Cheyenne Bryant Controversy, Tiffany Haddish & Kevin Hart Roast Reaction

Unlicensed therapists, Netflix roast failures, voter suppression, and the cultural shifts shaping 2026 — this episode of Raised By Her covers it all.

In this episode, the mother-daughter duo explores everything from longevity and live art experiences to the growing backlash against unlicensed social media personalities giving mental health advice online. They discuss why professional credentials matter, the uncomfortable dynamics surrounding the Kevin Hart Netflix roast, and Tiffany Haddish’s historic Sports Illustrated cover and the deeper family legacy behind it.

The conversation then shifts to politics and civic engagement as they unpack gerrymandering, the long-term effects of the Voting Rights Act being weakened, and ongoing voter suppression concerns impacting Black communities across the South. They also discuss why civic education and local organizing matter now more than ever.

To close the episode, Donnica and Ro Nita answer listener AMA questions about workplace boundaries, people-pleasing, generational communication, and how their mother-daughter relationship evolved from strict parenting into genuine friendship.

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Timestamps: 

00:00 — The Scientific Link Between Art and Longevity
03:25 — Why Unlicensed "Therapists" Are Hurting You
05:17 — The Hugging Rule: Professional Therapy Boundaries
08:13 — What Netflix Got Wrong: The Kevin Hart Roast Review
13:17 — Katt Williams vs. Corporate Comedy Writers
21:17 — How Tiffany Haddish Made Sports Illustrated History
26:57 — Manifestation Secrets: Learning From Paris Hilton
32:10 — The Real Impact of Gutting the Voting Rights Act
38:06 — Gerrymandering Explained: How Southern Districts Are Remapped
42:04 — What is ALEC? The Hidden Long Game of US Politics
49:09 — The Spelman 7: Celebrating Black Excellence
51:06 — Millennial vs. Boomer Workplace Boundaries
58:49 — Family Secrets: Healing From Generational Pressure
1:10:42 — Mother & Daughter AMA: Evolving From Parent to Friend

🎤 New episodes every week. Honest conversations between mother and daughter on family, womanhood, and navigating life across generations.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Thank you so much for joining us on the Raised by Her podcast. It really helps us out. If you download, subscribe, like, and love. And also please leave us a review. Welcome back to Raised by Her. Hello, hello, hello. How you doing? That's good. Yeah, we were I was telling you that I I got my workout in this morning. I got a yoga session in this morning.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

So depressed. That's great. I am feeling restored. Okay. Well, that's good. See, first taking care of yourself. Yes. And doing what you need to do for your body. Yes. And then kind of move it forward.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

And then I also felt like I kind of needed it for us to have this conversation. Oh. Yes, well several topics. We do. It's been a week. Going on. Yes, it has been a week.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

However, last night I went to um the opera. Oh. Okay. And I just love that black opera. Now I don't go to the opera often. But it was uh it just reminded me of just how beautiful that story is. Because it's a love story, and I've seen it over the decades with different people, different performers, and it was just amazing. I've never seen it. Can you recommend it? Oh, highly recommend it. Yes. And because the performances are just always so powerful, and it's something you can relate to even in 2026.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

The fact that you're telling me that it's a black opera helps because I went to one opera once and then left in the middle. It just wasn't clearly it was not my right, right.

unknown 1:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Uh but the music was this music's different. Okay. The the artist is simply perfect. There's a study that was circulating this week about the power of art and anti-aging and longevity. And it was talking about how um people who are older when they go to museums and when they experience the various arts around there or just various arts, period, uh, it contributes to longevity and anti-aging.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

I like that anti-aging part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both of it. Yeah. Um, and when I was sitting there, because the talent and this Gershwin opera is timeless, and so uh it's just been around for such a long time, it allows you to sit there and you can close your eyes and you can really experience the magnificence of the voices of the talent. And because this was a black opera, although the chorus was made up, uh, was integrated, and uh, we had a friend who was in the chorus as well. It's just it was really a cool experience. And I can see why this would help, at least in terms of relaxation.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Okay. Okay. Well, maybe I'll give opera another chance. Actually, no, that's not true. The last, well, this is a non-traditional opera. I went to go see the hip-hop uh performer. I don't I was down in Atlanta. Okay, okay. Watched it, and he was entertaining. So maybe it really is not about being the opera, it's uh who is performing the opera and which opera is it? And the story a lot. Okay. So per usual, it's about the specifics. But uh yeah, it was good. Okay, excellent, excellent. So we had several responses to our discussion around Dr. Not Dr. Cheyenne Bryant.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Don't call it Dr. Not Dad.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I don't know what else to call it.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

There you go. Yes, Cheyenne Bryant, yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Some people in our comments were calling her Dr. Dre and Dr. Pepper. Yes, okay. Okay, uh some other folks uh were in the comments saying um, as someone who has relied on therapists and counselors for a lot of childhood past trauma, I definitely go to a licensed professional for a reason.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Well, the fact that she has had uh some pushback. Some pushback has has amazed me as as well. And what we were talking about last week was the fact that this particular personality who has been giving uh advice, mental mental health advice, uh relationship advice, and she calls herself a doctor, but she is not credentialed with the uh appropriate licensing.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

And stands in it because she went on the Breakfast Club uh after our podcast um this past week, and they were asking her, because this had been a point of discussion for a while, and she was like, No, I will not do it. I do not need it. It's not necessary for the type of therapy I would provide.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

She did the pushback. And when you talk about the type of therapy that one provides, you're really talking about the needs of the general public. You're not talking about yourself and what you want to do, you're talking about what they need and what you should be providing. So that uh she was pushing back. I would pushing back in a different way had I been talking to him.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

That was a part of the criticism that the breath of that the Breakfast Club got. They were like, uh, Charlemagne should have been there because y'all were not asking her all the right questions. You weren't pushing back in the right type of way, uh, because that did push back. And I listened, obviously, I listened to a bunch of different podcasts, and one of them were they were talking about how um if she were credentialed, she would know that giving hugs is not appropriate. Because that's one of the things that she said when in her pushback, that after, you know, she's talked to a lot of people who deal with a lot of trauma, and you know, at the end sometimes they just need a hug. And folks who are credentialed were like, uh, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Well, uh, I've been to um some therapists though in my life. Yeah, we both have uh issues, and I don't remember any session of even when I had been challenged by some of the things that I've been going through, and I had the tears and the tissue box and all my but the therapist didn't stop and give me a hug.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Now I uh and I think there's a reason for that. Well because you also go to credential people. Yes. Well but I know better. Oh, yeah, you yes, you you are a hugging person. So, but anyway, okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

Another person said it's just all a money grab for her. Well, it appears that she's not being authentic, and so what one could take away from that is that it's a money grab. Um but the fact that she's been challenged and she says, No, I'm not going to uh back off. Okay. Yeah, I mean, um correct.

SPEAKER_02 6:50

I actually don't know there's much more we can say than what we said uh last week. I will just read I mean the comments were hilarious. You all are hilarious. Um, and so I'll just read this last power that baby laugh that we didn't and move on to other things. Um this person says, I'm guessing Cheyenne Bryant is just all cap and no gown. Oh, that is funny. Yeah, I mean, yeah, lots of okay lots of jokes, lots of uh also people though, um talking about the dangers of not being licensed in your particular field.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

So which I I believe that if we are talking just across the board and we are thinking about how important it is to have your medical professionals to be fully credentialed to make sure that they have gone to school, then we feel better about the services they're providing. Yes. Even in this particular time, 2026, when you can go on the internet and get just about credentialed for anything and everything, you still want to make sure that you're being well taken care of and respect your profession. That's true. Which is why some of the professions, yeah, why some of the professionals came back and said, you know, this is just inappropriate. They started calling her out.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Oh, oh yes, yes. So we are not the only ones. No, no, we're not for sure. Um so I was laughing in our comments a little bit, but something else that happened this past week that some folks found hilarious, other folks did not think it was funny at all, was the Kevin Hart roast on Netflix. Did you happen to see it?

