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Raised By Her Podcast
Raised By Her is a mother–daughter podcast exploring the lessons, love, and lived experiences passed down through generations. Hosts Ro Nita and Donnica share honest, intergenerational conversations about womanhood, identity, family, and leadership - and the wisdom we inherit (and sometimes challenge).
Part humor and all heart, Raised By Her is a reminder that every generation has something to teach—and that the stories that raise us continue to shape who we become.
Raised By Her Podcast
Menopause Coach Victoria Lefebre: Why Pain & Anxiety Spike in Midlife | Raised By Her
Burnout, anxiety, low libido, “mystery symptoms,” and feeling stuck in midlife? You’re not imagining it—and you’re not alone.
In this episode of Raised By Her, holistic health strategist and international best-selling author Victoria LeFebre shares how to move from Chaos to Confidence—especially if you’re navigating perimenopause, chronic stress, or hormone-related shifts.
Victoria breaks down her signature Chaos to Confidence Method, including a practical Time Audit to reclaim your days and reduce overwhelm. We also explore the mind-body side of women’s wellness: nervous system regulation, EFT tapping for anxiety, and simple tools like scent anchoring to shift your emotional state. Then we get into the topics women are often told to “just deal with”—the 500+ symptoms of perimenopause, the HRT vs. holistic conversation, sudden changes in libido, and even whether “male menopause” is real.
If you’ve been stuck in constant “doing mode,” feeling disconnected from yourself, or craving a real reset—this conversation offers clarity, comfort, and actionable steps you can start today.
Note: This episode is for education and conversation, not medical advice.
Follow Victoria on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/victoria_lifestrategist/
Timestamps / Chapters:
0:00 - Meet Victoria LeFebre: Chaos to Confidence
1:33 - Why You Feel Stuck (And What to Do)
3:26 - The “Time Audit” for Busy Women
7:41 - Introverts + Building Community
12:20 - EFT Tapping for Anxiety
16:00 - Castor Oil Packs + Fibroids (What to Know)
19:00 - Using Scent to Regulate Emotions
24:20 - Masculine vs. Feminine Energy (Explained)
27:50 - The 500 Symptoms of Perimenopause
36:26 - HRT vs. Natural Support
39:40 - Why Libido Disappears
44:00 - Does “Male Menopause” Exist?
45:30 - Heavy Metal as Self-Care
51:50 - The “No Regrets” Lesson
🎤 New episodes every week. Honest conversations between mother and daughter on family, womanhood, and navigating life across generations.
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Welcome back to Raise by Her. We have a guest this episode, and we are so excited to be speaking with Victoria Lafieber. Hi, Victoria. Hi, ladies. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:Hello.
SPEAKER_03:Very excited.
SPEAKER_00:We're so glad to have you, and we are thrilled to not only have an opportunity to hear all about your fabulous background, but to have a great discussion just about the things you've been doing and the various subject matters.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, thank you. So just a little quick because we've gotten to know Victoria a little bit, but for the benefit of our audience before we jump into this conversation, Victoria is an international number one best-selling author, holistic health strategist, and founder of the Chaos to Confidence Method. With over 25 years of experience as a holistic nutritionist, yoga and meditation instructor, and massage therapist, she helps women release overwhelm, reclaim confidence, and realign with their true desires. I mean, is there anything more aligned with raised by her than that? I don't think so.
SPEAKER_00:No, we we thought it was just perfect, Victoria. And we are so thrilled that you have had so much success with not only this topic area, but also just being able to help women to feel better in the midst of chaos. Wow. That's pretty impressive.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you. Yeah, that's I think then my my life goal. Just I I just feel so called to that, to helping and just getting us unstuck. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I like the way that sounds when you talk about getting us unstuck. That seems like not only an appropriate statement, but when we think about being stuck, a lot of times we're stuck on so many levels. We're stuck not only in terms of all of our obligations and we're stuck with the things that we are having to do at work, and we're stuck with the family scenario. And um, so when you talk about being unstuck, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_03:To me, and what we do um in our in our coaching is it's about addressing, like you said, the areas where we do feel stuck that feel heavy, that feel like the burdens in our life. And um, sometimes it can be that monotonous regularity that we have. And, you know, we really want to explore something that is fun or exciting, but we feel stuck where we have the job, we have the family, we have all the things that we have to do. And how can we navigate that in a way that obviously we have to keep up with our responsibilities? We can't just all be like, I'm done. I'm gonna go, you know, paint rocks for the rest of my life or what, right? We have to find a way to incorporate how do I bring that magic and that beauty back into my life and release the things that are holding me back. And at the same time, we have to sometimes keep the things that are stuck there for now. So it's all about incorporating that and bringing all those avenues together.
SPEAKER_02:Victoria, how do we do that? Like, what's the number one piece of advice? I know different folks are dealing with different things, but over the course of your career, because you've been doing this for a long time, like what's your number one piece of advice?
SPEAKER_03:The the number one thing that we all start with in the coaching is we do a time audit because the one thing I hear over and over and over again is I don't have time for this. And when we sit down and we do a time audit of what's actually happening in our day and what we're actually doing with our time, we often find that there are these little pockets of time that we could use to shift from maybe the monotonous, the feeling stuck, into something more magical. It could be as simple as, you know, stacking in, um, like, for example, a podcast that you super love to listen to on your really horrible drive into work, right? Like, so there's little ways that you can have these moments, but it really takes getting honest with how you are actually spending your time before you can before you can do that.
