have met another truffle or two.
SPEAKER_03:Somebody heard that about this name and they just liked it too. In some way, yeah. Now, I do remember at some point she was online and there was uh communication with truffle. I think you all had uh her doing certain kinds of things.
SPEAKER_02:Uh oh, oh, so my husband wanted to create a social media page for her, and so she does an Instagram and a Facebook with far more followers. Oh yeah, she's a little star when she wants to be. Okay. All right. Yeah, that but that's a whole thing. Like people people do it and they make money from it, but content creation is no joke, and so well, you had some other animals before Truffle.
SPEAKER_03:Um, and I think you all had a uh you had a guinea uh good point. And so, and they had Facebook pages or um they had some kind of social media presence as well.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that it that again is my is my husband. Um, but okay, so um we're married. I know what a big commitment a dog is. Yes. And well, really well, I had some idea watching you raise Yes, we'll we'll talk about that number of dogs. Okay, yes, yes. Um, and so I was like, okay, but I we wanted a pet. So I was like, let's start with fish. Um and so you know, they're they're beautiful and you can teach them to interact and everything, but I was like, they're not quite interactive enough. Right. And so then we graduated to a um hamster who was named Chubbs. Yes. And he he was mean. It's harder to pick based on personality, a hamster.
SPEAKER_03:Really? That doesn't yeah.
SPEAKER_02:As he just wasn't very friendly. Um, and so I was like, ah, let's like figure out what else. And so then we graduated to guinea pigs. So we got a guinea pig. I didn't realize that you can't, you're not supposed to just have one guinea pig because they are so extremely social that if you just have one, they become depressed and they die early. I was like, that's oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think is that the reason why you had three guinea pigs, and when I would come to visit, I'm thinking, first there was one, it was a hamster, and now there's another, there was a guinea pig, and now there are three guinea pigs.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you know, actually, I I don't is it Sweden? There's some country in Europe where it's illegal to have just one. That's how severe. Yeah. So you are if you have one, you are required to have at least two. That's not the United States. Oh. But yeah, so we started with two, and just we had such a positive experience with them. They were interactive, they had their own personalities. And I was like, well, if you can have two, why not get three?
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And then we we kind of tapped out. But then we had to deal with bullying. I didn't realize what do you mean bullying? So when there is a bonded pair and you bring in a third, um, they they can treat the third poorly if they don't the guinea pigs treat the third guinea pigs. So they're like they're like teenage girls.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:They just they they're just very, very social in how they see yes, and so you have to you have to manage them in a certain time. It was a lot. I actually don't know what's more work, having a dog or guinea pigs.
SPEAKER_03:Well, when you had three of them and a hamster, I could see that that was uh that was a lot of work. I began to think that you all probably needed a little bit of therapy because every time I come visit, there was an additional animal there. And so perhaps children was, you know, was the theme that I was that I was thinking of. They will eventually graduate. Yes, as as you know, a potential grandparent here. Yeah. And you know, I refuse to be a grandparent to hamsters, guinea pigs, and even I am not a grandparent, even as darling and sweet as Truffle is to Truffle is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, your response to to being called the grandparent of pets was very severe.
SPEAKER_03:It is still, it is still that way. I am not, I am not having it anyway. But okay.
SPEAKER_02:But I guess this shouldn't shock you because at some point, uh, when you all allowed me to start venturing into having pets, I was across the board.
SPEAKER_03:You were. And we had a we had a lot of them. We we started with uh the dogs, but because you love so many of them, and your grandfather thought you should have anything and everything that you wanted. And so he would be someplace and they would have something, and he would bring home a big huge turtle, or there might be a rabbit, or one of your aunts uh decided that you needed a bird because you loved her birds, and so we'd come home and it would get family. Just took care of me. That's right. Your godmother um gave you some fish at home. I mean, so we had a lot of pets for me to take care of.
SPEAKER_02:I so I remember the turtle. Um, a turtle smell.
SPEAKER_03:It it it did, so we had to move the the turtle to the garage. Yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, um, he was also fast.
SPEAKER_03:So I I was surprised at the fact that he could move.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. No, they're marketing, so is inaccurate.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, we had to have a little um we used your your little kitty pool so that he would have some place to uh to have water and and like I said, it was work because then I had to research to find out not breathing, animals, of course, and then um what uh birds.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, birds are also quite messy.