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Well, when you told me that that was going to be a topic that you uh would like for us to talk about today, I thought Because everybody's talking about it. Uh well, I know that's what you said. It's all over the internet and people are responding to it. And so I said, okay, I will take some time and I will watch it. It was very long, three hours.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

I didn't get all the I understand not getting all the way through to the end.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

But yes, I did take a take a look at it, and I was totally confused. So let me just say that I've been to roasts through various times of my life. Okay. I've seen other roasts on television. I didn't understand uh a roast in the in the atmosphere mega arena, and he had individual, there were individuals uh sitting on the stage. So I was just really confused by the production and the format of how they went about this roast. Um needless to say, the content disturbed me uh as well.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

You and you and some other folks. In terms of their production of it all, that's a part of the criticism that the roast has received, and that folks were like, this wasn't really a a roast. It was a great, it wasn't a great roast. It seemed like it was for Netflix and their producers. It seemed like it was just like a celebrity party, and it also seemed like um the jokes weren't were there. The jokes weren't um as substantive as they could have been or should have been if this was truly going to be a roast.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

I I I so agree with you. That's why I was confused and I I kept wondering now this was late at night. I would have called you and said, why do why do I need to watch this? Have I watched enough? Can we Yes, because uh I'm not quite understanding this, but it uh made me do a deeper dive though, um, because the first Netflix roast was uh on Tom Brady. Right. And uh Kevin Hart was one of the individuals who roasted Tom Brady, and he was one of the producers of the Netflix uh original. This was in 2024 when they had the first.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

And he's a he was a producer on this one too. And so I think he signed a deal where he's going to produce them or be one of the producers moving forward. Okay, then agreeing to to even do it.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Okay, well, it it um is a just a strange format for all the reasons that you said, and um the the mix of people on the roast who were roasting uh Tom Brady last year, they said Kim Kardashian was one, and the comments from the one in 2024 said that they didn't understand why she was one of the individuals roasting. And I thought that's the way I felt about the 2026 one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

I I think that's a part of the power of a roast is that you have people who truly know know you, have been on a journey with you who can roast you about things truly about you. Like, I cannot believe there were so many jokes about him being short. That's how that's how surface it was. It's like really, like everybody knows that. Then like it's such a low-hanging fruit. But then I also thought it was really telling that so many people got up there and they were like, I'm just here because I got paid. Like, I was like honest.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

They were very honest about that. And I I wondered, I said, maybe that's why the people did the roast of the Tomberini roast fleet, the original on top of so they're not even because a part I thought also a part of a roast was like, okay, I know this person enough to roast them, but then we also just have a great relationship.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

I want to support them. This is a part of their PR moment, all of that. It was very clear to me that these people were like, I don't really know. Well, actually, some of them said, I don't really know why I'm here, but I'm here because I got paid. Let me read these jokes that were written by other writers.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

These jokes. Like what you would go to a roast and say, Let me read these jokes. So um it and it wasn't even a celebrity party. I mean, it wasn't it didn't appear to be something that was wonderful and outstanding in terms of no no content, we have a lack of content. But they weren't connected to him in a certain way. Right. It was yeah, they they had seen his movies, maybe. They had seen him perform, maybe. And some of many of the jokes were similar. That's what I kept thinking, in addition to him being short.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Um and I'm I'm telling you, I can I say with the exception of two people for me.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

One being Cat Williams. I thought his segment was hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

He knows Kevin Hart, though.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, exactly. Well that's your point. They have folks up there that aren't even comedians and decided, well, and they weren't able to perform because again, that's not their lane. They're perfor Usher, Lizzo. I mean, uh anyway. Um, so I thought that Cat Williams was hilarious and did a good job. I do not believe that they truly made up, but again, I think that was all for the network and the PR that it didn't um and then I also thought Regina Hall did uh a really good job as well.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

The um oh the comedian that uh the African-American woman that Oh Sheryl Underwood Cheryl Underwood, I thought she appeared to know him and uh and I thought she was funny. But then I didn't know if if it was real.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Yeah, because right, all that other fake stuff.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

That's exactly right. Um because she talked about their relationship and uh so I thought I wonder if she really had a relationship with him or and also when they put the camera on Kevin Hart's face at different times, he seemed to be um not entertained in the some of the the jokes, but he also seemed to be a little confused about things that they were saying. Really? Some of the some of the the uh the jokes that were not funny but I don't know. I just didn't think it was well done. So I wonder how it it has has um been received for Netflix and if they find it to be a found it to be a success.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Oh, I think Netflix absolutely found it to be a success because it's gotten the views, it's gotten the engagement, it's getting conversation now, conversation going, they're gonna want to know like what's the next one. Um but I also think that not only were the jokes not funny and not only were they I mean some of the dosha funny in math weren't funny, but then also they were trying to think of the right language, was it offensive to offensive to the African American population because Shane Gillis, who was like the the host in in terms of uh introducing people and and all of that. He wasn't funny.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

No, well he wasn't funny, but he also I think told some inappropriate jokes in in in terms of black people. Uh when he was talking about um something about low-hanging fruit, and he was talking about uh lynching lynching that that was not uh appropriate, and I was offended by that. There were some jokes about abortion that I can't imagine that they would have in this kind of setting, uh, period.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

That's what I was gonna say about Netflix as well. It appeared that the writers who were writing these jokes, uh, they were doing it for the catchiness of it and for the potential. Yeah, the shock value and the potential virality of it versus it being like true substantive comedic jokes. And there is a way, like I I struggled with the word offensive because I think good comedy can still be offensive, but it has to be, first of all, who's saying it matters, but it also has to, there has to be like a little bit of storytelling. That's what I appreciate about Regina Hall's set. There has to be some storytelling behind it. There has to be some again some substance there, not just oh, Lynch black people, oh this person's dark skin, oh, okay, like it's like what it what?

SPEAKER_03 16:50

Yes. Um, Chelsea Handler, uh, I thought did an okay job in I do like Chelsea Handler. Yes. Uh and she appeared to know something uh about Kevin Hart. They're friends.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

They are they are good friends. Yeah. Well, I could you can tell on that space. Tell who was or not.

SPEAKER_03 17:10

Um, but I I guess all in all, if it's making Netflix some money, I guess, then um maybe they would find it successful. But I did not care for it at all.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

And so I didn't um I would say I didn't care for it at all. There are parts that I found entertaining. Uh I the the offensiveness and the lack of substance of the racial jokes, I thought was very telling of who was on the stage because these the folks who made them, this was not their first time making jokes around race without me substance. Like um Tony Henchcliffe, who I had to look up because I had never heard of him before. And I was like, clearly he's like a MAGA Trump person, but he um has said other prints of things, not just about the black community, but about Asian community and Latino community. Um but uh the fact the George Floyd quote unquote joke um was the one that really got the most backlash. It was it bombed it.