SPEAKER_00:You know, when I think about your time, Donica, a lot of times you'll share with me that it's five o'clock in the morning and you're on your way to exercise. And I think, wow, well, when you were a baby, little girl, I used to walk and do my exercise at that time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah, like for me, I get up early and take the dogs for a walk with my husband for the morning because it allows me the opportunity to bring something into my life that I enjoy before the chaos of the day gets underway. So there's always little, there always are little pockets of time. And I love that you're getting up and doing your workout like first thing in the morning, right? Get it done and feel good.
SPEAKER_02:And look, if it doesn't happen in the morning, the likelihood of it happening at all just like plummets. Because also, like after work, happy hour or workout. Uh you know, the drinks after work wins every time with me. Right? What would you rather do? Yeah. Yeah. Which also is that is that a part of self-care? I mean, are there women that you're coaching that you're like, you must get out and socialize more or identify your one or two people doesn't have to be a bunch of people. Like in terms of how women are maintaining their friendships as we know they change over time, how do you advise around that?
SPEAKER_03:I think that is one of the biggest things is we we need our community as women. We need each other, we need, you know, those girlfriends that we can laugh hysterically with, that we can be our truest self. And so I do say, in, you know, when we're working together, how how are you communicating with others? How are you connecting with others? Are you feeling like you have to shoulder the world all by yourself? Because that is something that we do, right? As women, we're like, I got this, don't worry, I can totally handle it. But then underneath we're feeling overwhelmed and burdened and all the things, but we're not, we don't want to seem weak or anything. So we don't talk about it. So yeah, we community is a big thing. Like even in the group coaching, when we come together, we come together and we we laugh, we have a good time, we enjoy company. I think yeah, getting out and doing happy hour or like having that camaraderie is so vital for your soul.
SPEAKER_00:When the women come together, are these women who know each other? Are they individuals who have been friends before, or are they just uh individuals that you've recruited?
SPEAKER_03:Uh sometimes we know each other, other times we get together as a group of total strangers. Um, a great example. I just did a uh a retreat a couple weekends ago, flew into Toronto, had a great time. I knew one of the women there. There were seven, I think, all together. And by the end of the weekend, we just we were just having the greatest time together. We just had so much fun. And I think it's so important that we are open to expanding our friendships, to expanding our circles. Um, obviously within boundaries. You don't want everybody in your circle, but you know, having that community around you is so important. And I think, you know, it's great either way. If you know each other or if you don't, just something I've had to learn. I'm a massive introvert. So the last, you know, five, six years or so, I've had to learn how to step out of my bubble and step out of my house and and make friends and connect with others. And it's made a huge difference in my life.
SPEAKER_02:How did you learn to do that? Fellow introvert here, although I'm more of like an extroverted introvert or like an omnivort, I think is like the new whatever it's called. Anyway, but how did you specifically because it can be hard depending on you know your level of introvertedness? Um, how did you teach yourself or motivate yourself to step outside of your comfort zone?
SPEAKER_03:Honestly, it is like little, little, tiny, tiny steps. Um, I remember at first just being like, I can go to the Starbucks and sit in Starbucks and just be a part of the people that were there. Like, I don't have to talk to anybody, I don't have to be a part of it, but just being in that area where there's other people around. And then I tried to find little, little things that were um in alignment with what I what I liked or what I wanted to do, um, and just sign myself up for them, right? So I think when you pay for something, you're more obligated to go. So you know, like paying for, you know, a little a day retreat or something where you actually you've invested, you've got to go. These people are like-minded, you know, maybe it's somebody that's hosting a self-care retreat and you're like, okay, I need some self-care. This sounds like something I would like to do. So it really, it really is just about testing the waters a little bit at a time. I don't recommend, you know, deciding to be front row center at a giant conference or something because that's not expect to be great. Um, but yeah, it's just little steps. Everything is little steps. You can do anything big by starting with step one.
SPEAKER_00:I really like the idea of small retreats and being able to just connect on that level. What kind of activities? Uh, you know, Donica and I talk about these kind of things um often, things we like to do, and we are avid supporters of self-care. What are you doing in the in the retreat? So, what kind of activities do you have?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so the retreats, I I love doing the retreats. Um, we actually have an amazing one coming up in January. It's an in-person one just in Calgary here. Um, and we we're getting together, we have a full day. So we start with, you know, connecting with ourselves, really digging into as women, you know, what do we want from ourselves? What do we want from the people around us? We do meditations, uh, we're gonna do some yoga. We are going to do some self-care exercises, we have some journaling prompts. Um, I'm feeding everybody, which I'm really excited about. Uh food is my is my love language. So I get to nourish these beautiful women with uh a holistic, yummy lunch. And we're just we're just really digging into the whole idea of what it means to care for yourself, mind, body, spirit, and emotions. Um, so we're we're looking at all those aspects and um just it's such a nourishing day.