SPEAKER_03:They are messy, and I was not happy when you came home with the bird, and I was talking to your aunt. She said, Well, she loved the birds every time she'd come to visit, so I you know I just had to make sure she had her own. Uh-huh. You can't go visit your aunt anymore.
SPEAKER_02:So um, rabbit had a rabbit for a period of time. Yes. Um, I remember, I can't remember if it was a him or her being mean as well. Yeah, not very friendly. So um, and we've had like five or six dogs over the course of the house.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, um, we had several poodles uh for various reasons. You took in some we did. Well, the their the poodle in the neighborhood, someone else's poodle kept running away. And the neighbors would bring her to our house because she looked exactly like your your poodles. And uh and then someone's naming it. Well, we did well, we had to because they kept bringing her, you know, and um so let's see if you can remember the names of your um your your dogs, your poodles.
SPEAKER_02:My very first dog was named Sparkle. That was Sparkle. And I got that when I was six years old. Right, and somebody stole Sparkle. Yeah, that was devastating. Yes. And then I think next was Apricot. Um Apricot uh died when we were on vacation. That's right. He died uh at a doggy hotel. Yes. They said that he had a heart attack.
SPEAKER_03:Um that that high energy, that that whole set that was also quite that was true.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that was um Brownie, who was not who was a neighborhood poodle.
SPEAKER_03:That's that's the one people kept bringing to us.
SPEAKER_02:I guess we should name you and feed you. Yes, right. Um and after Prince that oh, Prince was Prince Poodle? Okay, okay. We ended up giving him to our housekeeper because I as our housekeeper, she would she worn bomb with him as well. And then at some point, maybe we were on vacation or something, she brought him back to her house, and Prince and her husband just really bonded. And at that point, I think I was in high school, and so I was off living my my own life, not paying a ton of attention.
SPEAKER_03:Not paying any attention at all. Well, I mean, that's so, and so I indicated that that if you were not going to pay attention, then we were not going to have this dog at home. I had actually, I was at my limit of taking care of your dogs and your animals. I I just said, Donica, look, you you're now old enough and you need to manage your time. You need to make sure that you're going to take care. And I will, mommy, I will, I will, daddy. And daddy would say, okay, but you know, daddy wasn't taking care of the animals. So Prince then um became their dog. Yeah. So, and then people said, I can't believe that you gave her dog away. And I said, Well, I didn't just give her dog away. Well, they they really were, they made me feel really, really bad. And so uh, so anyway, I did research and had uh a friend of mine that recommended the Italian Greyhound, and that's why we ended up having the Italian Greyhound.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think there was one in between. It was not, I don't think it lasted two weeks because we went to go rescue.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, and yes, um it was some white dog, it was a mixture of a um a husky and um something Eskimos.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, an American Eskimos.
SPEAKER_03:American Eskos. It was beautiful, and that's what happened. You and your father went to the rescue. He was my partner, yes, he was, and so you all come home now with another dog, another dog for me to take care of you to take care of to add that to your yes, and but this dog, although beautiful, huskies are a whole thing. I now know that they tore up anything and everything within. I don't know if it was the his or her, but yeah, I don't remember either.
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, I okay, and he tore up one particular piece of furniture, and then we never saw him. I swim back to the wrapper with that. To where you got him from. Yes, yes, yes. Um, and then it was Michelangelo who was um the Italian Greyhound who was the sweet sweet.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, Michelangelo did not bark. And so, um, I mean, that's how good he was. He would just lay and uh and one weekend when we were traveling, my brother came to take care of uh Michelangelo, and he said it was unnatural to be in a house that had a dog that didn't bark. So he taught Michelangelo how to bark.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that we came back and that it was um and then he didn't stop barking. He barked and barked and barked and barked his voice.
SPEAKER_03:He did he found his voice. Uh yes, thanks to my wonderful brother, he found his voice. So uh so your dog experiences have have been many. So tell me about the the fundraiser that that you all went to though. Um, what was the gala like?
SPEAKER_02:And um they do a really good job. This was our second time going. I can't remember what the theme was last year, but they have uh good, I don't know if they're not called private, but they have like a good um array of things to like choose from, to bid on, auction, that's what it is. That's what we're looking for. Auction items, silent auction items. Um, because it's you and I both know what it takes to create an event.