SPEAKER_03 18:09

It bombed, yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

It bombed in the room, right? Um, is what folks said. But then also George Floyd's family members have come out and talked about how hurtful it was because the George Floyd has nothing to do with Kevin Hart. So why was he even a part of the overall joke making? And uh yeah, I mean, I just it's to to talk about people who have passed away that have nothing to do with anything that's supposed, it just again, it just it was offensive for no reason. Then I think Netflix wanted the clicks.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Perhaps I was actually thinking about what my mother would say about something like this. Mom who could sit in any kind of room and um be able to, I think, take most things and uh she had a sense of humor. I think she would say, um, what was the purpose and ultimately what did this accomplish? So I'll go back to your original point. If the purpose was to make money, then I guess they accomplished that. But arts and entertainment need to have more substance. There needs to be a reason why it exists. I'm not sure that I've got to do that.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

Some depth and authenticity. Yes. I mean, one of the things that uh folks were joking about, which I guess is uh how a lot of people feel, is that Kevin Hart is an ongoing sellout with no real ties to the black community. And actually, folks point out they're like, what this should have been like a deaf comedy jam because he has relationships with some of these uh you know black comedic powerhouses. Yes. Where was Eddie Murphy? Yes. You know, right. Where were these people who really could have brought it? Um, so that that was right.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

They brought it in an authentic way, but also I think would understand what the the meaning is of a roast and how you're supposed to go about it.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

And they would have written their own scripts. Yeah. So it does. And that's true. Um, but I think Kevin Hart also got what it is, whatever he wanted out of it. Because at the end, he he ran down all this various corporate sponsors and was very into like, hey, I make a lot of money, I'm here for the money. These are all the people that pay me.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

So the people who he said that at the end of the row. Yeah, yeah, remember he no, no, remember, I went to I went to I went to sleep. I could I couldn't take it anymore. So it that's hilarious at a certain level that I will continue to keep my wide awake.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Understood, understood. Well, you you didn't miss anything, but yes, at the end he yeah, he listed off all of his sponsors, Verizon, Chase, uh blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Netflix included. Oh, okay. Well, we can move on if you'd like. You're over talking about the yet.

SPEAKER_03 20:50

He just I I don't think.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

He didn't he certainly didn't didn't score any points with us. Uh I had a bad reception of him prior to exactly.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I did as well. And I I think time and uh opportunity to be able to use other people's times, whether they're sitting time, if they're sitting and watching something, uh, I think can be better spent than watching uh the uh Kevin Hart Wells.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Yeah, I also didn't know why there were people up there that didn't talk at all. Like Tiffany Haddish, who we're about to get into uh in a second. She was she was there. I was like, oh, I wonder what she's gonna She said nothing.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Yeah, I'm like so anyway. Maybe she can make remain for us. Maybe she was there to be able to be paid because she had another new gig that uh she's been out touting. So how about that?

SPEAKER_02 21:36

She is one of the new Sports Illustrated cover models, which surprised me. It surprised I think it surprised her. It surprised a lot of people, but um, so there are four new cover models for this 2026 issue of Sports Illustrated. Hilary Duff, um, who we like. Her. I was younger in that show younger that she did, but also as yeah, well done. Yeah. Um her pictures look great. She listened to you. Her pictures look yeah. I'm not I'm not gonna go through everybody's pictures. Alex Earl. You probably haven't heard of no, I was not familiar with a social media influencer who has been in the news for having beef with Alex from Call Her Daddy.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Oh, oh, oh. Was she one of the originals?

SPEAKER_02 22:24

The uh the No She wasn't no no no, she was not the the past co-host. She was somebody that Alex Cooper had brought uh into her new network and they were doing a bunch of things and then something happened and they haven't really talked about it. Okay. Uh, but they've well, Alex Earl has been talking about it a little bit. Alex Cooper hasn't really responded. So there's kind of like that what really happened type thing, but that's been she ghosting her.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

Did you hear me? I used that word appropriately.

SPEAKER_05 22:55

You did.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

You did. I have to just, you know, pat myself on the back there because sometimes I go, What are you all talking about? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

I actually know what you're talking about because of this, you know, the younger generation, they have a whole language that I'm like, say why not?

SPEAKER_04 23:09

They do. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Uh, and the other person is Nicole Williams English, who's a model who I became familiar with because she was on a show on BH1 called Wags. Okay. Wives and Girlfriends of Professional Athletes. Oh. And uh yes, those are the four. But the one we're gonna focus on is Tiffany Haddish because she is uh the first comedian to ever be featured, not just on a cover, but period in Sports Illustrated. Oh, I didn't know first comedian. First comedian, yeah. And the uh the fourth black person on a cover cover. And um in her press runs around this, she was talking about the legacy uh and what this truly means to her because her grandmother was a model in California uh back in her day, and she was one of the first black models um to integrate the space. How cool is that? My grandmother would be so proud and so shocked, and she was just talking about how she was missing um being able to share this moment with her. Okay. I was like, oh, that's we definitely understand that. Yeah, relatable.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

We talk about um your grandmother, we we talk about that often. And well, good for her having not only a legacy moment, but taking the opportunity to connect it to someone who was meaningful to her in the past. I think so. Now, I have to say a shout out to Sports Illustrated because they seem to be going and doing very well with this new trend. You know, last year they decided to do this whole spread, and they had uh individuals of various ages and they had Martha Stewart uh come on, and you know, it was a big deal.

unknown 24:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

So I think there's a message here that Sports Illustrated is trying to uh to create in terms of sports and not just for the male population. Sports Illustrated in terms of its uh signature feature every year can have some substance and in Tiffany's case can really mean something in terms of the legacy. I wonder how her agent sold that particular opportunity.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

So she told him or her, too. Like, okay, so she uh has been wanting to model um in sports illustrated for as long as she could remember. So as a little girl, which is how she was able to talk about the conversation she would have with her grandmother around this. And her grandmother would make your t-shirt.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

Her grandmother told her, listen, uh my mother was 4'11, say. Oh, yeah. How to talk about height very much.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Yeah, I understand. We love you, we miss you, but okay, go on there. Yeah. And uh so Tiffany Haddish was a track and field star um doing shock butt. Okay, wow. Oh, so she has some power. She has some power.

unknown 25:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

And she's funny when she talks about it too, as you can imagine. Uh so that's how she thought she was gonna get into sports illustrated through being an athlete. Right. Uh that would make sense. Yes. And she was like, that's not what happened. You know, went in another direction. And so I just never knew how um, you know, I just never knew if it was gonna be a possibility for me or not. But then she got new representation and she knew that Sports Illustrated was going in this new direction that you just kind of outlined. Um, and or they were also doing like a call for models, and she was like, put my name in it. Like she called her agents, like, I saw this, put my name in it. And they were like, Is it not really in here? Put my name in it. I love it. I know. I love it too.

SPEAKER_03 26:35

Okay, so I think that's a great lesson, great life lesson. It is. Don't allow something like your height to keep you from uh being able to at least pursue your dreams. Yeah. I also think that stepping outside the comfort zone and trying something new and different, something adventurous, is something that we truly believe in. We think that that is a part of what life should be all about. Yes. Yes. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

When they when she did the announcement, she was with Paris Hilton and some other folks who unfortunately I can't remember. Um, but I remembered that because, first of all, I didn't know that they were good friends, but by what I know. Uh, but I more so I didn't. She talked about how whenever she's with Paris Hilton, her dreams come true. And that Paris Hilton has been a person in her life that has shown her how to manifest and be intentional and really kind of follow your dreams. And so it made me think I was like, mm-hmm, people in my life were like, that's the reality. Like I'm around them and then my dreams come true. Type thing. It's a cool thing. It's just lie, she has people in her life like because she's had a she's had a storied life. She has, and I'm glad she's getting this good PR moment because it's been a rough couple years for a typical magic.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

She has a um as an actress. Um, I think she has some skills and talents, but I haven't found her to be one of the actresses that I would just follow if there was a league she was in. But this manifested moment, I think, is uh a lesson for for us all. Now, I'm a little interested in how she went about uh this relationship with Paris Hilton because that's not normally Paris Hilton's uh group of friends that you hear that are outdoing things in the world, but you know, the it's a different kind of vibe.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Yeah, it is a different vibe. Pretty cool. Yeah, who knew, really? Um, like I said, I I was like, oh, really? Um yeah, who knew? But uh I was glad for her to have this positive moment for the reasons that we talked about, because generally speaking, I I do kind of struggle with some of the past controversies of Tiffany Haddish. Um, but if she is, in fact, kind of making a change and she's talked about her charity work, which doesn't undo some of the past challenges that we appreciate folks who are who are trying to be better because this is all you can do every day is just try to be better.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

And uh so shout out to her trying to be better. Yeah, stay off the stage at the uh Kevin Hart Rose and I mean you can I guess you have better not say anything.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Oh, that's the bottle that she's a cover girl.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

Oh, she's a cover girl. Yes, uh she can sit there and be praying. Okay, okay, and and um men appreciate cover girls. So uh and I guess some women do too now. That's what Sports Illustrated is trying to do.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

You know, she actually had a whole um series on Prime, like Amazon Prime. I think it was on Amazon Prime, which I did not watch. Uh, but again, they were talking about it where she married herself. I just when you talked about men, this made me think of like Tiffany Haddish and her relationships. Uh somebody did have Yes in this this press tour around this, and they were like, Didn't you marry yourself? And she was like, Yes, because if I don't love me, um, then who will you know type that I remember read it?