SPEAKER_00:When I've been to situations like that and taken the time to do that, uh, some of the things that that um I've been engaged in are some tapping uh exercises, uh drumming exercises, being able to bring uh nature from outside inside to be able to connect on a different level. And I found that those particular kinds of exercises also help one to connect with themselves, but also to connect with each other. Are you at all bringing music and the kind of that holistic approach when you do that with your your retreats?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah, absolutely. Um, we do we do a lot of tapping. So I'm an emotional frequency tapping uh instructor and practitioner. So we do a lot of that. Um in our afternoon session in the retreat have coming up. We are doing um salt scrubs. I was gonna I lost the word there for a minute. Like make your own salt scrubs, right? So they get to pick um maybe some lavender or rose petals that they get to um really connect, like you said, connect with the nature, connect with each other. What is what is something that my body needs? Does my body need to feel more feminine? Do I want the rose to bring feminine in? Do I want the lavender to bring relaxation in? Do I want to bring maybe some rosemary in to help me with my confidence? You know, so we get to really we get to play and enjoy. And I think that's a big thing that we forget to do. We forget to play and enjoy. So I love to bring that kind of you know, aspect and get your hands in it and just really being present. You have to be present when you're when you're doing that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_00:You talk about tapping. Maybe you want to explain a little bit about what that is, because not necessarily would everybody know what everyone's like Yeah, you're good. Maybe it's tap dancing. How about that?
SPEAKER_03:Could be absolutely. I think that's pretty good too. Um, so tapping is emotional frequency tapping. We use the meridian points on the face and upper body that uh are attached to our emotional well-being, and we literally tap on them. So we tap on the top of the head and the eyebrows, side of the head. And what we what we're doing is first we acknowledge what is currently present. So when you're tapping, maybe maybe you're tapping because you have fear or you're you know, you're anxious about the fact that you have to go socialize with other people. So you you acknowledge, I am anxious today that I have to go and be a part of this, but even though I am anxious, I love and accept myself for who I am. And so we go through the tapping points, acknowledging what is currently true, and then we go through them again and we acknowledge or bring into our bodies what we want to be true. So, for example, if I want to be calm, cool, and collected in a group of people, I would then tap through my points, saying that I there's nothing to fear. The people in my surroundings are beautiful human beings. I'm excited to meet with them. And then we um end the tapping with a nice deep breath, connect back to the body. So it's a great way you can use it for anything to release that emotion that's maybe stuck, that's maybe feeling overwhelming, and then start to bring in what it is that you want to feel, right?
SPEAKER_02:Victoria, how did you get into this? Because I just feel like it's so different than what we traditionally hear about traditionally hear about in terms of self-care or even like Western medicine approaches to more holistic, which is the route you've you've gone. Like, how did you get into it?
SPEAKER_03:Um, so that is a really long story, but just to summarize it, I um when I was growing up, I had a lot of medical problems. I had a lot of things that um were going wrong. I had endometriosis, I had PCOS, I had fibro, uh fibrotic cysts that were massive. I had all these problems with my body, and um Western medicine was not helping me at all. And I just couldn't find the answer. So I started to dig into alternative ways of dealing with things, dealing with the stress, um, dealing with the trauma that was kind of buried within my body, dealing with all those different things. And it just was this organic unfolding that kind of happened over the 25 years. Um, it originally led me into massage therapy, and that's where I started. And then from there, in in Ontario, where I where I practiced in can't in Ontario, Canada, we had to do when this was like 25 years ago when I signed up, we had to do um continuing education courses every single year. So every year I would look for something that I would, you know, I would just keep digging deeper and deeper and deeper. And then it it just it just organically evolved. And I've seen so much beautiful progress with these tools that I just I always lean back to them. I always come back to them. And um, whether I use them or you know, my clients use them, there's always something beautiful that comes out of them. That's really cool.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I feel like I there's so many synergies in terms of like what you're right. You're you're like, yes, yes, I guess. I mean, okay, so we've heard about her journey. Uh, we've heard over the course of the podcast a little bit about you know your journey, but I'm curious to just get like your response. Um, because you you've had your own experiences with holistic medicine and healing your body.
SPEAKER_00:Um, yes, so what what uh my daughter is talking about, Victoria, is that um I had uh severe fibroids and I was having some real challenges, and um my mother suggested using um part of what was the Edgar Casey method uh to really use castor oil packs and to use meditation and to take time each and every day to sit down and to put the castor oil on my body and then a heating pad and to just have quiet time uh and and to be able to really focus on healing and to really talk to my body and talk to my sales about how I am going to now move forward. And over a period of time, my um the the fibroids uh actually diminished in size so much so that my OBGYN was just amazed. Now that was many years ago, and since then I have read about other people who have been able to do that. But the one thing that happened when I went back into my old patterns, uh the work-life scenario, doing all the things that I used to do and did not keep it up, they're right back. So I I learned two things from that. I learned the fact that not only is it mental and physical, but also the stress factor is so key to being able to, I think, really use that whole idea of holistic health in terms of healing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I agree. And one of the things I really work on with my clients is the nervous system regulation with the stress hormones and the stress factors. Because I agree, if you go back into that stress, that overwhelm, your your cells go back to what you just worked so hard to come out of, right? So that's that's beautiful. I love castor oil too. I I am a huge fan. So I I love that that that was part of your healing journey.