SPEAKER_03:So put everything together. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:It is not an easy thing to do that and have to consider the fact that people are going to be bringing their animals.
SPEAKER_03:Well, that's why I was interested in what they did and how things really uh took place.
SPEAKER_02:What I think last year somebody brought their horse. Yes. You you did I imagine that yeah, I guess it was a horse. Uh-huh. People brought their cats, um, and then um cats and strollers, you know. So um cats and strollers. Oh, okay. And these non-children. Okay. And stroll to everywhere. Yeah. I mean, they it it's it's well done. So uh a lot of fun. I it's fun to party with your pets. Uh huh.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, there it is. Party with the pets. I love it. Okay. And your husband actually must enjoy this as well. So, because he accompanies you to these these things. This one raise your yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He he shows up. Another event, Donica, huh? He has an out. He he doesn't have to come visit. Okay, but I'm glad that he does. All right, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, good. Well, thank you for sharing that experience with uh with Truffle and the uh Yeah, until next year.
SPEAKER_02:Well, actually, that's not true. There's another local um uh animal rescue that it is called Cisca. One that we were attended before is called is the Humane Society. Okay. Uh and they do they do an event too. So we'll see if we decide to to show up for that one.
SPEAKER_03:But I think pets are just very meaningful in terms of teaching young children how to be able to not only take care of uh someone else, something else that they love, but it's also one of those opportunities for growth and and to be able to love a pet and to be able to teach a pet. And so they're family members. It is, yes. Yeah, they are. Yeah, so yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So that'll also help you live longer.
SPEAKER_03:That's what they say. That um so for elderly people. And no, I'm still not getting a pet. And I know what you're trying to do there. Let me just tell you periodically, she tries, but uh, I've had enough, thank you, to take care of it. Right. I can um but uh but I I appreciate when Truffle has a chance to visit and hopefully you guys have a good time. We we have a good time and um be bonded. And she and I are cool, but good. Yes, no, sorry. No, no, no pets. Yes, enough to be able to do so.
SPEAKER_02:So we had um a really good reaction to the conversation um around aging um a few weeks ago. And uh so I would just I wanted us to talk a little bit more about that because some folks they really appreciated the conversation, but they were like, it's really tough. Like some folks are just like, you know, it's it's hard to age. You guys talk about it in such a positive way, but can you can you share what's been tricky and how you guys navigate that piece of it?
SPEAKER_03:What my friends and I talk about and and family members in in terms of the aging process is you really have to have a plan of action because if you're blessed to live long enough, you're going to go through this aging process. And many of us are taking or have been taking care of our parents or our mothers. We have to be able to have a plan of action in terms of how to make sure that their needs are met. Um, the caregiving piece is is very important. And so that that part of it is tough. And then with yourself, you need to be able to be honest about where you are in life. Many people talk about the fact that the 70-year-olds are really 50-year-olds and 60-year-olds.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, so like 70 is the new 50 or 50 is the new 30.
SPEAKER_03:Exactly. Uh, and that's probably true in terms of how some people live their lives. But in terms of the body itself and what the body is going through, that's real. The body is aging from the time that you were born till uh whatever time that you leave this earth, the body is continuing to age. How you take care of it, what you do, how you actually respond to your body's needs is very important in terms of the aging process. And we don't always think about that. So, what I think is really important is how we then go about preparing for older age and then how honest you are about what you need at a given time. Now, we've talked about sleep, and it's not a good idea not to get the sleep the body needs. We've also talked periodically about health and health care. So when something hurts or when something is not right, it is really important to go and have it checked out. Now, my particular uh physician at this point is not only my family physician, and she's a general practitioner, but she also is a gerontologist. She helps uh elderly people and she works in uh several nursing homes. And so when I go and I talk with her about something that is going on with me, she asks me some very specific questions about how I want to live my life in the future. And then she will say, if you are serious about that, what you're going to have to do are these certain things that will keep you healthy. So you must make sure that you get your shots. And she's not even an advocate for getting a whole lot of shots, but there are certain things that we have to do. She is an advocate for getting the screenings that you need in life and making sure that you you get your eyes checked out, making sure you get your ears checked out, make sure that you have um your mammograms, the things that you are supposed to do on an ongoing basis. And a lot of times people feel like, well, I'm not feeling bad.