SPEAKER_03 29:51

That was a while ago, you know, quite a while ago. Yeah, it was a while ago. And uh I remember when I was reading that, I was thinking, you know, how do you do that? But then in the article, it went into the fact of not only the self-love, but also she wanted to make a public statement about how she was feeling about herself because of some of the past challenges of some of the things that that she had been engaged in.

SPEAKER_02 30:15

I had forgotten that. Well, I mean, I had to, it's it's it's uh but it's come up because of this new kind of IPR.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

You think I would have that makes that story pop up and some others.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

And she has a new agent, so uh or agency, so I'm representing her. So that that that's uh that's a good thing. Um Tiffany, we wish you well. We want you to make better light decisions, and um, you know, let's just keep moving it forward and hopefully you'll manifest some other things that uh beneficial to you, her light. Yeah, to society in general.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah. Congratulations on being sports illustrated and cover girl, because it's not an easy thing to do. No, no. She talked about how she um to prepare, I'm sure she did more than this, but how she wore weighted vests and walked her dog. I am confident she did more than that. Well, you you know, you've tried the weighted vests. That's why that's why I latched onto it. I was like, oh, that is a tough workout.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Yeah, but didn't you give that weighted vest thing up after a few tires? Too heavy.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

That's what it was. I should have started uh at a lower weight. Okay. So actually, if you are downstairs at our home and I have like the weights laid out because I even I am going to get back into the weighted vest of it all because it does make a difference and it does kind of push your body in a different type of way.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

And and Tiffany's inspiring you? No. Um yeah. Relatable in terms of the weighted vest. I have well not the dog. I have not tried the the weighted vest. So uh after you told me about your experience, I thought I can hardly get up that he'll just walking and with my little five Yeah, with the bam weights. Weights on my wrist and sometimes on my ankles, and you're about a weighted vest. Why do I why would I want to put myself through that? That's funny. Okay. Maybe at some point you'll get there.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

You mean get up the hill? Yes. I can do that. You've done the hill. I've done the hill. Yeah, yeah, you've done the hill. Yes. So we usually um don't really talk about politics intentionally on this podcast. We um like to make it a a happier, more joyful, more life lessons um time that we sum with our audience versus digging into the the circus that is politics on an ongoing basis, but certainly our reality now. However, uh there's uh such a time as this. And some of the things that we are, many of the things that we are witnessing as it pertains to not just us as citizens, but also us as black people in the United States could not go um any further, we felt, without us making mention of it. In particular, we are talking about the the target, the targeted black voter suppression that's happening, particularly in the South, around the country, but particularly in the South, as a result of the Supreme Court gutting the Voting Rights Act.

SPEAKER_03 33:17

The Supreme Court gutting the Voting Rights Act was something that John Lewis, Congressman John Lewis, was really concerned about. He was concerned that it was not only something coming up that would have to have a really strong push forward to continue. And I remember thinking, what is he talking about? I mean the voting rights act.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Well, because he knows the power of voting, and he was also a part of us gaining the right to have the bows of he remembered a time when that was not the case.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

And so he was really having voice to the possibility, but not enough people, I believe, took it seriously. Clearly. Not enough people believed that we could have these rights taken away from us. And now here we are at this time, and they are really purposefully taking our our rights away. And I say our rights, the rights of people of color, the rights of um women, and the rights of um people who don't have the resources, poorer people. That's true. And so, and it's going to impact the future of all of us and all of our children and grandchildren uh in into the future. And when you look at why this has happened, you begin to say, you know what, I I can't believe this is happening in my lifetime. After having Barack Obama as the first black president.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Some would argue that's why. Right? It's a reaction to the fact that there was, in fact, a black president. And uh, I actually remember that it was uh at work, actually, where a where one of my supervisors told me that racism was over because Barack Obama had become president. And I was like, oh no, you're not a true ally. I logged that away and I'll never forget it. Although I had heard that rhetoric more broadly, um, I was like, oh gosh, is that what people think? And yes, for sure that is what some people uh think, but that was not his experience in the presidency. No. It would, and it's it was not our experience as black people more broadly either.

SPEAKER_03 35:29

Well, it's uh it's deeper than that. And it's it's more intentional than uh just Barack Obama becoming uh the first black president. It really has to do with the idea of some people believing that even though we're all Americans, we all should not have the same rights. And that's back that goes all the way back to slavery. When you th when you understand that some people felt like that black people were not equal to the white majority population. It's rooted in the foundation of this country. Yes, it is. And that's what has surfaced again and again, which is as it will until this is truly dealt with. Yes, why we continue to have to fight and and move forward. I I just I remember um my mother and father talking about when you have an opportunity to do better, whether it's in education or when you have an opportunity to be able to move into a a neighborhood that you want to move into, you all you know that there are going to be people who are going to fight against that. There are going to be people who are going to push back on you having the same kind of rights as as they had. And that's what this reminds me of. But even in a day when we have the internet and we have 24-hour news on several different stations, there are a lot of people who are not aware of how impactful this is.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

I think that's a part of the reason why we wanted to to talk about this, because there's you talked about people just didn't know. I would still argue that most people uh I think are just not aware. And or they don't know what to do because it feels so overwhelming. Um, but there there remains a real lack of civic education, and there remains a real lack of um knowing voting power. I mean, we're in this situation because of the results of the past elections, you know, which is what gave the Supreme, which is what caused the current makeup of the Supreme Court, which has caused the current makeup of the state houses, which has caused, you know, this presidency and kind of all of the impacts for today and for tomorrow's. Um and so I just I didn't want us to uh continue to have this platform without at least acknowledging the fact that we know the importance of civic education. We are aware of what's going on more broadly around voter suppression efforts. And we are along with the rest of you, trying to figure out how best to fight that.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

What we can do to be able to make a difference in in this situation. And for those of you who are not aware of what's going on, uh black majority uh or black opportunity districts are being dismantled and weakened, particularly in the South. Black voters are being um put into fewer districts by um the redistricting or remapping of certain circumstances within their states, uh court protections that once stopped these kind of maps um that are weakening um our participation in the voting process are not uh doing their job in kinds of well, that's what happens when the voting rights act is gutted.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

That's why it matters who is on the Supreme Court. But it took a really long time to get the Voting Rights Act fast. Um and this was they they've weakened it over time. Um, but this this last punch is it's a big one. And it's to your point, it's what has caused the ability to redistrict. And as a result of the redistricting, they are systematically taking out members of the Congressional Black Caucus, um, and um also being as overt as in local elections, having local folks win and then taking away the actually let me let me pull up the story.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

While you're looking at that story on most recently in Louisiana, the lawmakers are actively trying to eliminate one of the state's two majority black congressional district. The districts um most affected are currently being represented by uh Congressman um Cleo Fields, and the proposed map would remove the black majority um from his district and shift toward a wider and more Republican electorate. And so that's happened, that has happened in Louisiana, and we know it's happening in other southern districts around the country.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