SPEAKER_02:Castor oil messy, like it's helpful, but I'm like, it's thick and it's messy, and it gets on things that I'm like, okay. Uh I mean it's great, but also I just I don't know, can somebody develop, you know?
SPEAKER_01:Castor oil that's not messy.
SPEAKER_00:You want the oil?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00:I I bet it would sell well.
SPEAKER_01:Just saying.
SPEAKER_00:I I also liked uh hearing about the sense that uh that you talked about, Victoria, because uh we do know that not only human touch is important, but also using all the five senses, but the sense of smell has an impact on your environment, on your health. Uh and so share with us a little bit about how you use scents to be able to help in this scenario.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so there's a couple different ways that we can use scents. Obviously, some plants naturally invoke certain um aspects because that plant's energy or medicine, you know, we know very well that lavender is relaxing. How many times have you heard like if you're stressed out, just use lavender? It's because the the energy of that plant actually invokes that. But um, one of the other ways that we can use scent to help with our healing journey is um, for example, allowing it to help us recall and move through emotions. So maybe, you know, maybe you're somebody that every time you smell, let's say, apple pie cooking, you get this beautiful memory of, you know, Thanksgiving, but then there's a little knot that happens underneath it. So we can use that remembering and tap through it and release that emotion. Um, I think that a lot of times we've we think that we have to um have this big Grand releasing, you know, we think, oh, the smell of apple pie brought back this horrible memory. And then I had to cry for days and I had to journal. But I think sometimes it's just allowing emotions to move through and um releasing them. And I think too, we have the opportunity with sense to kind of condition our environment. So if you want to feel relaxed, then you can put some lavender either in a diffuser or on your body. Um, if you're someone that's trying really hard to step back into your feminine energy, maybe you're always in the doing and the going and you're really in your your heavy-duty masculine energy all the time, but you want to step into your feminine, you can put on, you know, rose or different flower essence that'll help bring back geranium is another beautiful one to help bring back us into feminine. So we use them depending on, you know, what it is that we're trying to accomplish, whether um we're using it, like I said, to invoke an emotion and move through it to to release it, or whether we are setting up a space where we can we can become, you know, that person or um allow that to that scent to invoke what it is that we need from it at that time.
SPEAKER_00:I I find that to be just um so relatable into the kinds of things that that we believe in. And I know Donica, you you take yoga classes and Victoria teaches yoga. Can you share with her what you do in terms of your yoga experiences and see if there is something we can learn here in terms of just how we go about this whole process of getting into yoga and the benefits?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, if I so yoga is one of the things that I find to be quite transformative in my life. And I can tell, like when I stop going, I feel it not just in my body, but also mentally and emotionally. And uh actually, I was at my um massage appointment early and I was like, I'm just so knotted up. And she was like, Donica, have you been doing your yoga practice? And I was like, well, no. Uh but then she also asked me a really interesting question. She was like, You're actually, when she got in there, she was like, You're not knotted up, but you do have a ton of tension. So um stress reduction is one of the things that I want you to continue um to work on. So I'm definitely gonna ask you about some stress stress reduction techniques. But in terms of my yoga practice, I prefer a yen, um, a calm um stretching, long poses, uh, whatever it's a uh more active, like a sculpt yoga. And I feel like I've done all the different courses, like the the core pal, like all the things. Um, like, you know, I just kind of want to relax, relax into it and hot yoga. I'm a big fan of hot yoga. Like if you, you know, put me in a hundred degrees. And yes, my mother she'll have to tell you about her experience with that. Uh, I did it, I could just feel the difference. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I think it's important to know what stage of life you're at too, right? If you're in the stage where you need to be, you need to be going more, empowering more, trying to build more. Then maybe like a more yang practice is more aligned with where you need to be. But if you, like you said, your therapist is like, you need to calm down. You're stressed out. It's not, it's not muscle tight, it's tight muscles from stress, then that yin practice is going to allow you to come into your body. It allows you to really connect into your soul and take the time to really align not just your muscles, but your whole being. It's I personally, that is my jam. I am like, I my favorite thing to teach. I have a meditation and movement class that I teach. It's Yoga Nidra with really slow yin practice. And that is so juicy. It's so beautiful. And by the end of it, you're just like, I usually have to go around the end of the class and wake people up and be like, okay, I gotta go home. So you gotta go. Um, but it's such a beautiful, it's such a good way to come back to your feminine, just to really release that craziness that the world brings upon us.
SPEAKER_00:You have said a couple of times your masculine side and your feminine side, and you also referred to it when you were talking about the sense. Let's talk a little bit about that. I I want you to share with us this masculine side and the feminine side and the importance of being able to be connected to that and how that impacts us.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so we all have both masculine and feminine energy within us, right? Um it doesn't matter, you know, who you are, what you are, it doesn't matter. We have that energy. So when we're inner masculine, what that means is masculine energy is doing energy. So we are we're pushing, we're moving, we're going, we are in that um forceful. I like to think, I personally think of my masculine energy as like a lumberjack clearing the the forest. Like he's in there, he's doing the things that he needs to do to get the path clear, right? That's how I view my masculine energy.