SPEAKER_02:So also it's a lot. Like if you think about all the appointments that are on your calendar already, um, and you and I talked about this, like it just gets more and more and more the more you it is. I'm like, wait, everything takes longer.
SPEAKER_03:Like the volume of meetings, it's just um and responsibilities and the things that that uh things you have to do, but also things that you want to do. And when you're trying to marry all those things, it it it's difficult.
SPEAKER_02:What about the mental aspect of it? Because we've talked quite a bit, I feel like, about the health component of it, which obviously is a big, is a big piece, but also the the mental gymnastics that goes through that goes through your head when you're like, oh, I'm gonna do that.
SPEAKER_03:There's a physician, um physician that um has several books out, um, Dr. Um Andrew Wilde. And uh he is uh a physician that studied the aging process. And in one of his books, he talked about the fact that what you have to do is to be honest with yourself and prepare yourself mentally. He actually used an example um of his dogs when he was uh in this particular chapter that I was reading about. And he had uh two dogs, the same breed, um, one was older and one was younger. And he said when his older dog started to have some real health challenges, um he was watching the dog go through this aging process. And then he was looking at the younger dog, and he said it began to make him sad because he was watching his dog go through this process of uh health and then challenges and then going to death. But he said that's what we have to do too. Think about your loved ones that are no longer in your life and they were sick. You have to be able to prepare yourself. Now you're never prepared for the final moment. You're never prepared for the final moment. But what you are preparing yourself for is uh the aging process in a way that can be healthy, and how you go about that is being honest with what you need, honest with what you can do, honest with what you can't do, and then take care of yourself. What my doctor said you need to have is your 10-year plan. If you had a plan for everything else in your life, you have your plan in terms of your estate planning, you have your plan in terms of how you're going to get rid of your the um property that you have. You have your plan in terms of what it is that you want your children or those who are going to be responsible for uh burying you, you have a plan for. All these things, do you have a plan for how you're going to age?
SPEAKER_02:That makes, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. When you and I have talked about it, and I feel I feel really good going into my 40s, but I've um been really intentional over the past few years about my health. And I think that has been a big component of me feeling better going into uh my 40s. And also it helps with the mental aspect too, the fact that I still feel good. I also think to your point, Rhoda, uh the conversation around aging is that uh like, you know, 50 is the new 30 or 60 is the new 40. And so I'm not feeling like, oh, I hit this age and it's all just gonna fall apart. But then also I've had some really great examples um in my life of women who have aged in my perspective really well, and they are still living their best lives in their 70s, in their 80s. And so I'm like, oh, that's really cool. Life just gets better.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you mentioned that in one of our previous podcasts. You mentioned um looking at, I think a podcast that Oprah had done and I had interviewed Maya Angelo. And my you said that that Maya Angelo said that 80s are really wonderful. You can rock, you can, you can, you can rock. And so, but what I believe she was talking about is living your life well. When you live your life well, when you're intentional about taking care of the things that need to be taken care of, you don't just let things go, then you will have an opportunity to live a better life. It is stressful, it is stressful because what what I know and what we know is that I don't have as many years in front of me as I have behind me. And that reality is something that can be that can wear on you. Yeah, but I'm also thinking about what my doctor said and what she said was what kind of plan do you have? What are you doing for yourself? And she said, I'm in and out of the nursing homes every day, and I hear the regrets of people who didn't have a plan. And that is hard. So Ronita, you need to be able to have a plan. And then you just live with no regrets, but also make sure I share with you, because you are my daughter, what I'm going through so that there are no surprises that come up and that you then have to deal with. I don't think you would appreciate the fact that if I had something serious going on, and because I didn't want to worry you, and that's what that's what parents think about. We don't want to worry our children, and then I don't communicate something, and then all of a sudden I'm in the hospital with whatever the situation is. So you have to be honest. That takes some of the stress off the situation as well.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so what I your main advice to these folks would be certainly take care of your health, which is something that we talk about a lot on here. But then second, I'm hearing like maybe maybe therapy to help with the mental gymnastics of it all. Like if you because we're we're still talking about it from a very positive perspective, but I think that's in part because of where we are in our lives and all the work that we've done um internally and mentally and emotionally to have that worldview. But not everybody is coming from that worldview.