The the the case I was referring to was uh Louisiana clerk Calvin Duncan, um, who he was exonerated um after being falsely imprisoned and uh won won his election hands down. Okay. Folks were excited for him to have this opportunity to become uh a clerk and the Republican lawmakers immediately, as soon as he won, introduced legislation to eliminate the entire office that he had just won. And so those are the types of stories that we are seeing bubbling up on an ongoing basis. I feel like it's on a daily basis, maybe it's on a weekly basis, but um, in addition to the redistricting that's occurring, there um just other things at play. And so we just want to take the time to to let you all know that uh that this is happening. If for some reason you're you're not aware um that there remains power in the vote in this upcoming midterms, these upcoming elections matter. We just had a round of local elections. Yes, absolutely. Um, so I hope that you all participated. The percentages uh didn't necessarily reflect that, but there is hopeful. There is hope for the future. Like please, please, please do not sit this out like what happened in the last election.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Well, we do know that project um 2025 was something that is being implemented. Word for word, page by page. And so if you're not familiar with that, that was something that came out during the last presidential campaign, and people ignored it. And you go back and you refer to it, you find that it is, as um Donakan just said, it's being implemented page by page. And so all of this is intentional. And it's intentionally going to be more challenging for uh the populations in this country that are not a part of the top one percent or two percent, because the wealthy are getting wealthier, but the rest of the folks are not being able to benefit uh by uh all of these challenges and changes that are taking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Anything else on that before we well, I just wanted to say that uh if you don't understand or know about what gerrymandering is, uh then please pay some attention to that because that's what's happening uh in your communities and in your states, district by district. Uh I also looked up what was occurring in the state of Ohio because that's where we live. And uh it's it's not uh as bad as Louisiana or the South, but it is uh very impactful in terms of our state government, in terms of our our districting, and it is going to impact the uh health and service health uh rights for women in uh in our state and making sure that we are not only aware, but making sure that we are informed of who the political candidates are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Well, I think it's being targeted in the South because over 50% of the black population um in the US is still in the South, right? And there is immense power in the South. I don't always utilize it. Uh, but uh, but there are efforts to, and so there's again, I for all of my challenges um with well, I have several challenges with our two-party system. I I struggle with both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. One thing I will say for the Republican Party, though, even though I do not agree with their values, um, they play the long game.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

They do.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

They they strategize, they have, and this is for years. Yeah. They have um planned ahead, they pick and choose their candidates, they raise them up, they send them to school. If you if you look at the judicial system, how we have gotten in the place that we are now, the very, very challenging place that we are now, it was all predicted and then it was planned. So they were paying for the education of uh certain individuals to go to law school so that they could be lawyers and then be put into. The judicial system. This has been going on for several years. And now we find ourselves in a place where not only have these things been implemented, but it's um it's sort of a scary situation. You used to work on Capitol Hill. Um, and are these kinds of conversations um relevant conversations to what you and your colleagues used to talk about when when you were in the Congresswoman's office?

SPEAKER_02 44:25

So there's a separation um between policy and politics. Uh there tries to be. There was more of a separation when I was there than what exists now. And what I mean by that is members of Congress spend part of their time legislating on Capitol Hill. They spend more and more time back in their districts or at different events around the country raising money so that they can uh function and they can run their elections. Right. And because of, again, some past Supreme Court decisions, uh, you know, you have to be able to raise a ton of money in order to be able to run uh for federal office. And so I was responsible for legislating and the policy portfolio on Capitol Hill. I was not as involved in the politics of it. That was for her campaign manager and the fundraising and all of that. That wasn't where my interests lie. What I can say is one of the big differences I see, and I wish, since we're forced to be in this two-party system, uh, again, the Republicans do this really well. They work with an organization that has been around for a long time called ALEC. At the moment, I cannot remember what the acronym stands for, but they generate state legislation for all the state houses around the country, Republican. And so any bill that hit uh Capitol Hill, uh, that hits Capitol Hill generally, I mean there's other ways to do it through lobbyists and things, and in particular corporate interests or advocate interests. But by and large, when we when policy reaches the federal level, it's already been circulating to some degree within the states.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

And so I'm talking about right those ideas come from at the state level. Okay. That's what Alec has been drafting for Republicans for years. I see. There is no democratic counterpart. Okay. Which is a problem. Which is a problem. And so from a policy perspective, I would say I wish that there was uh a Democratic Alec that could help fight and propose policies that would be more beneficial for the broader population of people versus whatever it is out is also.

SPEAKER_03 46:38

So if you're trying different time, figure out what you can do. If you're trying to figure out how we can really try to um help to solve some of these problems. Oh, feeling that um no power and no control. Yes, uh, make sure that that you you vote, make sure that you take other people to the polls. But even more than that, you can become involved in some of the organizations that really try to help the economic power for uh for people that are uh challenged economically in terms of uh maybe having resources or jobs, you know, whether it's joining the Urban League or whether it's becoming a member of the NAACP, or uh back in the day when uh when I was growing up, my parents were involved in an organization called CORE that was a Congress of uh racial equality. And part of all of these different organizations because each one had a different kind of purpose. And I am saying you might not feel that you have any power, but with other groups, other organizations, and being a part of the national movement can help you, can help us to be able to push some of these uh initiatives forward.

SPEAKER_02 47:48

Alex stands for American Legislative Exchange Council. Okay. That's all I wanted you to say. So um, okay. I mean, I think that we've we've said all there is to say at this point on that.

SPEAKER_03 47:59

Um inform yourself too, not just vote. You said vote, yes, but I want you to be an informed voter so you're voting for the right person and the right people and uh understand what the the politicians that are in your area stand for.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

Yes, yes, yeah, yes, please be informed. Please educate yourselves and watching TikToks. That's how I'm talking about. That is not not informing. No. Do a deeper dive.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

That's right. Um Legal Women Voters, that's a place that you can go locally at least and get some information. Some people just don't know where to go or what to do. And I'm trying to to help to inform them of just getting involved in some places and not only the judicial system in the information here, but but just also start with your communities and then your state. Many, many states have uh information that they can provide to you.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Yeah. I mean, I've heard some people they're complaining about the gas prices, they complain about the price of food. I've I'm hearing complaints, and when I take the time to actually have conversations, I pinpoint exactly where it started from a policy perspective. They're like, oh, I had no idea. And I was like, I did. Right. Yeah. But don't complain to me about your situation without having done anything to to push back on it.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

That's exactly right. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

Um we have to end on well, we are still gonna do our ask us anything segment. Um, but I didn't want, I did want us to end on that. It was kind of a it's it is a downer, but it's also the reality. But I wanted to end on some good black news. So um I am an alumni of Spellman, and for 2026, they had seven valedictorians. Wow. So they are coined. The Spellman Seven. And it's the first time in the history of the school that that has happened. All seven of them got four pointos. And so just shout out to those young women who are demonstrating black excellence, collegiate excellence, scholar, scholarly excellence. And I'm so excited to see where they go.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

The Spellman Seven. Wow, the Spellman Seven is really cool. And this is graduation season. It's an opportunity to be able to celebrate um all of the graduates uh across the board. Uh, and especially we want to say a shout out to the uh HBCUs and and the graduates, but uh go Stellman.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Yes, I I've seen several memes. It's really kind of funny. Um, someone was quite strict about this in terms of how they allowed the families to celebrate when one does walk across the stage.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

Yes, I'm aware.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I am aware of you're aware of those restrictions. Um no, no, no, no. Um, but but people were talking about uh just like what their family does, what their family doesn't do. Uh-huh. Those who follow the rules, those who don't follow the rules. Right, right. Yes. And we we followed the rules. I mean, yes. I well, y'all don't want to be kicked out. Yeah. I want to be able to see read all of all of the grades. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the commencement speaker and all the things too. So uh yeah, to your point, enjoy this season and celebrating your family and your loved ones as they semitriculate and move on to the next phase of their life. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_03 51:04

Very much so.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

All right. So back to this ask us anything. Again, because it wouldn't fly, it would just ask us some things. And I actually feel like these questions were were more challenging than the first round of questions. Song on my beat. All right. So okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:23

So if you didn't see us last week, um uh what occurred is that um we began to have some engagement from some of our listeners and or viewers. And there's a segment called it's uh it's it's a AMA. Ask me anything. Ask me anything. So um so we are saying that if you want to know something, especially about mother-daughter relationships, but anything, we'll be able to share that with you because our goal here is to help you and help ourselves and to help the world be able to find joy and to be able to navigate in the unknown.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

Yeah, and have conversations that other mu that otherwise might not be able to be had. Um, and so if you'd like to participate in this uh engagement that we're doing, our AMA, feel free to send us an email at raised by her podcast at gmail.com and we will read it on the pod during this segment. So, all right. Uh Painter of Red says, Hey.