SPEAKER_00:Like Paul Bunyan kind of scenario. Okay, okay, all right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I I think it's a little different for everybody, but for me, that's how I see it. When I'm in my masculine, it is like it is go time. We are clearing the debris, we are getting in there, we are doing the things that we need to do. Um, it's like high vibration, go, go, go. Um, our feminine energy is the energy of um like manifestation, right? You sit back, you let it flow to you. It's like a river, it's very calm, it's quiet. Um, our masculine energy is that energy when we don't have, we all have this face, right? The face, you know, like the mom face, or like the face where you know you've done something wrong just by looking at her face, right? Because that's the feminine. You just have that energy, you can shift in and out, you're calm. You don't have to go screaming and yelling to get your point across. You can literally go, hmm, okay. And everyone knows what you're thinking. So that's the feminine and the masculine, and they play off each other in different times in our life. We need different types of energy. Sometimes we need that go, go, go, go energy. And other times we need to, we've cleared the path. Now we need to sit back. We need to let it flow to us. We need to trust that it's coming. We need to be in that energy of deep breath.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, we got this. The gentleness side, the the side that allows us to to connect with our femininity and that gentleness side, I think that's sort of what I call the state of being a woman. You know, it it really connects with um not only my my feminine side, but also the fact that I just feel like I am a woman at this particular time and connecting, uh, connecting to that. You you're very um I love your descriptions. I I love the fact that it's it's very um connecting to, I think, uh not only who we are, but what we are and what we're made of, the essence of our of our soul. I know you've done quite a bit of work in terms of menopause and midlife crisis. Now, my daughter's not into menopause yet. Thank, thank you, Donica, for not not being old enough yet.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know if it's my choice or it's coming eventually.
SPEAKER_00:Well, um, yes, but uh just uh talk to us a little bit about that whole midlife uh crisis scenario and then how the things we've been talking about really impacts the other side of who we are and what we are as we move into that aging process.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think midlife can be such an opportunity to see what is working and what isn't. Um we we come into midlife often, we're overstimulated, we're overstressed, we're doing all the things for everybody and overwhelmed, and then we start having these weird symptoms and these weird things happening to us. And um, you know, a lot of times most of the women I talk to, they're like, I just felt so alone or I feel so alone. Like, is everybody else? It's more than just hot flashes, and we don't talk about that. There's there's an emotional component to it, there's a spiritual component to it. We are literally shifting who we are in our essence. Our bodies are going from being um a creator, so being in the space of I can I can have babies, to then moving into the space of we are no longer having babies. So there's a lot of things that are happening in there. And I think one of the things that I think is so important is that we look at what's happening from a holistic standpoint. Yes, there's so many physical changes happening. There's so far they've documented over 53 symptoms of perimenopause that they are willing to admit is perimenopause, but then there's like 500 symptoms that women are reporting. So there's a lot of physical things that are happening.
SPEAKER_00:Did you say 500? Did you say 500?
SPEAKER_03:I did. I did. Yeah, the latest stats. I I read that the other day and I nearly fell off my chair. They are saying that they have, um, they haven't fully studied it yet, but things that went for reporting, right? Shock, not shocked, but the things that went for reporting, they have like a list of 500 things that women are reporting as things that are idiopathic, which means they don't know what the hell is causing it, um, in their perimenopause phase. So that phase between, you know, when it kind of starts at 35 to when it ends, usually around 55, they there's all these things. Um things of what? So there's the normal things that we talk about, like the hot flashes, um, cold flashes, um, numbness, tingling, period changes, migraines, all those kind of things. But there's other things that are happening, um, like the that they're now starting to be like, oh, this is common, like anxiety and depression. That is a massive thing that is happening that they haven't quite labeled as part of this. Um, feelings of overwhelm. Um, there's things like um when you get up too fast and you get dizzy, uh there's a name for that, pots. So positional, um, low blood pressure that's happening. There's so many things that like literally you could say to anybody, have you had any weird symptoms? And any woman in that stage of life will be like, Yeah, there's there's these kind of things happening. And it could definitely be related to this change in hormones and how our body is adapting to it. But there's an undercurrent that um is now just finally starting to be studied on if we're going into this phase with extreme cortisol levels, extreme stress, extreme overwhelm, we are less likely to be able to handle these shifts and changes um kind of like with ease and grace, right? They're gonna be more insane. Um, one of the things I teach is how to mitigate hot flashes using nervous system regulation. It's something that um I've seen work over and over and over again that when you can regulate your nervous system and you can bring your stress levels down, you can actually decrease your hot flashes, their severity, how they're happening. Um, there's a lot, there's some studying being done around this now, but there's there is that aspect of our emotional well-being is directly related to how physically we feel when we go through this phase. And so it's important, I think, we have these conversations to so that women can feel and understand that it's not just, you know, just a bunch of weird things that they're going through. They're they're they're things for real.
SPEAKER_02:Is it outside of the nervous system regulation? Are there any other pieces of advice that you have for women who are um either starting perimenopause or they don't know what's happening, but they've heard about this and it might be happening? Or they um they just have additional questions, but they haven't even been able to talk about it with their friends or their family because they're just not comfortable or don't feel ready. What advice would you give to those women?