SPEAKER_03:Then what I think you you must do is make sure that not only are you honest about what you need, but be honest about what you can't do, and you're no longer going to be able to do. And that's hard. I mean, saying, I can't do this anymore. I need to be able to give this up and then shift and adjust. Therapy is is always recommended. I I believe in it, as you know. However, not everybody is comfortable with that. So you got you have to discuss it with someone. You have to be able to share whatever it is that you're going through with someone.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so then it's less therapy, a more health number one, and to find a support system to help you through it.
SPEAKER_03:A serious support system to help you through it. Okay. Because we're all experiencing it really together. I mean, if if day in and day out. And so, and then I think you also should embrace something new and different that you haven't embraced just because you either didn't have the time, you didn't have the resources, have a plan to get to that scenario so that you're not and later saying, I wish I had.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, have a goal that you're still working towards. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That is a part of the aging process to make sure that you have a goal that you're working towards. What Dr. Wheels says in in um in his book is that when he was watching his his dogs, he said when his older dog passed, of course, he he missed the dog. And then he had a new plan of activity for his younger dog. And he said, I decided that my younger dog is going to experience some new things and do some new things, and I was going to do them with him. And so that gave him, he said, a little bit of joy. And it also made him think about the fact that not everybody is going to live forever. Like this dog that he had that he loved was not going to live forever. But he had some goals around how making the dog's life better, which then was going to enhance his life. And then all the other things that we that we know to do.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That and that was the point that that he made as well. So I think the aging process allows you to be able to not only grow up, but to grow out in certain ways. And you have to figure out how you want to grow out. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_02:It's I hope that's that's helpful to the folks who continue to kind of struggle with this.
SPEAKER_03:Um it is a struggle. It is a struggle.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's important to name the thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it is. It's important to name it and uh to call it out, but then you have to do something about it. You know, I always talk about what insanity is.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, right. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.
SPEAKER_03:Doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, agreed.
SPEAKER_03:So, so we're gonna make sure that we continue this aging process with uh with grace and give yourself grace.
SPEAKER_02:Speaking of aging in a different way, you were telling me about some articles that you had seen um that it will talk about aging in a different way, but it's been quite concerning because it's focused on literal, like babies children's talk.
SPEAKER_03:What? Yes, little little girls, there is this trending topic of conversation about youngsters and what they need in terms of their skin care and what they need. You say youngsters, three-year-olds, four-year-olds.
SPEAKER_02:What three-year-olds need in terms of their skin care?
SPEAKER_03:Three-year-olds, and they have a whole skin line, three to eight-year-olds, and they are being sold in all the major stores. Um, and many of the major companies have a children's skincare line, and then they are encouraging kids to have makeup. I mean, it's it's really growing up too soon. Age appropriate is what I believe in, Donna King. And I tried to raise you, making sure things were age appropriate. But I can't even imagine you having a face mask at the age of four years old. I mean, that makes absolutely no sense to me.
SPEAKER_02:Ah, so but these companies have to be facing a backlash. Like that's absurd.
SPEAKER_03:The companies have been growing and their profits have been growing because buying these face masks. Because the mothers feel like that it's so good for me. I'm doing my facials, I'm doing this, so, and my daughter just wants to do it. That's not really, I think, the in the best interest of your child. I also heard some dermatologists um on uh a medical radio show talk about how bad this is for the skin of the youngsters, how bad it is for the image of the youngsters to think that there is something wrong with them that they need to have a face mask at four years old. Um so, but yes, the the the product line is for four, excuse me, three to eight year olds.
SPEAKER_02:Three to eight. That's that's not believable words. That's unbelievable.
SPEAKER_03:People are buying them. So um, and I think I began to take care of my skin when I was an adult. There are special things that I feel like as adults you need to do, not as children. What do you do for your skincare?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I didn't start taking care of my skin as an adult. I had to start taking care of it, I think in middle school. Yes, because when my hormones started going crazy, my skin started going crazy. Acting was a real challenge in my youth. And I think that's when our conversations around um skincare and also like what can we do to help you, but also kind of feel better about yourself. Right.
SPEAKER_03:And I took you to a doctor. And and feeling good about yourself is important because when you start to have the acne breakout, which is normal for teenagers, but you had you had a severe case of it. Yeah, thanks to your father.
SPEAKER_01:Because I did the research there too. There was like sorry. The genetic challenges.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, yes, yes. We we we both had our own challenges and um and so yeah, you had a double whammy there.