SPEAKER_03 52:28

I love these names. I really do.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

Hey, I'm 65 and 45 years older than my son. I've been watching him navigate the world, and I see a stark generational difference between how he and his friends navigate, establishing strong boundaries between his private life and work and what I did during my work. For example, I took the call or answered answered the text, and he is okay with answering in the morning. Do you see any different work habits between generations that make you cringe? Oh, yes. I already knew the answer. I knew what you were gonna say. You're like, I've been cringing for years. What is happening? What's he trying to do cringing?

SPEAKER_03 53:02

Um It it's And you shared with me, mommy, it's not about the work ethic. It is really about spending your time in a way that you want to spend your time. It's about effectiveness. That's what you said. And I do understand that technology has allowed the world to be um more effective in in certain ways. But I'm gonna take one example that I grew up with. That is the example of uh my parents being in the real estate business, your grandparents were in the real estate business. And there was not a a day that went by, a weekend that went by, or a Sunday that went by that we didn't have to either go to an open house or be involved in showing houses and making yourself available when your clients were available, if you were going to service your clients. So it wasn't about I don't do things after six o'clock or I am not going to take my Sunday afternoon and do this or do that. It was about making sure that you got the work done. I didn't I don't see that even today in the work environment, whether it's uh convenient or not convenient.

SPEAKER_02 54:07

So I think uh the the industry in which one works matters here. If we're talking specifically about timing, which we can we can be narrow and talk about that because that speaks to the example that this person gave. Uh back then, uh there wasn't 24-7 access to your employees from a corporate perspective. That is true. State's a little different. That is true. Being an entrepreneur is a little different. You know, you were being the boss is a little different. Well, it was 24-7. But if we're talking about employees that expect to work nine to five and then be able to go home and spend time with their family or whatever, then it's it's different. Actually, they've legislated around it, going back to the positives of it all, they've legislated around this um in other countries. In country, other countries where you know you cannot contact your employees every this particular time. Get back to them at 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. or whatever. And so I to your point, I think technology has made it easier for ongoing access. But I I I give a big shout out to my generation, the millennials, and then the generations coming up behind me that are just saying, like, we unless we choose it, unless we choose to go into real estate, unless we choose to be an entrepreneur, unless we choose unless you chose to go into broadcasting with this 24 media.

SPEAKER_03 55:26

Which, you know, you know, yeah, it wasn't it was 24-7.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

But you know, that I deserve the choice to work a nine to five and still make a livable wage and still have that work-life balance.

SPEAKER_03 55:38

Okay. And I'm gonna disagree with you. I just think that you you choose not only your profession, but the opportunity. What I think the person is also asking is that is there a uh a cutoff time? And my answer to that is you you can cut off when the work is done. You can't cut off just because I want to get off work at a certain point. My father, in addition to being in in real estate, but real estate was his second job, he worked in a factory, General Motors factory. And so in the morning they got there at a certain time, they had their breaks at a certain time, lunch at a certain time, and then when it was time to end the day, those gentlemen just came running out of the factory set time. They wanted to run to their cars so they wouldn't be sitting in the traffic, which I f I found to be fascinating. But I'm saying that's not what we're talking about in uh at this day and age.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

It's not because look, uh, as we talked about loosening um loosening laws, loosening um workers' rights, all these things have been have been loosening. And so uh we we're hearing about more burnout today than we ever have. We're hearing about more mental health challenges as it pertains to work than we ever have before. I would say that COVID is an excellent example of how you can be super effective without following the traditional, um, the traditional uh framework, if you will. Uh companies that thought that you had to be in the office doing whatever, if they're honest. I know they now want folks back in their offices, but uh they became more effective. They made more money, their profits skyrocketed. They're stomp, their um their uh shareholders made more money when folks have the ability to have more flexibility and work on their own time. The work did, as a matter of fact, they became more productive.

SPEAKER_04 57:41

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_02 57:42

And so and to Yeah, and and so technology has aided in that. And that's my point. Like, if I can get something done in two hours and it takes somebody else six hours, don't force me to work the six hours, you know, unless you want to promote me and give me the the scope of the of the six hour, you know, the right that's another conversation. Why? Like, don't punish me for being for being excellent and having that work ethic to be able to get something done within two hours that take that can take other people longer.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

Sure. I I understand it.

SPEAKER_02 58:14

So to answer this person's question, um, yes, my mother cringes.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

Um we got the work done.

SPEAKER_02 58:24

Yeah, yeah, we get the work done. And I don't want to be super I don't want to be super blib about this. I do I I understand where this person is coming from because uh there is a difference in generation. Yes. Not just in terms of the framework, but but in terms of work ethic as well. I could I I can acknowledge that. And I can identify I know what they're talking about. Okay. Um so Distinct Tiger608 asks, what topics in society do you have opposite views on? Do you discuss your differences or avoid talking about them? I feel like we just got into one.

SPEAKER_03 59:03

We we discuss our differences. Yeah, we um we understand that not only were we raised in different time frames, but also things change. Values change. However, ethics um would remain the same and the feeling of being able to be informed when you are talking about something that is serious. I mean, as you can tell, we we have a good time and we can debate one another, but we also respect the the opinions. And I can honestly say I I raised my daughter and her father and I had a lot of conversations about making sure that she was a uh an independent woman with a mind of her own. Sometimes when growing up it was a little challenging because um as she got as you got older, you you began to speak out uh in ways that's where it came from. But you know, you you can't encourage a child to tell me how you feel or tell me what you want or give me your opinion. And then you get to be a certain age, then we say, no, don't do that anyway. You know, I don't I don't want to hear that. So we really we had to find uh the balance and and I had to really find the balance in being able to listen to you so you could be heard when we had a difference of opinion.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:21

Can you think of a specific topic? Like this, I I couldn't, I was like, what do we and yes, we do have opposite views on things, but I was struggling to to really identify outside of the one that we just talked about, um, another one because we also have the um ability to agree to disagree and move on. So I don't I can't really remember to actually I do remember a time where we had a a big disagreement. You're but I would have read actually thinking about the same time. No, I'm speaking out loud. I'm like, ah, we go through all the years. Okay. Um uh we disagreed on my wedding.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:59

We did. You want to share with what the disagreement was?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

I think it's probably several. So I um I did not want to get married in a church. I was more interested in what the venue would look like. And so I was like, well, if it's a pretty church, but I don't want to be restricted to just churches. And uh we ended up finding a pretty church, so it was okay. But getting married in church was something that was really important to you and my mother-in-law for that matter. But I was like, they already had their weddings anyway. Um, so that was uh we had differing opinions on that. We also had differing opinions on how big the wedding should be. Um, I had smaller numbers, and you wanted to invite uh your friends as well. And so um and my colleagues and and we already had big families. Yeah, we come from big families, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:49