SPEAKER_03:The first thing I would say is um find someone you can talk to because there's nothing worse than feeling completely alone in whatever it is that you're going through, right? So definitely find somebody you can talk to and see if there's some way that you can. I mean, the first when it first started happening to me, I found strangers on the internet that were in like a menopause support group, and I looked at what they were saying, and I'm like, I am going through all these same things. I'm 15 years younger than these people, but like this is what's happening to me. So that was almost validating, and it makes you feel less like a crazy lady. You you're you're going through something that other people are going through. So definitely that's the number one thing. And then the second thing, it sounds minor, but sleep. Stop putting off sleep. We all do it, right? We're like, I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done. I can't rest, I can't stop. And then our bodies get so exhausted that those symptoms are exacerbated a hundred times more than they should be. So, you know, connect with other people that are talking crazy like you and go to bed. Get off it, get off your phone with a decent time and go to bed, get some sleep. Those two things are life-changing in this phase for sure.
SPEAKER_00:Do you have rituals that uh that work for you in terms of sleeping and resting at night?
SPEAKER_03:I do. So um, for me, it's really important that I am off my screens at least an hour before I need to go to bed. So my phone, my laptop, everything is away at least an hour before I go to bed. Um, I do a good, like I cleanse my face, I do a good wash, I really make sure that I like to think like I'm cleaning the day off so that I'm not taking everything from the day into my sleep. And then I'm like, I like that, Donica.
SPEAKER_00:Cleaning the day off. That sounds good. Keep that in mind when you're standing there doing those one, two, three, four, whatever those steps are that we talk about. Excuse me for interrupting you. Please the day off. I'm sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:No, I that I thank you for for grabbing that because that is like that is something that I I do in my ritual and my when I'm washing, I'm mentally thinking about releasing whatever, you know. If I've had a really bad day, I don't want to take that into my sleep. I want my sleep to be fresh and to rejuvenate me. So I do that. I clean water is cleansing for both spirit and body. So yes, you know, you just you you visualize all the stuff going away. If you've had a super bad day, have a shower. Literally just let the water clean everything off. Um, and then I always do a meditation before I go to sleep. So I have um a series of three meditations that I do morning, sometime during the day, and then at night. And it's short, it's like 10 minutes, but it's enough to shift my subconscious away from the list, the doing, the the energy of the day. And then I shift it shifts me into preparing for sleep. And sometimes I fall asleep right away, sometimes it's like two hours later, but my mind has shifted, and so I'm not focused on the day. I love that.
SPEAKER_02:That's yeah, cool. I love that too. Another um conversation that I hear, particularly around perimenopause or menopause, is a discussion around hormone replacement therapy. So um I've heard all different sides, and so I'm just curious from your perspective, uh, what are your thoughts? Is that something that you've seen help women or something that you are like maybe continue to ask questions as you consider it? What are your thoughts?
SPEAKER_03:So I kind of have two trains of thoughts on this one. Um, I think that because it's become mainstream, there's a lot more people jumping to that as, you know, like take the pill solution. Um, when there's a lot of things that you could do to help mitigate what you're going through to nourish your body or to move your body or to, like I said, address the nervous system. Um, so I've seen women that have gone on HRT that have had amazing success, that have really changed how they're feeling, what they're going through. Um, you know, I had one client with uh extreme depression. Um, she was having a hard time like getting out of bed. She couldn't function. She just said, I completely lost myself. She went um through the HRT, she did the bioidentical hormone protocol, and within about two months, she came back to life. She's a very vibrant, outgoing person, and she just came back to life. It was so beautiful to see. But then I've also worked with clients um that weren't willing to do the things that they should have done for their body and went right for the HRT, and it didn't affect them in the same way and it didn't help them. And they felt, well, you know, I'm wasting my money on this, but they weren't willing to look at, well, should I, you know, change my diet? I'm eating a lot of sugar and I'm eating a lot of things that are uh causing inflammation in my body. So maybe so it really depends. It's it's there's so many aspects to it, but I think what is most important is that you really address your body holistically and not just reach for the pill bottle. I am I'm not an advocate for reaching for that right away. What are the other things that are happening in your body?
SPEAKER_00:It seems really important to have honest conversations with your OBGYN uh about what it is you're going through and you know how you're going to kind of handle it, what to look for, what to what to navigate. I read an article um several months ago that was uh written by uh Dr. Mimoth Oz and Michael Rosen, who have several books on the whole aging process. And when they're talking about the HRT, um the options that are out there, they indicated you have to be careful because it also really impacts your sexual energy and your relationship with your partner and how that impacts the uh the whole sexual experience. So, is there something that you can share that might be able to shed some light on that aspect of going through this midlife challenge?