SPEAKER_02:So um we got through it, but mercy.
SPEAKER_03:I I but I absolutely could identify with how you felt. Yeah, because I remember going through it as uh as a teenager as as well. And so one of the things I wasn't wearing makeup though when I was uh in my preteens and her son was she probably didn't it's not that she didn't care, but um you'll go out of it. Yeah, push your I had to push the yep, she she said you you'll go out of dude, you know. Uh and so and then because she loved being positive as well, she'd say, You're beautiful anyway, you don't have to worry about that.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm sitting there looking Yeah, so look at my face, what else is happening?
SPEAKER_03:So um, but you you do grow out of it, but you do have to make sure that you're doing certain kind of things to to take care of your skin that are positive things.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, what uh what do I remember doing back then? Proactive, which I guess is still even though it's still out there, it's still out there.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And uh that's the one that like sticks out to me the most, probably because of like your ongoing marketing. I feel like every time you maybe have a commercial and that's probably helped some. But then to your point, like once you become an adult and you have even more derbitology appointments, you get, you know, you get all types of things that you can lean into, whether it's medications or more advanced product lines.
SPEAKER_03:Um and I do pay attention to to my skin. I I pay attention to uh what I put on my my face. I pay attention to making sure that I am doing facials periodically and I don't do them um every day or every week. But um I I am and periodically I still get some breakouts because what's what's in your body is in your body.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe it is that uh but I mean I we we are big on self-care, as anybody who listens, shorts or watches this knows. I also can can can see uh the folks that don't focus on self-care. Like the fact that I can tell the people who take care of their skin, particularly as we age, um, and didn't. You mentioned the folks who are like in the sun. Did you mention the folks in the sun?
SPEAKER_03:We well, not I mean, that's like what I'm not on this show, but I was telling you that certainly.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, and when we we one of the things we like to do is go to med spas together. And so when we have conversations with the anesthetist, yes, anesthetist, they they're like sunscreen, sunscreen, screenscreen. Like the issues that we see are a direct result of the folks that are in the sun 24-7. So did you do it? Okay, any damage that you have, we're gonna try to help with all the technology we have now, but also like the sun, just stay out of it. And you wore hats all the time.
SPEAKER_03:I did, I wore hats. So whether you're African American or not, you still need to make sure that you have sunscreen. So that is very important because our skin is sensitive. And even though we don't have that the problems that uh some other people have, uh other cultures have, we still can get sunburned. And so get cancer. And that's right, skin cancer as well. And so I would put the sunscreen on you. I would make sure. Well, I tried to put hats on you, but when you were little, you didn't like that. You you did not. So you you wear them a little bit more now that you're older, but uh, but I wore hats all the time. And so I well, yeah, I like hats. Yes, yeah. I like hats. But it is a part of the aging process, taking care of your body, taking care of your skin, knowing what you need, and then making sure you do something about it. Now, sometimes people say, Well, you I don't have the resources. You can go to the drugstore and talk to the pharmacist, and you can find out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, here's my budget.
SPEAKER_03:Exactly. And they will they will help you. You don't always have to have the most expensive products. And so I think that that's a a real important uh point. I was uh buying some perfume the other day, and the woman at the counter said, Well, what do you use? What kind of um products do you use on your skin? And I said, Right now I am using some products on my skin that really came from a physician because I'm having some sensitivities. And she said, Oh, so you probably are not interested in the special that we have here. No, no, no. But for many years I did buy the over-the-counter products uh and tried to do the full line. So if it was uh if it was the Esteladen line or if it was Clinique or if it was uh Laura Mercier, I would buy the cleanser and the moisturizer and making sure that um I did what I was supposed to do with the toner and most of the time, not all the time, but make sure I did not go to bed with makeup on.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, that's a big one. You know, as as we're talking about this, I'm thinking about how exhausting. I feel like I'm always talking about how exhausting everything is to me, but like it's just it's a lot, you know? And part of what I that I part of what I do now is I I've scaled way back because I don't want to spend my time washing my face 95 times. And there, I don't know if it's still a thing, I'm sure this is still a thing. Like the 10-step um Korean skincare. Have you heard about those?
SPEAKER_03:No, I'm not familiar with them. 10 steps.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, at least. And that's probably like on the minimum, or like 10.