And you said, you know, I think that we should just limit this and just cut it off at a number. And I said, you can't just cut it off at a number. What you have to figure out is who do you want to invite, who needs to be there, who wants to be there, and then we can we can figure it out that way. And you were not happy um with the fact that that's the way we wanted to. We, who's we? Well, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:15

You so that was a point, it was a point of disagreement.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:18

I'd say, hey, what opposite series what we uh we compromised and and we were able to pull it together and then compromise is the word there.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

If they if they're asking like how do how do we resolve things, we we talk about it and we usually compromise or we agree. Disagree. Right. One or two.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

Yes. Yeah. I the well this wasn't when you were grown, but um Do you remember when you wanted to uh have a telephone or wanted to have a TV in your room and all that, and all your friends did, and I said, No, we already have Oh yeah, you're so hard on my dad would have given it to me.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:53

I knew I knew you were the issue.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

I was the issue. Yes, I thought we have three televisions in this house. We do not need to have another television. And I can say as an adult, I love having a TV. Well, later on I could understand that, but you didn't need a TV in your room at that time. And my feeling was that if you go to your room and watch TV and then I go to the other room and watch TV and your father was watching whatever he's watching at some point, we would never be spending the kind of family time that we needed. That's so and and so uh it was important for us to be able to gather and to to be able to to watch TV and and so you were not happy. No, I wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

But I you know, ultimately I got through it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:37

You did. You did.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:38

And then I was able to become an adult and get what I wanted. And have TVs everywhere and yes, have positive memories of us as a family watching specific shows. The purpose.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

Yeah, completed. Yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:50

Yes, um okay Alpine SK says or asks, daughter, what is something that you've hidden from your mom that would shock her? Alpine SK.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:04

What is something that you have hidden from your mom that would that would uh shock then mom?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:10

Same question. Oh you're not the huh? You thought you were the huh? Okay, Lord, okay, something that hidden that would shock you. Hidden. Um I'm not very good at hiding things.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not as secretive. You know what? I yeah, you're not well, I could read your face. I mean, I whether the expressive eyes uh now whether you always wanted to go there or go there right then and there wasn't uh necessary. Um I I think and and while you're thinking, maybe I can think that um I I I really appear to be a very confident woman and really um have had to struggle with that confidence uh in life. And I found out from one of uh my therapists that um because I have a um a spirit that usually gives people the benefit of the doubt. No, yeah, you do. Okay, no way. Oh no. Actually I was thinking both you and my father. That it it um the therapist said it it represents uh a lack of confidence in in myself. Oh, interesting. And when you have a lack of confidence um in yourself, you're always trying to people please and uh get along just to get along. And that you um you represent uh maybe confidence, but you've had to learn that this is not something that is innate to you. And I thought Wow I don't I think I've ever said that to you because I you know I it is something that has more than more of a learned behavior than I'm comfortable with. Because, you know, I just don't want to deal with whatever. I mean, no one really wants to deal with the whatever, but for me it's easier to just say, okay, that's I I forgive you on the Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:16

Yeah. That's interesting. Okay. I appreciate that approach to the question. I actually think I I now have something that I can say based on your response. Cause I was thinking more so like I didn't really sneak out of the house. Like I was trying to think I'm like one of those things. I did and you'll actually laugh at this because um a part of the question was that would shock you. So I'm like even if I told you like when I had my first sip of alcohol or something that wouldn't shock you because um me and some of my cousins have seen some pictures from from you and some of your friends in your 20s and we're like now wait a minute. There was clear like a whole light before us in right time. We we had a good time. Yeah yeah we did we could tell we could tell so like even if there was something I was like I don't think it would shock you but I can say something I wouldn't say that it's I've hidden this from you but it's something that I've been thinking about being back in Dayton, which means that I am back closer to home. I'm closer to you I'm closer to my other family members before my grandmother passed I was able to you know be around her again. So I've been able to look at myself through a multi-generational lens as I try to continue to develop my own self-awareness. And I can see things in me that are are certainly generational. So for example, you told me the story was it on this podcast or was it or was it another time? Anyway, you told me the story about how you were getting an award somewhere and my grandmother was there of course and somebody in the room said you know aren't you so proud of her? And my grandmother's response was um I would expect nothing less. Right. And I was like that is literally how I feel like I grew up like I like you would expect nothing less than what I and I was I was embarrassed. Yeah yeah well I think I oh yeah yeah um but not not just about um the feelings around it I was thinking more so in terms of like the pressure that we put on ourselves. Right. I was like I know that part of the pressure is me but also part of the pressure is how I was parented and it's it's multi-generational because it's the pressure you I see you put on yourself. And then what I knew about my grandmother, the pressure that I saw her put on her herself. Yes. And then I had the opportunity really grateful to I won't say I knew her but I was around my great grandmother. I think she passed with us around like 11 or something. Yes you were and I was like so I know this shouldn't just start with the free generation so I know that my grandmother got it from her mother different kind of society in terms of like how she was able to navigate but I was like I can see that kind of it's why we are where we are and how we are and all of that. But also I'm like I can kind of see that. So that's something we haven't talked about but that would be my response to that question. It's not something I was hiding but it's something that I'm continuing to try to as I try to learn more about myself and the why of why I behave some way.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:06

I think I I I love that story and that example. I can really understand that it's we really try to live our lives not hiding something because I mean we are who we are and it is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:18

Yeah also secrets kill you. Well that's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:20

Secrets kill you and oh that that that is such a good point. And also why is it a secret? If it was something that you experienced something that you did something that you had I mean you know I wasn't going to tell you I was uh you know I murdered someone and I never told you or I was in jail for two years and you know any of those things. I I didn't have those kinds of of uh experiences but plus if I did everybody'd know it anyway because you were giving them the benefit of the doubt and they were like oh yeah okay media for most of my uh adult life but uh and but I I think it's very important to not only do your own self-awareness and your own self-work but also to be honest about the mistakes you've made and to be honest about what you want to be in the future and you can only do that by dealing with stuff in the past and moving on.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:12

Yeah yeah I yeah we do have the the similar belief um that uh maybe it's dramatic to say secrets kill you but they make you sick. They do. How do you know that? And as we start at the beginning of this podcast we are committed to longevity and anti-aging. That's right. Yeah we don't need a secret wrinkle here.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:27

Right that's exactly right.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:29

So we hope that helps Al Hide SK.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:32

Thank you. Thank you. We appreciate the um the sentiment and uh have some discussions with your sons and daughters about these kind of topics as well.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:42

One more question for this particular episode. Okay. This comes from Remote ad 969 how have your views changed with age what do you both wish you had done more and or less of when you were younger how was your rel How has your relationship evolved as mother and daughter throughout your lives up to now?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:05

A few questions right wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:07

Yes so asked us anything um in threads you know in threads um well we could let's take it a step by step because actually I feel like these are both these are all really good questions but yeah um I think all deserve their own separate time. Okay. Um how have your views changed with age?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:26

Um I think I miss 75 year old yes yes most recent yeah um I I think that my views have changed over the years because I I am more aware of the world, the real world I can think specifically about um having conversations with uh with my mother about uh what was going on in the world and she would mommy loved as you know Russia and she and dad had an opportunity to tricky time to say that.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:00

Yeah yeah well to visit Russia and I kept saying why do you want to go to this communist country and I would have the opinion of um of a child who had to uh get under the desk when she was uh growing up because we were afraid of being attacked by Cuba which was a communist country and so we used to go through these um exercises. Now truly if you're in your classroom and you know a bomb hits getting under your desk is not going to do it. Because she had to go through those kind of exercises. And I'll just say that for the performance of it all. For the performance of it all. And over the years I would have these debates about how mom was seeing the world where she was reading a lot of underground newspapers and information. And so she would share what was really going on and she would talk about um what our country needed to be doing to help us as uh as a people better. And and so she was great great historian and we used to say mommy was a woman before her time. Yeah. And so her her information sharing as I now I'm going to um going through high school and going through college and I just thought I knew certain things but she was right and so my views have changed uh not only about this the the countr this country and how the country has treated people over the years from the uh American Indians through the minorities etc but I understand what my responsibility continues to be. So I listen more I try my best to listen more.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:36