SPEAKER_03:Well, one of the biggest complaints is that libido goes away, right? We get that, we hear about that a lot. Whether you're on the HRT system, the bioidenticals, or maybe you're taking um a more holistic route. That seems to be a common thing that comes up, but it's not talked about because we're like, shh, don't tell anybody that my I haven't been intimate in years, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like you don't want to talk about it, but it's important to talk about it because it's part of our relationships. That's right. It's a part of life. I mean, you know, human beings really have the aspect of wanting to have that human connection, that that touch. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And I was that's what I was gonna say is that I I have I've talked to women who um their hormones are so out of balance or they're so this is common, so overloaded, you know, mentally overloaded, physically overloaded, that even just their partners like touching them or wanting to give them a kiss or a hug, they're like, oh God, don't touch me, right? Like they're very much done with the physical aspect because they're they're so overloaded in their own physical body. And I think that, you know, we need to look at that. Why, why is your libido gone? Why do you feel like you don't want whether it's intimacy or like even just you just don't want anybody to sit on the couch near you? Like what is that for you? Dig deeper into that. What is going on? And um, when we really look at it, it can be so much more than hormonal, although we do see, yes, the hormone um replacements can kind of shift that. We also, one interesting thing is that when women are put on testosterone, because we do need testosterone, that actually gets amplified. So I've had conversations with women that are like, my husband can't keep up with me because I'm on testosterone and he's and he's like, Would you leave me alone, Brace? So there's lots of ways, right?
SPEAKER_02:There's lots of things I can do. What's interesting, like as I'm sorry, I don't mean to cut you off, but like as I'm listening to you all, what I've heard, um, so I'm 39. And when I talk to women who are either in their 40s or have gone through their 40s and they're reflecting back, they talk to me about how like their sex drive increases. And it's very much what you just said in terms of like, oh, my partner can't keep up with me. But um, and they're like, and then because men, and I don't know all the health things with men, but they're like they are picking their sex drive in like their 20s or or their 30s, where women we are ramping up in our 40s and our 50s. And so there's a little bit of like an age disconnect there. But then, so I guess maybe it's just like all super individual, but like as you all were talking about some of the challenges, I was like, Well, I hadn't heard about the challenges now. I had heard about like all the buzzes on the other side. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, so it really depends, like I said, on when you start into this process, what what your body was like as you head into this. Um, or you know, so for people that like for myself, I had PCOS and endometriosis, I was very estrogen dominant. So when my estrogen started falling away, I had the signs of that. So I did go through a period of like no libido. I gained so much weight, it wasn't even like I still I'm still in the process of trying to lose the weight because it just it just came on so fast and so aggressively. And um, things like joint pain, headaches, all those things. You think like PMS, it that was like the estrogen falling away for me. That was like PMS on steroids. But um, I've worked with other women that the same, they're like, This is the best time of my life. Like, you know, my partner's like, would you stop? Or like, I'm gonna need to get some blue pills. Like, would you sell down? You know, and so it really it's totally individual. Um, there is a lot of overlap and common symptoms that happen between us, but it is it is very, very individual. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I think what's really important in in just hearing the comments is to know your body, know your needs, be able to have an again, an open, honest conversation with your partner and or with your physician, or with both, because you're going through this together. And there is something called male menopause as well. Isn't that correct, Victoria?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's called andropause. So it's their testosterone kind of starts to wean into the 40s, 50s. Um, so they do experience um the loss of testosterone. It's it can cause muscle loss, joint pain. Um, it's not as severe as what most women go through, but I like to think that you know, the male society has uh life a little bit easier. Maybe that's why they don't carry as much of the load. I don't know. You know, I have three boys and a husband, so I I can I can see that I'm like, you guys, you'd have a completely different like relationship with life than I do, but I'm I'm happy that they do. They're not as stressed out as I am, but it seems a little bit different, you know? Sure.
SPEAKER_02:I wonder if male menopause is the same as like midlife crisis. Maybe it's all linked. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:Uh I would I would say it probably is very connected. Yeah, as their estrogen or sorry, as their testosterone starts to wean and maybe they feel less masculine or or less in themselves, you know, that's when they go out and buy the new Corvettes, or I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:See shiny cars, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I don't know. So you're into heavy metal, huh? Tell us a little bit about that, Victoria.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, so I it's kind of like my other personality. Um I I I don't know, I've always had this attraction to heavier music. I love um like really good strong guitar riffs. Um I I grew up in a uh strong Christian home, and it was funny because I uh my mom does not like rock music or heavy metal music at all. Like it was very much you don't listen to any of that. It had to be Christian music. So when I was about 16, I discovered a heavy metal Christian rock band. And yeah, it was fantastic because it was the type of music that I loved to listen to, and they were talking about Jesus. So I was allowed to listen to it in my home. So it was fantastic. Um, but I just think that for me, it's it's something I can listen to and um just release everything. Uh emotions weren't a big thing that we were allowed to do in my household growing up. So I found that when I listened to metal music, I was allowed, I was allowing myself an opportunity to kind of release, you know, pent-up things. It can be screamy and yelly, and it was good to just kind of sometimes scream and yell at things and not get in trouble because you were singing the Christian rock music.
SPEAKER_02:I love that balance. We're doing yoga on Monday and on Tuesday we're screaming heavy metal, and then I'm gonna say we're back to our yoga practice, and Thursday we're back to the heavy metal of it all. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. I I think that's what from chaos to confidence really means. I don't know exactly what the method is, but I think that it sounds like something that is workable for um for all of us. Well, maybe you can uh what is the method from chaos to confidence?