SPEAKER_03:Is that why they look the way they look? Because yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Is why they look the way they look. Yes. And I was like, you know what? It's just gonna be what it's gonna be with like two to three steps or three to four steps, depending on what it is. Because I just, you know, I maybe this will probably ebb and flow as I age, but it's also it's just it's just a lot.
SPEAKER_03:So it's back to what you eat. So your grandmother would say, What are you putting in your body? Yeah, because that is a result, and that's that's absolutely correct.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So get your rest and and exercise. And even though when you exercise you sweat, that that makes things come out of your pores, but then you have to wash your face. So there is a process. Pay attention to the process. Yes. And then you will age beautifully, my dear.
SPEAKER_02:So both internally and externally.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely, which is most important.
SPEAKER_02:Internally is most important. Okay, so we talked about um the fact that I went to my Humane Society Fundraiser, but you also were at an event this week.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yes. Uh, I had the blessing to be um the MC at a gala celebration for African-American real estate people. It's called the Realtists, National Association of Black-owned Um Real Estate Associates. And the event was in celebration of the history of people who dedicated themselves to being able to make sure that home ownership was an opportunity and a possibility, which your grandparents were very involved in, and several other wonderful people in the community. We recognized uh the person that uh mom and dad worked for uh here in uh in the Dayton area. Her name was Leela Francis. She was one of the first African-American um real estate brokers in the country and owned several offices. And she and her husband had started this company, and then he passed away, and then she just kept the torch going. So throughout the state of Ohio, she was uh magnificent. And um, my mom and dad were very involved in making sure that minority owners had homeownership, as were several other people. And so I was the MC at the event. They recognized the history, they talked about the challenges because Black Real Tours could not go and be a part of the Real Tours national organization. So they started their own. So the Greater Dayton Real Estate Uh Association, uh, they're called Realtists, um, have a great reputation all over the country. And your mom was involved locally. Um, your mom. Well, I was because I was a I actually did have my real estate license uh for a period of time, um, as did uh my brother and other family members. But uh mom and dad just believed you need to be a part of the black organizations that uh are a part of the profession, and we need to support each other, we need to help each other because it was hard to get home mortgages, it was hard for the banks to be able to be honest and straightforward, and racism existed across the board. But this organization really is dedicated to making sure that there are equitable rights for anyone who wants to have home ownership. And it's getting harder today because affordable housing is one of our number one problems in the United States. And when you have people in administration talking about 50-year mortgages, you'd never be able to own a home if you had to go through those situations. So I was really glad to be able to be an MC. I've done it before, but it always does my heart good because it's in honor of the legacy of uh my parents, your grandparents, and all those before who really stepped out there to fight the system of racism so that you have an opportunity to get a piece of that uh American dream, which is hold on or share.
SPEAKER_02:I love that.
SPEAKER_03:Um and it's yeah, well, I was gonna say, and and it's a good example for you for the younger generation to be able to see that the the fight goes on.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think that the I you would see it either way. You know the necessity.
SPEAKER_03:But necessity.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Yeah. I don't even have to ask if it's better today um than it was back then. It's it might be a little different, but I, you know, things certainly aren't equitable and affordable housing is still quite a challenge. It is. So um cool. I'm glad that you had a good experience. You were to to honor the legacy of our family. Or see to honor the legacy of William Bell's.
SPEAKER_03:So it was it was good. But you also had a special event where you did a presentation.
SPEAKER_02:I did a keynote speech at a women's leadership um conference, and it was titled Do It Afraid, pushing past your fear to achieve your boldest goals.
SPEAKER_03:Ooh, I love that. I love the title.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it came to me because as I'm out and about in community and talking to different folks at different times, and I would I would speak to women, and they keep, they kept saying to me, we could never do what you do. And I was like, I, you know, that probably means certain things, different people at different times. But when I would dig a little deeper and I would ask why, um I'm not unique, I am not like anything, I'm doing what it is I want to do, and you can do what it is you want to do. Right. Like what is stopping you.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And um when we got to the different in the different conversations, kind of the root of it, from my perspective, it was all rooted in fear. Like I'm I'm afraid to put myself out there. I'm afraid about what others are going to think. I'm afraid about what it might do to my marriage. I'm afraid that um it's not, I'm gonna be spending uh enough time with my kids then. I'm afraid um to pivot the career. I'm just a fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. And so I at some point, after some conversation, I just I just wrote the keynote. Love your life is your responsibility. That's right. Um, and fear is something that we all experience. Push past it. Um, do it afraid. Do it afraid. So I gave some examples from my own life, and then I gave um some strategies that were rooted in behavioral psychology, leadership, and personal development frameworks. Um, I gave some exercises that folks could do, um, and really just wanted to be a broader example for folks to know that they can do and be literally anything they want to. And if something's gonna hold you back, don't let it be fear.