Um yeah that's good uh I was going to say uh what I took from what you just said is that uh your views have changed and that I don't know when this happened but your mother was right but that was right. Uh for me, let's see how my views changed with age I with more education with more exposure with more life experience I have just um I wonder if people in my life would actually say this but uh I think I've become a little I've become softer like it's it's not as black and white as I thought it was when I uh was younger. I just you know you see people with different experiences you see people in in different circumstances and you're like oh it it's just not uh it's not as easy and it's not necessarily always as black and white and so I think that I'm just more open.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:25

I think that's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:26

That's a good place to be um that being um things being black and white is really from your dad's side because if an engineer they had to be you know there is no middle brand yeah he would say it all the time it either is or it is or it isn't yeah but um and and so um so how has that being more open or softer how's that helped you oh how has it helped me um I think it takes some of the judgment that I have about now it's not all gone because I am judgy but I think it takes uh some of the judgment out that I have of people generally and that has allowed me to be happier around people and be more accepting of people. I to your point um I could still I'm still it's a journey it's a journey in terms of me being more open. I I remember when I was in law school um a friend of mine who was also in law school with me she was like oh man she actually went on to become prosecutor she she was like you she's like don't ever become a judge I was like why would you say that to me she was like you are so tough and there's no gray area like either is or do these people be now I were to sit on a bench again I would be exposed to all types of situations. Right would have some discernment I I can see why she would say um so yeah I think it's helped me in just like being more accepting and more fluid and just kind of taking not just the pressure off of of others but also probably the pressure off of myself. Sure. Sure. Um okay so part two of her question uh or his or her question.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:14

What do you both wish you had done more and or less of when you were younger I was just talking to a a friend of mine um about this uh and I I think played a little bit more because I've I've always been pretty serious and I've been working since I was like 15 years old and that was Rosa. So that was that proposal and that was definitely and and I thank you mommy but I just think I would have um I could have played a little bit more so you you can't go back and do it back but you can now decide that um now that you're wiser you can do it moving forward. Just a little and I mean I had fun I sure am I sure but um there was always the something else to do and it was always in my mind should I be doing this? Because I really need to be worried about that or working on that or taking care of that or uh so you know I could have cooled out a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:13

Um okay okay uh this is also a tough maybe it's just me and questions in general I'm like why are all these questions so hard? Because when I look back on my childhood uh or like when I was younger I you all gave me a lot of flexibility to be able to go and kind of do what I wanted with within reason. And so it's not like oh I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that because if I had the idea to do it, you all supported me in doing that. At least that's how I remember it. Correct me if I'm wrong. No no you're you and so I'm just I'm trying to figure out something that I felt like I lacked in and I just what do you wish you had done more of and also I'm the person that really is focused on do what is I want to do. Right, right I could see my well I can't see him but I can imagine my husband rolling his eyes at that um and so I j yeah that's and I think I've been that way for a very long time.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:10

You have it uh but you deserve to have those opportunities because one of the the life lessons that we had is um everything that you had an opportunity to do was a result of the fact that you had done what you were supposed to do before then. Yeah. It was it was like you know you you m you made good grades. Yeah. You you didn't wait until the last minute to do projects. You I I I I remember going through the whole college application process and I don't remember um exactly how many they told you to have but they said okay let's do six college applications or whatever you chose ten and we had to pay for those but and you wait until so I am not a let's go too often and and a part of my uh true true uh gratitude for having a child like you is that you were an easy child to to raise opinionated yes but I can I can say that and so it was I think easy easier for us to say yes you can try this or yes you can do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:13

So memory's do um you know if you would have had a second child that probably wouldn't been the case. We definitely know that would okay so I think very statistically I don't know right I've seen a lot of uh yeah social media that was around like second children and how they were like we had one because we thought the other one was gonna be just like the first no that's not the way it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:34

Yes no no I mean that that you were the first child based on your personality as opposed to the second child.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:40

Um okay how has your relationship evolved as mother and daughter throughout your lives up to now huh I so from my perspective you've gone from parent to friend but still parent. So parents so it's expanded then from beyond like just parent to now more.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:01

I I appreciate that. Yes no I I think that's um that's good um but I I I think it helps when you really like your child really like your son like your daughter and like where they are at various times in their life. I think that that that helps you to be able to see them in a different way. As a parent you always worry about your children that's just that's just um that's normal. Um biological Yeah it is uh but I think um I really really believe that when you're raising your children you have to be the parent.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:38

I I wasn't trying to be your friend I no you were not no that I just happened over throughout your lives up until now.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:46

I mean truly and so um I think enjoying spending time together I think doing different kinds of things together as um as well married couples and then um as as mother and daughter but it's also been really cool. I had someone say to me a couple days ago at an event that that I was um I'm really enjoying getting um to know your daughter and I said well thank you I I appreciate that and then um he said you know she reminds me of you and sometimes when she's talking I look at her and I think she sounds just like Rooney. I said well that's a really nice compliment and I said it wasn't intentional because she does have a mind of her own he goes no I I I understand that but um that's I I just I really appreciate the fact that as people observe you they see you but then they also see that um there was at least some things that I did right. So I'm I'm grateful for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:47

To your point I think that thank you by the way that that's a kind uh a kind story to to tell I um I think probably a part of why we have such a good relationship now is based on the fact that you didn't try to be my friend. I could see how that'd be problematic from an early age that you were just been kind of like you were strictly parent and then just like as time evolved. Do you think you played a role in because you said liking your child um do you think that's the parents like is that just up to chance?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:21

No, I think that um parents love their children. Sure. And um parents become um challenged when their children become adults because you don't always like the decisions this that your your children are making or have made. I just think it's harder and harder for um children to navigate this world that we're living in today. Yeah. And I think that makes it even more difficult to stay in your place but uh to understand what your role should be because your needs, the the needs of young people are just so great actually. And so that's what I was thinking about thinking about when when I was making that that statement that I genuinely like you and and I like the woman you've become and I respect your decisions. I don't always understand see I get married anyway. But I I I and I remember talking back to the marriage thing just for a moment. I remember talking to uh our minister and I was I was talking about you have in your mind a place and he said well I I'll go to whatever church it is and he shouldn't have to get married and you know this urge and I said I know but okay you know because you know this is not a battle that should be an ongoing battle. You know it wasn't the fact that you wanted um me or your father to go online and be get an internet uh no license no no no so I'm I'm I'm saying it was just you want to be married by a minister but you wanted something place that looked a certain kind of way and place that was convenient and lava.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:00

Yeah that convenience thing. Yeah that was that was the other part I was like I don't want to have to move a go place to another place.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:06

But the church was beautiful. And we did.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:08

And you were happy yes yes yeah we were all happy so yes so um I think we can leave it there for for this week's episode. Okay. Uh but we love the question actually now love the questions. So thank you for the quick even the in-depth questions were like okay let me think about this. It's a cool thing and we will continue to do it. So again if you want to ask us a question please feel free to shoot us an email at raised byher podcast at gmail.com. Also we post um an ask me anything on our Reddit platform. So uh feel free to sign on to your Reddit account and follow uh raised by her podcast and either add your ask me anything or ask us anything into the existing posts or into an upcoming post and we will address it on the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:58

So just remember our goal for you is for you to live a life that you love.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:04

Yes and also like subscribe love you love and leave us a comment and we'll see you next week take care bye she's got wisdom she's got deck she's got questions she's got deck the voice it's gonna lie that's the key for the mother