SPEAKER_03:So my my chaos confidence method is an approach that we take to start to shift your your your body, whether it's mind, body, or spirit, out of the chaos overwhelm and help you to step into confidence in who you are and what you're doing, um, and how you're approaching situations. So we go through a series of different exercises. We start with the time audit. Like I said, we get super, super real with what is going on in our bodies and why um and in our in our lives in general. And then we start to look at all aspects. So we look at how are we nourishing our bodies? Are we feeding our bodies well? Are we moving our bodies well? Um, that's kind of the clarity part of it. We really get clear on what is actually happening, where are we actually going in life? You know, if you're gonna sit down and eat um Black Forest cake and juob jubes every single day, by the end of the the, you know, by the end of the month, you're not gonna feel great. So what are you doing to care for yourself? And we also look at our mental aspect. Are we are we setting boundaries? Are we protecting our mental load? Are we saying yes to things when our every ounce of our body is going, no, we can't take that on? You know, we get real with that. And then we look at spiritually, how are you coping with your spirit side? So whether, you know, whether you believe in God or universe or Jesus or how whoever it is that you look to as your higher power, we look at that as that ability to not have to do it all by yourself, right? How can you release some of this, let it to the universe, let it to God, and move forward in a way that doesn't feel so overly burdened. And we um we move through we move through the process. It can take, you know, sometimes it takes people a couple weeks, sometimes it takes people a couple months. It's really up to you if you want to do the work to to do the boundaries, to set um things in motion, or you know, if you're if you're slower and you want to take your time at it, that's up to you. But we just address one at a time. We really look at what is happening. We get clear on okay, is this serving future me? That's something I ask a lot of my clients. Is this serving who you want to be? Is this decision for right now or is it for later you? So getting clear on those aspects. And then we have confidence. Um, we have confidence exercises that we do together to start to build that confidence, right? Like those micro, those micro movements. Like I said, if you're somebody like we talked about at the beginning about being an introvert and taking that little tiny step to go become an extrovert if you want, if that's something you want to do. If you want to get up on stage and present yourself and you're an introvert, how do we get there? We take those little steps and we take a little confidence step each time. Um, so that's kind of how we work, we work through the program. Um, in January, I am I'm helping, I'm moving into an even deeper realm of this where we were talking about releasing the weight. So our spiritual, emotional, physical weight, and how we can step into becoming lighter. So it's the same kind of premise, but we go even deeper. We look at, you know, for so many of us, there's emotional, it's emotional weight that we're carrying that's presenting on our physical body, or um, you know, trauma weight that's that's there. And so we're we're taking it the next level, um, but that's not out till January.
SPEAKER_00:So that sounds great. I think so very, very important. Um, when we get ready to move forward, we do have to do all that work. And what you're talking about is work. And Donica, we talk about that. You have to do the work on an ongoing basis. So that's uh that's good. Is there a particular life lesson that you'd like to share that your mother shared with you, or your grandmother, or one of your mentors that you'd like to share with um our audience?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely. So I will share. Um, my grandmother was a huge, huge part of my life. She um she was a woman that overcame so many things, um, multiple bouts with cancer. She had polio as a child. Uh, she was the only girl in a family growing up full of boys, that um it was like she was shunned a lot be for being the only girl. And um, I did have the opportunity to live with her for a couple of years. And in that time, I got to see her quiet strength. And that really, really stuck with me because she would often say things like, Um, you want to live a life that doesn't make regrets. And, you know, I'd think like I remember saying to her, because I was in college at the time, and be like, What? You mean like staying out all night and getting drunk? And she'd be like, No, that's not what I mean. And she'd say, You want to live a life that when you look back, you say, I tried it all, I did all the things, and I don't regret missing out. And so that always stuck with me. I actually I have no regrets on my on my wrist because that was a big thing that I always just ever I always I've always brought that forward, right? When I'm, you know, am I gonna regret not doing this thing, this big thing that I'm afraid to do? Am I gonna regret it? Probably. So just do it, right? Don't don't live that life where you think, oh, I wish I I wish I would have. So right.
SPEAKER_00:That's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I'm I mean that this conversation has been amazing and so informative too. So just thank you for that. Um, where can people find you?
SPEAKER_03:So the best place to find me right now is on my Instagram. Um, I'm at Victoria underscore life strategist. I also have a website, VictoriaLifestrategist.com. Um, but everything is pretty much linked into my Instagram. So you can come follow me there. You can send me messages. Uh, my free offers are all there. So I have a um a community that I work with that's linked into my Instagram. So you can come and do meditations with us. You can get meal plans, there's all kinds of great and wonderful things in there. I share my um life hack recipes. So it's one thing I'm known for in my community is I take those things that you, you know, you really want to eat from the grocery store that you shouldn't eat, but and I make them so that you can actually eat them. Um great. That's great. So all of that is there. It's um it's a great place, it's a great community, and yeah, everyone is welcome.
SPEAKER_01:Awesome, awesome.
SPEAKER_03:No regrets, no regrets, no regrets, love it, love it.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, thank you.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you. We appreciate it. Yeah, thank you. It's been great. I really enjoy this conversation. Likewise.
SPEAKER_00:Blessings to you. Take care.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_04:She's got that.