SPEAKER_03:That's good, that's excellent advice.
SPEAKER_02:You know, and like one of the things is I was preparing for the for the speech um that when I was doing all the research, what's interesting is that psychology and neurology research tells us that fear is evidence that growth is near.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_02:So if you are feeling afraid, it is because you are on the you are standing on the edge of something that matters.
SPEAKER_03:The next thing is just there for you. So go out, embrace it, and um, and just really decide that you are gonna go past your fear. And that's what you talked about.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's exactly what I talked about.
SPEAKER_03:And what kind of response did you have from?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, it was really, it was really lovely. Um, because I I couldn't, based on my schedule, I I I went to the conference, gave my speech, and had to foul try it out. I couldn't stay for the whole thing.
SPEAKER_00:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, and then when I finally was able to sit down on my computer um in the evening after I had finished my whole day, I was just kind of inundated with um messages on social media and folks um had sent me emails and it was uh just talking about um thanking me for my vulnerability and telling my own story, thanking uh me for um talking through specifics about how to go from fear to action. Yes. Um, and then just just saying that they are that is what they needed to hear to move to their next step. And I was like, okay, this is this is what makes it worth it. This is why I speak.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, and that's good. And I'm glad to know that there was that uh confirmation of the advice that you gave, but also it encourages you because many times you describe yourself as an introvert.
SPEAKER_02:I'm absolutely an introvert. Well, I'm an extroverted introvert. So like I can situationally go out and be around people, but then I I will like be um in my room, you know, with the doors. Well, but my energy from being alone.
SPEAKER_03:That's true, but I that's really a part of of truly who you are, because uh as an only child and as a youngster, you liked playing by yourself. You were fine just doing things on your own. And I you you really didn't mind that where other kids needed to have interaction and children around. You did have children around periodically, but you were really comfortable being by yourself as well. And what I saw then was uh a child that needed to make sure that she had the confidence that it's okay to be by herself because other people would say, Well, you don't want her in there playing by yourself. Yes, she could. I play by myself. So I felt good about that, and being able to be comfortable with who you are, and and that's what you were able to, I think, communicate um to others, uh, and then push yourself forward. So I too in my life have really had to step out there and push myself forward, and people wouldn't have believed that I was an introvert. And I said, mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes, yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_02:People don't believe that I'm an introvert, but I've literally got an excuse.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, it's just it, but you have to be able to do that. So look for you. Congratulations.
SPEAKER_02:But to your to one of your points, um, I had a mentor and sponsor sit me down um at one point uh a year or two ago, and she was like, uh, Donica, I I feel compelled to say this to you because you have been successful um as you describe it, but I also know where it is you want to go in your life. And what has gotten you to where you are is not gonna take you to where it is you want to go. So you have got to grow. Wow. And you have got to step outside of your comfort zone and do kind of X, Y, Z. And we talked about that. And that conversation literally shifted my mindset um to just going further and to pushing myself further.
SPEAKER_03:That makes such sense. Because in order to move forward, you can't keep doing.
SPEAKER_02:Can't be insane, you can't keep doing it.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, it it's it it it's true. I I say it all the time, and people go, Why do you say that all the time? And I say, because that's what people do. They actually, why am I still feeling like this? Why do I still look like this? Why can't I get here? Why can't I do that? Have you done anything any different besides complain? Well, no. Okay, so what is the plan? What are we going to do? How are we gonna go about it? So that's there you go. And you heard it a lot of times from growing up all the way through. So yeah, I'm just really glad to to know that you're pushing yourself forward. And yeah, congratulations. Well, it's been a good conversation, my dear.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, per usual. Um, thank you for the conversation and thank you all for listening and watching. And please like and subscribe, and we will see you next time.
SPEAKER_01:Take care. Bye.
SPEAKER_02:Bye.
